[mylifeart]

I just do not know what to do with my time anymore.. I mean I try all the usefull things like, spending time with the kids/focusing on just being a mom.. I exercise, I clean my house, I get out and spend time with my family (mom,dad, brothers and sister)... things I have learned n therapy.. well I find myself really depressed.. and I just found out my husband is going to be in jail for 3 more months because he got pvd for leaving the state to go to a really expensive rehab to finally change his life around. he already has been gone for 4mths now 3 more mths. this is giving me time to bond with my therapist and work on myself, but I feel really lonely, and feeling like therapy is all I have..no feelings for my therapist, she is just there... but for some reason i feel like if i don't have "therapy" i cannot survive... nothing to do with my therapist i mean i would take another therapist just fine.. i just don't get it. the no attachment thing is starting to drive me crazy.. i just have no feelings and feel so numb.. .. expressing my feelings is getting very hard.. i feel she has no need to know if i am hurt. . that i am trying to get her to hate me in the greatest way possible so she will give me to someone else. an she will not the more i seem to try n piss her off the more she seems to like me.. and i really want her to just be like ... "i don't think i can help you, i am going to give you to so and so" ughhhh .. i don't think it will work, and i will feel bad if i quit seeing her and go to someone else i have been seeing her for a while and she thinks she is making progress with me,she says she does not think it would be beneficial for me to switch her i don't know what i should do... i mean its hard for me to choose, i don't want her to feel like she is just no good enough because what if the next therapist is not good enough either , then i will have to start over again with someone i do not want.

[Perna]

For someone who feels "nothing", you are sure going to a lot of effort to get your T to "get rid of" you and you also explain that expressing your feelings is hard. It should not be hard to express nothing and I cannot imagine putting in a lot of effort for it either?

Useful things aren't "living". Yes, the kids need you, as you, but you need yourself too and not just someone going through the motions of being a mom, house cleaner, gracious daughter and sister, etc.

I would make a list of 25 things you "could" do (that don't have anything to do with your life/chores now) and then pick one and try it. Or, I would pretend you have several million dollars and think of specific things you would do with it and then figure out how to start on those things with a little less

[mylifeart]

yeah i want to get back into acting, that's my passion. but its hard when i got to pay bills... so my life revolves around that, i find really no time to myself. i don't really have no help.. so its just hard. i cant do something that requires nothing in return when i have mouths to feed and cloth.
and i do have a lot of feelings for my husband NOT my therapist, i wish i did.. it would occupy my time but i just do not . and my husband is not available or those feelings right now.

mylifeart, can you give your T a copy of what you wrote above and ask for help in addressing these feelings and impulses?