[geez]

During an EMDR session today with my current T she said to think of who is supportive in my life (strong, confident etc..). I told her my best friend (who just moved away) and my husband (well sorta). She said also someone who's believed in you and I told her you've helped me so much and she then said this isn't about me.

WHY THE HELL NOT? My T has helped me so much over the last 5 years. Why not have her be that person I envision being with me in time of stress/anxiety for calming comfort?

Any thoughts on this? I'm going to confront my T about this. She is part of my process other wise I wouldn't be seeing her.

[mylifeart]

a therapist is a sound board... what you say is just supposed to bounce of her back to you so you can figure yourself out.. if you ever noticed sometimes when your telling someone something you kinda are so upset about and you tell them and you start relizing different things about it.. like ohh that is why!! I seem to start figuring things out the more I talk about them, pieces start coming together.. she can be there and talk, to be understanding...

[geez]

Originally Posted by mylifeart

a therapist is a sound board... what you say is just supposed to bounce of her back to you so you can figure yourself out.. if you ever noticed sometimes when your telling someone something you kinda are so upset about and you tell them and you start relizing different things about it.. like ohh that is why!! I seem to start figuring things out the more I talk about them, pieces start coming together.. she can be there and talk, to be understanding...

Thank you I get it.. but lets face it. When someone helps us through difficult times and is there for us in our darkest hour one can't help but think of that person as being someone who is there for us and a strong person to take our weight when we need someone to lean on.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by geez

During an EMDR session today with my current T she said to think of who is supportive in my life (strong, confident etc..). I told her my best friend (who just moved away) and my husband (well sorta). She said also someone who's believed in you and I told her you've helped me so much and she then said this isn't about me.

WHY THE HELL NOT? My T has helped me so much over the last 5 years. Why not have her be that person I envision being with me in time of stress/anxiety for calming comfort?

Any thoughts on this? I'm going to confront my T about this. She is part of my process other wise I wouldn't be seeing her.

I think the subtext here is, "Don't rely too much on me. I won't always be here, and in any case, I can't help you outside this room. You need a support network."

[geez]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I think the subtext here is, "Don't rely too much on me. I won't always be here, and in any case, I can't help you outside this room. You need a support network."

Not angry at you cantexplain but GRRRRR!!! Not liking that!!!!!!!!!!!

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by geez

Not angry at you cantexplain but GRRRRR!!! Not liking that!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand. I still feel the same in many ways. I'm going to start work on abandonment issues.

[kaliope]

i agree with cantexplain. i think t wants you to build your support network outside of her. one day she will be gone and she wants to be sure you still have people in your life you can turn to that you see as strong supports to get you thru tough times. sucks yes. i would still imagine my t with me regardless of how long they have been gone, but some t's dont want to be viewed in that light.

[jenluv]

See, my T wants me to take him out of the room with me. To internalize him. Sure, eventually he won't be there and perhaps I won't need to take him with me anymore -- but for now it's who I have until I can develop that within myself.

So many Ts seem to misunderstand this part of the process. Of course we can't have them come home with us -- but that holding space they create in the room -- THAT can go home with us. They are not fostering dependence by becoming our introject -- they are actually fostering eventual independence.

[geez]

Originally Posted by kaliope

i agree with cantexplain. i think t wants you to build your support network outside of her. one day she will be gone and she wants to be sure you still have people in your life you can turn to that you see as strong supports to get you thru tough times. sucks yes. i would still imagine my t with me regardless of how long they have been gone, but some t's dont want to be viewed in that light.

A support network is exactly what my T talked about me needing.

It kinda sucks that right now it's bad timing as my only close friend moved to the west coast so while there's email it's not the same.

Feeling totally abandoned and alone right now

[tinyrabbit]

Well, hang on a sec. What's not about her - therapy, or EMDR? Maybe she just wants you to think of someone outside 'the room' for this particular process? Isn't EMDR about particular kinds of memory recall?

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by geez

During an EMDR session today with my current T she said to think of who is supportive in my life (strong, confident etc..). I told her my best friend (who just moved away) and my husband (well sorta). She said also someone who's believed in you and I told her you've helped me so much and she then said this isn't about me.

WHY THE HELL NOT? My T has helped me so much over the last 5 years. Why not have her be that person I envision being with me in time of stress/anxiety for calming comfort?

Any thoughts on this? I'm going to confront my T about this. She is part of my process other wise I wouldn't be seeing her.

oops, I just lost my reply to you. I understand how you feel because my T has been telling me "it isn't about me" a lot, especially lately. I think we have to find the middle ground between wanting our Ts to be the one who is there for us and can comfort us, and relying on others for that, but mostly relying on ourselves. She just told me today, again, that relationships change, people move away or die, and the only one we can count on is ourselves.

I'm glad you're going to confront your T about it. Please post what she says. Yes, she's part of the process, but the goal is for her NOT to stay part of the process. It's hard....I know....

I have to agree, I think is trying to encourage you to get what you get from her from someone on your real life. Another support that you can count on. After all, this is the goal of therapy to move on and get support and love people in our real life so we won't need t anymore. BTW, this scares the crap out of me too Geez
I think she just brought it up though because of what you were working on today, sounds like she has no plans to leave just yet.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by jenluv

See, my T wants me to take him out of the room with me. To internalize him.

I understand this. I internalised Madame T to the point where she has pretty much replaced my birth mother (as I now think of her )

It's T's voice I hear in my head.

[refika]

My T once told me that he "can't" be that important to me, when I told him how I felt after realizing I was experiencing some transference issues. I wanted to tell him WHY THE HECK NOT!! He helped me change my life, I rely on him for support, he helped me during some dark times in my life, and without him I don't know where I would be today.

How can he NOT be important in my life?

[Freewilled]

I imagine my T as a support in my mind when I'm sad or really anxious and scared. I imagine his warmth and sometimes leaning my head on his shoulder. I've never shared this with him as I believe he'd probably freak out but I don't feel it's wrong at all. It really helps me calm down. I don't expect my T to be there forever and I know it will all come to an end (hopefully not in a traumatic fashion this time ) but I know that Ts sometimes worry about legal stuff or ethics - crossing boundaries. My T is the utmost re: professionalism but I don't want him to worry that he's not helping me or that he's fostering dependency yadda yadda yadda.

I really believe that for me, at this time, using him as my "safe person" and his therapy room/environment as my "safe place" is a healthy thing. I don't expect him to take the place of outside supports or anything but I think my issues are with attachment/abandonment and I'm hoping this is a step toward healing for me. I guess we'll see...

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by refika

My T once told me that he "can't" be that important to me, when I told him how I felt after realizing I was experiencing some transference issues. I wanted to tell him WHY THE HECK NOT!! He helped me change my life, I rely on him for support, he helped me during some dark times in my life, and without him I don't know where I would be today.

How can he NOT be important in my life?

Of course he is important. And I expect a T to be supportive. But there are things a T cannot do and you need other kinds of support as well.

My T said he was just a piece of the cake, but he can't be the whole cake. I believe I have the right to say how big the piece is that my T represents.

[Bill3]

I think it would have been better for T to explain, like rainbow did, like CantExplain did, rather than just say "it's not about me." What t said sounded a little dismissive to my ears.

[mixedup_emotions]

Ouch. I know I would have felt a sense of rejection from that. I'd imagine that, just like others have said, for this particular exercise that it'd be more productive to use someone IRL. But, I totally understand where you're coming from and how T's statement would feel hurtful. I'm glad you're raising it with T. (( HUGS ))

[Syra]

Originally Posted by geez

Thank you I get it.. but lets face it. When someone helps us through difficult times and is there for us in our darkest hour one can't help but think of that person as being someone who is there for us and a strong person to take our weight when we need someone to lean on.

I totally agree wtih you. I thnk I would have been hurt.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

I think the subtext here is, "Don't rely too much on me. I won't always be here, and in any case, I can't help you outside this room. You need a support network."

I imagine youi are probably right. I would have wanted her to say that then and clarified what she meant, not reject me - which I'm sure isn't what she meant, but is probably how I would have reacted..

[Syra]

Originally Posted by jenluv

See, my T wants me to take him out of the room with me. To internalize him. Sure, eventually he won't be there and perhaps I won't need to take him with me anymore -- but for now it's who I have until I can develop that within myself.

So many Ts seem to misunderstand this part of the process. Of course we can't have them come home with us -- but that holding space they create in the room -- THAT can go home with us. They are not fostering dependence by becoming our introject -- they are actually fostering eventual independence.

I like hwat you said.
I also think that even when I no longer see him and there is no more contact, he will still be with me. I'll hear his voice adn his questions.

[peaches100]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

oops, I just lost my reply to you. I understand how you feel because my T has been telling me "it isn't about me" a lot, especially lately. I think we have to find the middle ground between wanting our Ts to be the one who is there for us and can comfort us, and relying on others for that, but mostly relying on ourselves. She just told me today, again, that relationships change, people move away or die, and the only one we can count on is ourselves.

I'm glad you're going to confront your T about it. Please post what she says. Yes, she's part of the process, but the goal is for her NOT to stay part of the process. It's hard....I know....

Hi Geez,

I understand what your t was trying to do, but I think she could have said it in a kinder way. The way she said it would have bothered me alot. The way she said, "It's not about me" makes it sound like it's all black and white. Isn't there a middle ground? Why can't she be an important source of support as well as you having a support network of friends, etc.? That's probably what she meant, but if it was me, I would have to ask her about it. I hope you can clear this up with your t.

[Syra]

Originally Posted by refika

My T once told me that he "can't" be that important to me, when I told him how I felt after realizing I was experiencing some transference issues. I wanted to tell him WHY THE HECK NOT!! He helped me change my life, I rely on him for support, he helped me during some dark times in my life, and without him I don't know where I would be today.

How can he NOT be important in my life?

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