[mylifeart]

okat so my session today was all about the drama with all the therapist in my life. we talked about my ex-t today, which was ok.. because I do not really feel as bothered about it anymore.
some stuff was just unbelievable that my ex-t did, then I told her that my ex-t sent me a message a fb and said she wanted to message me back as a person not as a therapist.. my new t says don't you think it was past that point already?? and I thought about and she says you already knew way to much about her from the beginning... and I said i know, and I never ask her to share those things. and I looked at her and said i have been seeing you for a while and never once asked you any personal questions.. she says that's not what you here for.. I said exactly.. coming to the conclusion that my ex-t was never my therapist from the start it was too personal between us. then we got on the attachment thing, coming out about my own mom, and how attraction comes from attachment... and the reason i was so attached to my last t was because she looked a lot like my own mother. and i somewhere along my child hood emotionally deatached from my own mother... and that's what we are going to focus on when i go back...
i told her i feel cold towards everyone.. there was some laughs today.. but i feel like really this dang session was pretty pointless.. it was not solving my past and figuring out why all this is happening. jeeze and this time it couldn't of been based on my feelings, it had to be my memory that was triggered in session at some point.. have not even been thiking of ex-t

i really wish my therapist would re-direct me onto focusing on my childhood right now everytime my mind slips to this or something in the now... i just go on and on with memories i have of her.. and they stand in my mind very vividly... go away ex-t leave my mind and never come back!!!! you r interfearing with what i want to be doing and its not you. maybe talking about her is something i am doing to avoid my past. i just really felt like i wasted my time today. .

[tinyrabbit]

So what you're saying is: you keep thinking about your ex-T.

You're annoyed that your therapist isn't directing you to talk about your childhood. Because you don't want to talk about your ex-T.

Even though your ex-T is in your mind.

And you keep thinking about memories of your ex-T.

Sounds like your mind knows what you need to work on...

[mylifeart]

no I have a problem with de-focusing from what I am supposed to be talking about. and going on and on about things that has no point, and I talked to my therapist about this and I wanted her to point me back in that direction of where I am suppose to be..
this is where I take steps back from my progress.. this is why my disorder is so hard to be treated.. and I dnt relize I do it until I get home and think about... "okay what was the session really about"

I find that when talking about my last therapist, other therapist find it interesting.

I just asked her if I talk about her re-direct me or point that out to me.. so I can focus on what I need to be.. instead she engages in the convo. talking about it with me . validating that I think my last therapist is nuts. .. I already know that, I just cant change it.. to move on is what I want too... I want to start from the beginning of my life.. and then when we get to the therapist part we can talk about it.. until then I don't want too.. my emotions from it are going away. . . what I don't understand why my other sessions seemed to be going well the past couple times.. all of the sudden one thing triggered all of these memories of this women, not as my therapist it was all personal things that happened between her and I.

[CantExplain]

I wasted years of sessions on my mother. Except that the time wasn't wasted. That's what I needed to talk about.

[mylifeart]

you are right probally need to talk about it.
I just really am trying not to focus on that relationship anymore I just want it gone. because its over.. I have made my mind up on it and I don't want her to be a part of me anymore... I want her to be a part of my past, not my future.
so, agree need too.. just want to focus on me as a child at this point, my life with my parent, siblings and relatives.