is there an easy way to deal with the things we struggle with daily, the reasons we are in therapy? T told me a lot today and I am struggling with this information. I am not sure how to accept it.
T told me finally why I am so heartbroken and why I can't get over my ex, it makes sense but I don't know now what to do. I still think I might not be gay and especially now. I am completely lost again and this time t was flustered. She was telling me to change my thoughts and to try be happy but she didnt understand why I am feeling what I am feeling and that I am not trying to be unhappy I just am unhappy.
I get the feeling that t thinks she is a failure because i haveregressed so much in the last feww weeks.
I wish t hadnt told me all of this today and on top of it all, her phone rang twice and the next client came early whic has never happened before

[Raging Quiet]

It sounds like a tough session.

*sits with you*

Xxx

[~EnlightenMe~]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

is there an easy way to deal with the things we struggle with daily, the reasons we are in therapy? T told me a lot today and I am struggling with this information. I am not sure how to accept it.
T told me finally why I am so heartbroken and why I can't get over my ex, it makes sense but I don't know now what to do. I still think I might not be gay and especially now. I am completely lost again and this time t was flustered. She was telling me to change my thoughts and to try be happy but she didnt understand why I am feeling what I am feeling and that I am not trying to be unhappy I just am unhappy.
I get the feeling that t thinks she is a failure because i haveregressed so much in the last feww weeks.
I wish t hadnt told me all of this today and on top of it all, her phone rang twice and the next client came early whic has never happened before

I think that how you feel is how you feel, and that you have to accept this before you can change it. Why do you think that t thinks she is a failure? If you graph healing, it isn't always an uphill slope, it goes up and down, and that is normal. I think that you are putting too much pressure on yourself to make progress as you see it, and maybe accepting that progress can mean returning to old issues again and again, and that this is a part of the process of healing

T told you why you are so heartbroken and can't get over your x? Was she putting it in the perspective of your past? Just wondering, only answer if you want to do so.

Sorry about the phone calls and the next patient, it sounds like a stressful session. When do you see her again.

BTW, I have not figured out how to deal with my stuff on a day to day basis, it can feel like torture. Keep posting. Sending you tons of hugs!

[Perna]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

T told me finally why I am so heartbroken and why I can't get over my ex

No one else can definitively tell you about yourself, they can only give their opinion; only you can figure out and "know" about yourself and that has to happen in your own time/way. Some of your feeling overwhelmed sounds, to me, as if your T gave you a lot of stuff, not necessarily about "you" but for you to think about and see what you want to do with.

That's all we can do with other people's thoughts/words, the same as we should be doing with our own thoughts and feelings; listening and thinking about them and deciding what we want to do with them.

If I were you, I would move to paper and write down as much about today's session, the way it comes to you and is comfortable. If I were you, for example, I'd be listing things like mad;

1. T thinks I am heartbroken because ________
2. T thinks I am having trouble getting over my ex because _______
3. I think I need to work on not using the word "can't" (I started by adding the word "yet" to the end of those sentences that I wanted to write as "can't") But I am pretty sure your T does not use the word "can't" but was telling you why you "have trouble" or "difficulty" getting over your ex, so far (or "yet")).
4. I would like to make a list of what T said that makes sense and why and what still puzzles me
5. I think I might not be gay because ___________; other people (T?) have told me I may be because _____________
6. I think T believes and said I should just "try to be happy" but that does not make sense because I believe one "is"/"is not" happy/unhappy so either I don't understand what "try" means in this case or there's some other misunderstanding of mine or T's we should discuss
7. I feel T thinks she is a failure because of my actions
8. I am annoyed that T told me this whole mess at once today and had phone calls and her next client came early.

Then I'd feel relieved because it was all out there instead of swirling around in my head making my head hurt and I could go do something else instead of thinking about it all the time, maybe think about one thing a day or just take the whole thing to T next session and ask her to pick one to discuss, etc.

Originally Posted by Antimatter

I think that how you feel is how you feel, and that you have to accept this before you can change it. Why do you think that t thinks she is a failure? If you graph healing, it isn't always an uphill slope, it goes up and down, and that is normal. I think that you are putting too much pressure on yourself to make progress as you see it, and maybe accepting that progress can mean returning to old issues again and again, and that this is a part of the process of healing

T told you why you are so heartbroken and can't get over your x? Was she putting it in the perspective of your past? Just wondering, only answer if you want to do so.

Sorry about the phone calls and the next patient, it sounds like a stressful session. When do you see her again.

BTW, I have not figured out how to deal with my stuff on a day to day basis, it can feel like torture. Keep posting. Sending you tons of hugs!

I hope you find a way to deal with your stuff soon
T was putting it into perspective of my past and it was scarily accurate. it was like t opened up my head like a can of soup and picked my brains and took my past out. I am supposed to be taking a break for three weeks but t said that it would be cruel to take a break so I see her tuesday. thank you for explaining the healing and how it can go up and down, This makes me feel a little better and sometimes I get so caught up in my feelings I forget to take a look at the bigger picture. Thank you Anti

Originally Posted by Perna

No one else can definitively tell you about yourself, they can only give their opinion; only you can figure out and "know" about yourself and that has to happen in your own time/way. Some of your feeling overwhelmed sounds, to me, as if your T gave you a lot of stuff, not necessarily about "you" but for you to think about and see what you want to do with.

That's all we can do with other people's thoughts/words, the same as we should be doing with our own thoughts and feelings; listening and thinking about them and deciding what we want to do with them.

If I were you, I would move to paper and write down as much about today's session, the way it comes to you and is comfortable. If I were you, for example, I'd be listing things like mad;

1. T thinks I am heartbroken because ________
2. T thinks I am having trouble getting over my ex because _______
3. I think I need to work on not using the word "can't" (I started by adding the word "yet" to the end of those sentences that I wanted to write as "can't") But I am pretty sure your T does not use the word "can't" but was telling you why you "have trouble" or "difficulty" getting over your ex, so far (or "yet")).
4. I would like to make a list of what T said that makes sense and why and what still puzzles me
5. I think I might not be gay because ___________; other people (T?) have told me I may be because _____________
6. I think T believes and said I should just "try to be happy" but that does not make sense because I believe one "is"/"is not" happy/unhappy so either I don't understand what "try" means in this case or there's some other misunderstanding of mine or T's we should discuss
7. I feel T thinks she is a failure because of my actions
8. I am annoyed that T told me this whole mess at once today and had phone calls and her next client came early.

Then I'd feel relieved because it was all out there instead of swirling around in my head making my head hurt and I could go do something else instead of thinking about it all the time, maybe think about one thing a day or just take the whole thing to T next session and ask her to pick one to discuss, etc.

This is really great advice perna, thank you so much. I am goign to write up a list exactly like this in my journal tonight. Thank you for giving me back a smidgin of power by telling me no one can tell me about me. This is one of the areas that I really go wrong in. I give away all of my power to others.
T told me to go away this weekend and embrace life, to get out of my head and have some fun but first I have to journal, Thank you again for the fabulous advice

[ultramar]

but she didnt understand why I am feeling what I am feeling and that I am not trying to be unhappy I just am unhappy.

Sounds like a difficult session. But her opinion is only part of the picture, it's important for you to share the above and other things, otherwise you're stuck with her opinion, with no say in the situation.

Did she actually tell you you were 'trying to be unhappy' or is this how you interpreted it?

Did you try to explain what you're feeling and why? If and when she got it wrong, did you try to explain more? It certainly sounds like there's a disconnect, but the connection won't happen if and until you share with her.

[1stepatatime]

((((((((((monalisa))))))))))))))
I'm sorry that you had a tough session...she didn't answer her phone did she? ( although even if she didn't it is a huge distraction) what about the client arriving early? That shouldn't have shortened your session I would hope!

Originally Posted by ultramar

but she didnt understand why I am feeling what I am feeling and that I am not trying to be unhappy I just am unhappy.

Sounds like a difficult session. But her opinion is only part of the picture, it's important for you to share the above and other things, otherwise you're stuck with her opinion, with no say in the situation.

Did she actually tell you you were 'trying to be unhappy' or is this how you interpreted it?

Did you try to explain what you're feeling and why? If and when she got it wrong, did you try to explain more? It certainly sounds like there's a disconnect, but the connect ion won't happen if and until you share with her.

She did tell me I had a choice to be happy or sad and at the moment I was choosing to be unhappy. I should explain that my t practises a lot of glasser and cbt, she is all for choice therapy and when I say I am depressed she will correct me and say, no you are depressing.l wasn't very good at it because I was crying so hard and couldnt even talk. This was the first time I couldn't even look at her for the whole session. We didn't make eye contact once.
[quote=1stepatatime;3142769]((((((((((monalisa))))))))))))))
I'm sorry that you had a tough session...she didn't answer her phone did she? ( although even if she didn't it is a huge distraction) what about the client arriving early? That shouldn't have shortened your session I would hope![/q
No she didnt answer her phone but she got a text and answered that. She how I was feeling terrible and her phone went off, she asked if it was ok to answer, I was just explaining to her how awful I felt and she wasnt listening because she was texting and I had to explain it all again. She didnt cut my session short but she was distracted the whole way through. It hurt because i really needed her to be there yesterday.

[1stepatatime]

[QUOTE=monalisasmile;3142851]She did tell me I had a choice to be happy or sad and at the moment I was choosing to be unhappy. I should explain that my t practises a lot of glasser and cbt, she is all for choice therapy and when I say I am depressed she will correct me and say, no you are depressing.l wasn't very good at it because I was crying so hard and couldnt even talk. This was the first time I couldn't even look at her for the whole session. We didn't make eye contact once.

Originally Posted by 1stepatatime

((((((((((monalisa))))))))))))))
I'm sorry that you had a tough session...she didn't answer her phone did she? ( although even if she didn't it is a huge distraction) what about the client arriving early? That shouldn't have shortened your session I would hope![/q
No she didnt answer her phone but she got a text and answered that. She how I was feeling terrible and her phone went off, she asked if it was ok to answer, I was just explaining to her how awful I felt and she wasnt listening because she was texting and I had to explain it all again. She didnt cut my session short but she was distracted the whole way through. It hurt because i really needed her to be there yesterday.

Whoa....she was texting during your session? There is no excuse for that...and for her to ask you if it is okay for her to answer the phone...how insensitive!! I would be very candid with her and let her know how those distractions impacted you...you needed your T to be attentive to you...and it seems like she made the situation worse. I hope that she realizes how inappropriate it was. Thinking of you!!

[tinyrabbit]

I don't think your T should be using her phone in your sessions, or asking you if it's okay - it's not your job to maintain her boundaries.

I agree but as it was an emergency, she was waiting on some confirmation text it was okay this once or twice lol, seems to happen a lot lately. I think a lot happened at once the other day and t was just distracted. I get that she has bad days too, we all do.