My therapist dumped me when I told her I had issue with transference.

Thanks for your input. It did occur to me that she is concerned about protecting herself for the reasons you stated; she began hugging me after every session in such a way that her breasts were pressed firmly to my chest and I couldn't help but get aroused. I doubt if her concern was on my behalf. I think she lacked the courage and character to deal with it. But, I don't think she was coming on to me in any way. I think she meant well, but used poor judgement. So now she's afraid of being criticized if it came to light. I would never make trouble for her.

I think it is possible that she was. But, that's not uncommon or unethical. We are all human, but dumping me was devastating (mixed with other emotions) to me.

I told her it was fixable. In fact I said 'your not irresistible', but I didn't say it with malice.

I told her that I was not engaging in 'bad transference' (as she called it). I said I can't help it without 'your' help. And that I get attached to people that I like and that's not abnormal and that I Evan have love for people (outside of my family). But, it was the erotic sensations that I wanted to go away. Instead she made me go away. She told me in so many words that 'it' wasn't going to work anymore' so I made it easy for both of us and said, ok, 'I won't be coming back'.

She had no reason to feel it was insurmountable, because I had just told her about it. (explicitly) She didn't have time to evaluate or determine if it could be fixed. She shot from the hip and said it's not going to work. That is after 10 years with her. I can't help but think that she is afraid because my hinting at my transference went over her head and she was hugging away at me. She ran scared.

First of all, I'm sorry that you lost your son. How tragic!
About your T. After 10 years, I would think that you would have had a stronger relationship and could have discussed this situation. Your T should have been able to do that! I would guess she had countertransference--feelings for you, or why would she make such a hasty decision? I'm really sorry this happened. Is there any chance that you could go back and discuss it with her? Quitting so suddenly after 10 years is going to be hard on you, no matter what the reason. Not that YOU did anything wrong; she couldn't handle her feelings, it seems.

Friday 6/21/13 the date of the last session, I went hoping that I could discuss it with her as you suggested. She kept throwing in a 'red herring' to avoid getting down to the facts of the matter, because (I believe) she knows she screwed up and just wants me gone. The 'red herring' was her repeated assertion that any therapeutic progress would be impossible due the erotic transference. She would interrupt me with that mantra as I was trying to make a point; my point being that I needed her to get me through it. Yes, the worst happened and I am devastated that after 10 years she threw me overboard. I am a mess over it and maybe that is due in part to my transference. So I don't think talking to her again would help. I am a potential form of professional embarrassment in her view. All she wants between me and her is distance. Thanks for your concern.

She could have been honest and forthcoming if nothing else. If she had done that I could accept it better. Instead she tried to baffle me with her 'BS' (which I saw right through) and that made it worse. It was a selfish, callous betrayal and insult to my meager intelligence.

10 tears with a therapist is a very long time, I think that you have handled this really well, I think many people would be very angry with their therapists, Good on you.
Are you going to look for another T?

Oh my god, and were the hugs for long? This is very poor judgement and behaviour on her part. Of course you would get aroused and I am shocked at her encouraging it. You did nothing wrong. Your ts behaviour is appalling.
Hugs are only supposed to be shoulder to shoulder (no breasts) and very brief .
I am sorry this happened to you Early
Do you plan on reporting her for terminating over this? I do believe she was very unethical here and you suffered

You are not a professional embarrassment here, she is the failure. She failed you in the end and she is the professional embarrassment.

wow...I am SO sorry that this has happened to you! wow...I'm appalled!

OP - I am sorry your therapist was so unskilled.

I agree one should not tell them things that are risky unless one is willing to risk their reaction. They are not all able to handle everything and the prudent client tells them no more than they are willing to lose. I am not criticizing the OP here, one may become lulled into trusting them for many reasons and by many forces, in my opinion. Therapists are not always (or in my opinion even usually) deserving of that trust.

Thank you for your concern and reply. No, I could never report her. Yes, the hugs were the type and duration that my wife gives me when I leave the house. I was very, very surprised when she began hugging me, but I,thought it was ok if the professional thought so. And to be honest it was euphoric in the way she would squeeze me tight for a few seconds and upon feeling her shapely figure against my body I became 'smitten' by her. I paid the price when I found myself obsessing over her between sessions and of course even more so when she dumped me when I broached the subject of what I was going through. I can't believe it!

I am sorry this happened to you and it sounds very painful! I wonder too if it is that she couldn't handle her own feelings not as much that she couldn't handle yours.

While it must not be easy to find another therapist after this, I hope you do and make certain to take care of yourself. This is such an incredible betrayal and failure on her part. Continue to post here as much as you need to in order to help you.

I would never trust another T with personal matters again. I joined this group to vent and share about it because there is no one in my life that I could discuss this with, certainly not my wife, she would be very upset. I feel more hollow and lost than I have in quite a long time.

Thank you, I will keep posting here and I am very grateful to all of you; I have nobody to talk to about it. Certainly not my wife, she'd be really upset. Not my friends or brother, although they mean well they have offered advise that is based on complete ignorance of what is going on inside me. Even though my relationship with you folks is 'virtual'. I am extremely grateful for it.

Thanks for you comment. She has being a LCSW for many years. Regarding my companionship, I am happily married. My transference for her felt like love and erotic desire. I needed to broach the subject to get some relief from it. It seemed to feel like actual physical pressure and I obsessed about her between sessions. I felt guilty over it, being married. When I did broach the subject she dumped me, but I did get some of the relief of that feeling of pressure for having broached the subject. But, now I'm angry, really in the dumps and I feel betrayed. Part of the betrayal was her downplaying my anxiety/depression issue in order to set me up for the abandonment. She wouldn't dare try to downplay the loss of my 22 year old son; a soldier and Iraq war vet. She always seemed so caring and warm. When I told her about the transference and that she contributed to it with the hugs she got her back up and became heartless right in the office where I had trusted her for so long.

Regarding finding a new T, I don't think that I could trust anyone again with what I had shared with the betrayer. Details about the sadness, guilt and anger of losing my 22 year old boy. Ryan passed away in a motor vehicle crash near Fort Stewart Georgia where he was training for his 2nd tour in Iraq. Nor could I trust anyone with details of my life long depression - anxiety, abused childhood and my recovery from alcohol abuse. I am not ashamed of these wounds, but I would not have confidence in any T after this betrayal.

All of my previous therapist dump me too when i told them i have feeling for them. They just get rid of me and let it be someone else's problem It really hurting me.

Well an LCSW very well might not have the training and education of a PhD psychologist to be dealing with transference. After ten years, you may have exhausted the limits of her expertise. I started with LCSW, or she might have been an MCSW, and I know I am in more capable hands now.

I am sorry that you have repeatedly experienced being dumped. My T clearly contributed to the transference and that makes me resentful of her dumping me. I wish she had kept her hands to herself!

My experience working with an LCSW vs. a PhD. echoes hankster's post. My LCSW never brought up transference on any level despite it clearly being present. My current T is a PhD and has taken therapy to a completely different level.

I encourage you to find a T that can help you with your transference issues with your former T. There is no reason to suffer in painful silence when there are Ts who can help you through the process. Some LCSWs work with transference issues too, but many do not.

Hi,

It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of pain, understandably so. I think you were very brave to tell her how you felt, that can't have been easy but your bravery was not rewarded with the response you needed, which was being understood.
I can only guess at what she was feeling but it sounds like she re-acted rather than responded and let her emotions take over.

10 years is a significant period of time in therapy and it seems like she was able to be of good support during that time, which makes the fact it has ended this way almost harder to deal with.

Don't punish yourself by cutting yourself off from support. If you have no one else to talk to, please consider seeing another therapist. Even on a short term basis to help you with this issue. You are in control of what you disclose to them but it may be good to just have that confidential space to talk to someone about this.

I'm sorry this happened. It sounds like maybe she got overwhelmed and was unsure about how to handle the situation? Therapists are trained to deal with transferance, and i am so sorry that this happened to you. There definately could have been alternatives to her "dumping" you. i imagine that you feel hurt, and scared. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me. I had a therapist do the same thing...