[ShaggyChic_1201]

Ugh. I think I need to bring up the horrid topic of sex.

The truth is, I'm suddenly becoming kinda obsessed. I'm CSA and multiple SA survivor who is now divorcing my latest perp.

I was married to a sex addict with weird fetishes, so sex was complicated. I have never enjoyed sex. I've endured it. I've pretended so I'd seem "normal".

And now that I'm starting to feel free of that, I want sex. I'm flirting with a married man - awful, i know - but I will never have sex with him and he knows it. But oh how it is making me feel! I've never once felt excited and I'm in my mid-40s.

I went out to dinner with a work colleague who was in from out of town and he point blank asked me to go to his hotel room and have sex. Said he was very good at it. And yes, I knew he was married too, so I said no ... but again, I sure wanted to do it.

Now I'm getting ready to go overseas for a while. And I'm fantasizing about all the interesting men I can sleep with. I won't do it. But why am I feeling this way?

Can anyone relate to this post-post-post adolescent behavior?

I can relate but only from the perspective of my bipolar hypersexuality. Which we are looking into at the moment with my T. last week we discussed my lack of self-love as a source of this behaviour. Maybe someone else has a different perspective.

[likelife]

I wish I could relate to it

It sounds pretty normal (whatever that is), given that you're on the brink of being "free" from the latest perp. Is there any reason not to enjoy yourself?

My T was telling me last week that she seems to recently be talking with a lot of middle aged women who are rediscovering their sexuality, apart from their relationships. Not necessarily that they're being unfaithful, but that they get to experience themselves as sexual beings, and, as T put it, under ideal circumstances, they get to bring that newfound confidence and excitement back to their committed relationships!

[unaluna]

Plus I think there's s hormonal surge that happens - a last flare up before it fizzles out. You might want to take advantage of it! She said from her ancient vantage point...

[FeelTheBurn]

bubsmiley, it sounds to me like you're enjoying the exhilarating feeling of being at last in control of your sexual self. You're taking ownership! Enjoy that feeling, nurture it; fantasize, flirt, and relish your ability to feel excited without any negative or hurtful input. (that might be why the married men are extra alluring, too: their unavailability is safe)

Just please be careful with yourself, too, and make sure your head is in charge if you choose to act on it.

[anilam]

As Likelife already said- I with I could relate to this...
I think its a sign of you healing

[WikidPissah]

As long as you are safe, there is nothing wrong with having sex with an available man. Maybe you need to live a little? I think it is a healthy sign.