[Miswimmy1]

I have one more session left with my old t before termination. Its been really hard. i feel like the time is going by so fast and i have yet to process so much of what has happened- residential, the transition, losing my t with no warning. old t is trying to help me, but we only have one session left. New t tries, but i feel like she is so biased against old t that it doesn't really help me to talk with her because I find myself editing so much out that might make her more judgemental of old t (as well as the fact that new t is a CBT specialist and not so much a talk therapist).

I am starting to think that I should see someone to talk specifically about the strong transferance I had with old t. The first thought that popped into mind was old t's cooworker, who I saw for a two week period when old t had surgery. I really liked her and I feel like it would help because i know they are friends and so she won't have a bad bias. But is this inappropriate?

[elaygee]

I dont think you have to decide that. If its inappropriate coworker T will set that boundary.

[FeelTheBurn]

The first thing that comes to my mind is, if you're worried about editing yourself to protect old T, why do you think you wouldn't do that with her old coworker? You'd likely feel the impulse to edit negatives with her, too, to either protect your T or yourself from her disapproval.

Setting aside whether or not the old coworker would think it ethical, I would worry that re-entering your old T's circle would make things harder, as well.

[Wren_]

If she is professional it shouldn't be inappropriate; it might be worth asking your old t about in the last session?

[Miswimmy1]

Originally Posted by FeelTheBurn

The first thing that comes to my mind is, if you're worried about editing yourself to protect old T, why do you think you wouldn't do that with her old coworker? You'd likely feel the impulse to edit negatives with her, too, to either protect your T or yourself from her disapproval.

Setting aside whether or not the old coworker would think it ethical, I would worry that re-entering your old T's circle would make things harder, as well.

I don't think I would edit because i like her and I feel safe with her. Plus, it won't matter what I tell her because she has known my old t long enough to have formed her own opinion regardless of what I tell her.

[Bill3]

What makes it matter what new t thinks of old t?

[Miswimmy1]

Because its not therapeutic. I tell new t about old t and she just nods her head and tells me that she is very angry at old t and how she was a bad t because she blurred her boundaries. I want to talk nice things about old t. Not have new t prove she's right.

[Bill3]

Have you had a discussion about how new t's remarks about old t are making you feel? If so, what happened?

[Miswimmy1]

I have not had a talk about it... But she basically told me, that she has a strong opinion and if I am going to stick with her, I have to deal with the fact that "I am very angry at your old t and disapprove of her"

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by Miswimmy1

I have not had a talk about it... But she basically told me, that she has a strong opinion and if I am going to stick with her, I have to deal with the fact that "I am very angry at your old t and disapprove of her"

I dunno... This raises some serious red flags for me. I'm trying to think of a circumstance under which it would be okay for your therapist to say that to you. I think even if your old T had abused you (most drastic example I can think of) it would not be up to new T to tell you what to think or feel (or force you to deal with her feelings about it!) rather she should be creating a space in which you get to explore how you feel about what happened and arrive at your own conclusions. Her anger shouldn't be your problem--that's between her and HER therapist. Your therapy should be about YOUR feelings.
All that said, DOES new T think old T abused you in some way?

[Asiablue]

I think one professional denigrating another in front of a client is deeply unprofessional. And her displeasure at your old T's practice has nothing to do with you and you shouldn't be privy to her opinion. And telling you that you need to "deal with it" is a crap attitude. You as the client don't need to deal with anything of that sort. Her opinions are not conducive to your therapy. In fact by voicing her strong opinions she has already harmed the therapeutic alliance between you and her, so how is her practice any better than the last T's at the moment?

[Perna]

It would be up to your old T to answer that question; she might think it a conflict of interest and not see you or it would be okay and she would.

If you are having to edit stuff out, it sounds like you are talking too much about the person and not enough about the problem. Make sure you are not just trying to find a substitute for or talk about old-T instead of moving on; when someone dies, the bereaved talks about grieving in therapy, the difficulties of their individual life now, in the present, not about the dead person.

[~EnlightenMe~]

It sounds like your new T is preventing you from experiencing all of your emotions about termination, which is a huge opportunity to heal from whatever transference was involved/connected with your old T. If your T is angry, then your possible anger surrounding termination might be difficult to express or might not surface, because now it seems that your Ts anger is impeding your ability to process what is happening with you. My T validated my emotions and supported me and I expressed a ton of anger both toward xT and myself, which wouldnt have.happened if he.had been angry for me, if that makes sense? I hope you find another T. You need your therapy to be about you.

[ultramar]

Does old T's coworker have similar boundaries as your old T? If so (aside from the difficulties surrounding talking about old T with new T) do you think this might be why you want to see her? And/or because seeing her would maintain some sort of connection with old T (not literally, of course)?

[Miswimmy1]

Thank u all for such thoughtful replies... I don't know how to quote multiple ppl. But anyway, yes. New t expressing her anger so outright raises a red flag for me as well. I feel like she is way too opinionated. And that is putting a barrier up between us.

It's an interesting idea that maybe I want to see old ts coworker to maintain some relationship with t, indirectly. I do have to think about that because I think u may be on to something, ultramar.

Ultimately I think I am just trying to find closure. And since new t isn't really helping with that, I am trying to still hang on to my relationship with old t and any connections I may have. :/

I can't really talk to old t about seeing her coworker because we only have one session left and I don't want to ruin it with such a loaded conversation. Because there will be no follow up.

All that being said, I still don't know what to do.

[Bill3]

What might be options for responding to new t's outright hostility to old t and to new t's "take it or leave it" attitude?

[Miswimmy1]

I've already told her that it is affecting how functional our work together is and he assured me that her bias would have no affect on therapy. But it still is. Even if she holds in her remarks now, I still know...

Not sure what else I can do

[Bill3]

To what extent does she acknowledge and accept your feelings? In other words, what does she say about your feelings, as opposed to her beliefs?

[Miswimmy1]

She just says that I can always talk about old t because it will help with closure. She doesn't really say anything about what I say. She just nods. I would love to think about all the memories I had with old t and share them... Which is why I was thinking of ts coworker. Because we are mutually sharing feelings