[Raging Quiet]

Yesterday I was talking about hiding the self harm from my husband and for some reason I was smiling(?!) and giggling(?!) when I was telling her.

She asked me why I was smiling so much about being deceitful? I have no idea why I was laughing (goodness knows I hate lying to my husband and don't find it funny, it's something that I am trying so hard to stop doing and it would break his heart if he knew)

She said I was regressing, I thought 17 years old but she said younger because of the games I was playing (like laughing/hiding things?) and turned quite cold towards me.

Can anyone decipher this psychobabble? Does anyone else laugh when talking about upsetting things (about themselves only) but not feel its funny inside? I wouldn't laugh if anyone told me they were s/h so why did I find it 'funny'?

[Benetduncan]

Hey there,

Laughing is a defense mechanism which we use quite often in situations where we feel nervous or when a situation or setting is incongruous. So don't punish yourself for laughing.

What do you mean by games? Were you playing games? Maybe you should ask your therapist what she meant by this and why it bothered her so (was it a conscious part of therapy or not?).

Hope you're well!

[Raging Quiet]

I assume she meant I was childish as I was hiding things and being deceitful.

Thanks for your reply though, T also said to me she doesn't know why I don't cry in therapy, I just seem to smile saying awful things :\

I'm sorry to hear this, Rect0pathic. It seems like such an important area to explore, and I wish your T was more empathetic and curious about it. Maybe you have not yet reached the point where you want or need to cry? Sounds like your T is being a little judgmental about your reactions and defense mechanisms... that's just my interpretation here, of course. I know you've been seeing your T for a while and I am sure she has been helpful. But this seems to be a slight stumbling block.

I had a therapist explain it to me as "inappropriate affect".

She didn't get mad at me or yell at me or anything like that though, she helped me to see how it is just another poor coping mechanism I developed in order to survive the abuses I grew up in.

The sad thing is it can get you in trouble in some situations in current real life especially if dealing with serious situations and circumstances in relationships at home, school, work, etc.

I'm better about it now, but I still find myself there sometimes - almost like a default setting - when I find myself in stressful situations it still kicks in like it's on Auto Pilot or something.

At any rate, your therapist shouldn't be "scolding" you on this, she should be helping you learn alternative ways to deal with it!

[Wren_]

To me your response seems more understandable than your therapists; maybe because I've used nervous laughter as a defense mechanism myself in a number of situations. I'm not sure why she labelled it regressing unless she means it's a mechanism you used to use and haven't done for awhile now; so back to that mechanism rather than to an age? it doesn't sound like you were finding things funny; more like it was difficult

The marriage counselor we see has commented several times on my "incongruous" affect and that I smile at times when I am stating I am upset. He said there was a learning curve for him in having to listen harder to what I actually say rather than how I look like I feel. He ignored what I was saying a couple of times because I didn't "look" like I was in as much pain as I said, and pushed me really hard and it didn't go well.

I don't think it's all that uncommon to smile or laugh while in discomfort. My daughter smiles when she's anxious or upset and trying not to cry.

[Perna]

Good article on the subject: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...1/why-we-laugh

It took T2 a while to figure it out... once she said to me... "I realize the bigger your smile when you come in...the worse you feel". But she didn't say it in a judgemental way. She was just saying that was what she noticed...

My H goes to group therapy and he said he was talking about some painful stuff in a joking and laughing manner. H said his group T called him out on it and told him he wasn't "allowed" to do that anymore... My H said it happened automatically but said he was able to "notice" when he was doing it and stop himself even if he was in the middle of doing it...

[tinyrabbit]

Are you sure your T was telling you off? I smile sometimes at the most incongruent moments and my T will ask why, and I just assume he's having a go - when he's probably not.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

My H goes to group therapy and he said he was talking about some painful stuff in a joking and laughing manner. H said his group T called him out on it and told him he wasn't "allowed" to do that anymore... My H said it happened automatically but said he was able to "notice" when he was doing it and stop himself even if he was in the middle of doing it...

His group T sounds like a tool.

[SkinnySoul]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

Can anyone decipher this psychobabble? Does anyone else laugh when talking about upsetting things (about themselves only) but not feel its funny inside? I wouldn't laugh if anyone told me they were s/h so why did I find it 'funny'?

Yes, I do this once in a while but my T is quite used to it now. He just smiles at me in a I-feel-for-you-and-I-know-how-******-your-life-is way.

The other day I was telling T "It's so ridiculous, they're gonna find me dead with my head stuck in a toilet and puke all over the place!" and I was really laughing!(I'm bulimic)

I think it is a coping mechanism, it relieves pressure.
Your T should have handle it better IMO.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Rect0pathic

She said I was regressing, I thought 17 years old but she said younger because of the games I was playing (like laughing/hiding things?) and turned quite cold towards me.

((Rect0pathic))

Therapists seem to enjoy telling patients that they are behaving like children. It is one of their less attractive features. And turning cold is not productive.

T may have a point when she says our behaviour is coming from a young place. But she needs to make it clear that she is not stigmatising it.

[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

((Rect0pathic))

Therapists seem to enjoy telling patients that they are behaving like children. It is one of their less attractive features. And turning cold is not productive.

T may have a point when she says our behaviour is coming from a young place. But she needs to make it clear that she is not stigmatising it.

Thank you.

I needed someone to say that, I was feeling like a brat. Although she enjoyed me telling her I felt reckless; I can never work out what 'age' I am in therapy.

[ThisWayOut]

I that way too sometimes. It's mostly when I feel really ashamed or bad about something. Only 1 therapist mentioned anything about it before I could blurry out it's a coming mechanism that I use when really ashamed or anxious about something. It makes me more ashamed when I laugh at times like that. Tho part of me is really laughing... that's the worst part. But mostly it's just a nervous reaction, like u was caught with my hand in the cookie jar... I think it has a lot to do with getting through past abuses as mentioned above. I know I was never allowed to cry, but I would laugh to get my dad to start laughing so he wouldn't be quite as mad at me.

[xiuxiu]

I always smile or chuckle as I'm recounting terrible things that have happened to me. If I'm telling my therapist about how bad I feel, I will usually look down and smile to myself. My sister is the same way, and we've been through a lot together. My therapist is aware of this and understands that it's my way of dealing with it, so I haven't had to explain that to her. She will just listen with a thoughtful expression. I only realized I do this as a defense mechanism because I had a psychiatric nurse who pointed it out to me.