[Miswimmy1]

New t... I don't know what to do. I tried so hard to be good in session today... Here is a couple things she said.

I told her about possibly getting evaluated for a LD and her response was a story about how easy it is to get a diagnosis when u don't really have one. (I felt very invalidated)

I told her about my essay about stimulant medication abuse in students and her immediate reply, "have u ever taken something to help u study?" (I felt very accused)

I told her that I was already on stimulants for ADHD. Her response, "so basically your on speed". (Wth! I am growing angrier)

I had suggested that we bond over food. I used to do that with old t all the time. She said, so u want a brownie? I looked and it was half gone. I know that is selfish but I thought we were going to bond. Us. Not her and her other patients and then us. It hurt my feelings, because she said "u had such a good idea about bonding over food".

All in all... A bad session. What do u all think? Maybe I'm just over reacting

[Leah123]

I think you'll know what to think once you are able to print or otherwise share this with your therapist. Then, she can explain her meaning, and you'll know whether to stay upset with her or not.

As for myself, I would have been offended about or uncomfortable with most of the things you mentioned. Good luck, I hope it works out well for you!

[Raging Quiet]

Hi lovely,

The first few sessions with a new T can be hard because they are trying to understand what we choose to mention and why it's significant. Saying that, I can understand why you felt invalidated with a few points. When my T goes off tangent, I usually write something down so it gets the communication accurate. I wasted years being too afraid to correct T, but know now I won't be able to heal unless I speak the truth.

I'm sorry your session was so difficult for you, when are you seeing T next?

[tinyrabbit]

I think it was a bad session. And I think it's worth talking to her so you can try to determine whether it's a fundamental personality mismatch, or something you can work through. Maybe your T has a sense of humour that isn't working for you.

The speed comment would annoy the heck out of me. Be annoyed! But do go back and tell her - I think the proof of the pudding is in how she handles your annoyance.

[0w6c379]

Sorry your first session went so badly. I don't like that she seems to be jumping to conclusions. It sounds like that, or else she's trying to impress you with her "knowledge". Either way, I'm not liking her approach. I might give her another session. Are you looking to bond with her at your first meeting? Or do you mean "click"? I thought bonding with someone takes time. Like many sessions of getting to know one another. For me "clicking" with someone comes rather quickly. I see that as kind of an immediate connection of the minds or simply a feeling you get about someone that they are your kind of people. Maybe you are looking for that immediate connection?

[elliemay]

The speed comment would make me angry. I would probe there to see what she meant by that.

[anilam]

Originally Posted by elliemay

The speed comment would make me angry. I would probe there to see what she meant by that.

But it actually works like speed... That's why some professionals don't push meds for it. However, I think it's highly unprofessional of a T to say stg like that to her minor client. Even if she were just joking. BTW, it is taking stimulants to help with studying... Maybe that's why Miswimmy picked her essay topic?

I do agree with her with the LD dx. I do think its too in fashion nowadays. Sorry, that you felt invalidated.
Don't get the bonding over food though- did she have brownies in her office for other clients to eat? Or offered you a half of one to eat? Doesn't it work more like you bring stg, she brings stg and you share it in session?

[Miswimmy1]

No I didn't know she was bringing anything. I had asked about bringing food for us to share. And she didn't answer and brought it. But I wanted it to be us.

She brought a plate of brownie bites that were already half gone

[Perna]

State the parentheticals as your response and stop her in her tracks. Get a discussion going so you and she are clear about what each other is saying. Knowing you feel invalidated, accused, angry, disapppointed, etc. is only half the battle; it's good you can identify what you feel but you have to express it to the "other" so it can be checked and you can better understand each other; it does not make sense for her to invalidate, accuse, anger, disappoint you does it? She obviously is not aware of how you are hearing what she is saying. She won't/shouldn't guess, tell her!

What was the point of your story? I feel invalidated.
Why are you asking me that question right now? I feel accused.
What is your attitude toward ADHD medication; from what you just said, I feel you don't approve of it and, since I take it, we have a problem if that is so.
Why are half of my brownie bites gone; I suggested you and I bond over food, not you and every tom, charles, and harry in your practice!@#$#

[Syra]

I'm so sorry Miswimmy. Those comments sound very hurtful to me.

[BonnieJean]

I would have had a tough time with t's responses.

[Purpledaze]

Sorry you are having a tough time with your new T I think those were hurtful comments.

I would definitely bring it up with her. I know it's hard but I've found that explaining about things that are not helpful is good for the T relationship in the end.

[Favorite Jeans]

I agree. It sounds like a very tough session. Was there anything redeeming about it? Anything that made you think "on the other hand she was lovely/validating/astute in this other area?"
I think go with your gut here.
Yeah, I agree with the idea of telling T "when you said x I felt y" but really saying "so basically, you're on speed" is insulting and whatever her thoughts about LD she should bite her freaking tongue until you ask her opinion about it (or until she knows you better.) Those difficult conversations where you bring a major misattunement to the attention of your T should not need to happen in the first session. She she be working harder to make you feel safe, welcome and understood.
She sounds unskilled to me. For eg she could have said re: your paper "how did you become interested in that topic?" That would have shown genuine engagement and if you did want to talk about any experience you may have had with those drugs, she'd have opened the door in a non-threatening, non-accusatory way.
I would look for someone else.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Miswimmy

[Favorite Jeans]

Just reread a bit of this thread and wanted to clarify.... I think when you're invested in the relationship and you basically like and trust your T it is very important to tell them what isn't helpful. But when a T is super-unhelpful on several occasions in the first session, I don't think it's worth your effort. Because they haven't done anything to demonstrate that they want to understand and help you.