[delicatefade26]

Hey y'all-hope you are doing well!

Ok...so in the beginning of June I explained to T that I will be covered by insurance that includes therapy. He said he could give me invoices to turn in to the insurance company as he does not bill. He said he could email me the info. So...I still haven't gotten them-this is after a couple of mentions in person and an email with all of June's info laid out for him-just needed the info from him so I could send it in...now T is on summer vacation from his day job as a therapist at a college...but he is seeing his private practice clients throughout the summer minus the holidays he is taking...I know he does not check his emails hardly while on break...but it's been a month...here is the email I sent-what do y'all think?

Hi T,

I hope you are having a good weekend! I'm sure a lot of it has been spent at the ball field : ) I hope your boys have good games!
I'm writing because I have to get this out-it's bothered me for too long now. It has caused me great anxiety and frustration and it has been a block to me in a way of therapy the past month. I didn't realize it until I had a panic attack about it...usually I can't figure out what causes them because it's usually everything jumbled together. I know what was at the root of it this time. I know you might think it's ridiculous-but I actually had a dream about it-where I was absolutely angry with you and you ignored my feelings in a dismissive manner.
Last session I was impatient with you-and I said it was because I was on my period and moody...that was partly the issue-but I'm also frustrated with you.
I have requested the invoices from June-since the beginning of June...it's been over a month now since you said you would be able to email me the info needed. I agree that a monthly thing would be fine...but I've explained that since I will be independent financially I can only continue therapy with getting my refunds. When I asked you said you could-now if that is not true-and it's a big pain in the ***-like you act like it is...then I honestly won't be able to see you anymore. So if it is-I need you to be honest with me and we can move forward accordingly.
I know you are on summer break-and I get that-and you probably have something in your consent form that says something about it...but it has left me feeling like its unimportant to you or too much of a hassle-because I explained I wouldn't be able to see you without this process and yet...I've Waited over a month. it's not just about the invoices it's about how it makes me feel...I would never want to be a pain in the ***-and I don't want you to be annoyed with me over this-but I couldn't stop from explaining how it bothers me. I also feel like if it were one of your clients that were couples or something that you wouldn't be so dismissive or forgetful or I'm not sure what it is...but you wouldn't put them off like you have with this with me. I just feel like in the professional realm I deserve that response from you or at least not a dismissive or no response-vacation or not...I've waited a month. I even sent you all the info I had laid it all out in an email titled "June Info"...and nothing. it makes me feel all kinds of emotions. Part of me is absolutely terrified of even saying anything and hates thinking you might be annoyed and that I will have to punish myself for even bringing it up. Then there is another part that's just like "dude, what's the deal?! I know you have trouble with this kind of stuff especially when you are busy or on vaca-but get it together! Gah!!!"
So, I will need the honest truth if we can do this or not...let me know-so if I need to I can start looking at going a different route. I just had to get this out because it's been bothering me. Thank you for reading (if you do get to this). Talk to ya later.

*Delicate*

[elaygee]

An invoice is not hard to write up at all. Wonder what the delay is? I wonder about setting up an agreement that when you give him the moolah, he gives you an invoice. It'd be session by session but for me it'd decrease the anxiety! You need to get some of that money back. That's a place you just don't mess around with people.

I think your T will be apologetic about being so forgetful. Hopefully validate that you need the information and that it was irresponsible for him to leave it hanging.

PS: My boss is ADHD. I use him as an example because being self employed my ADHD boss is very forgetful, when it comes to extremely important things like financial issues. And I've had to sit him down and say I need you to respond to these things because it messes up my life when I don't get things done on time, which means I don't get paid on time. He's trying but still is a struggle.

[Syra]

I'm not sure how to respond. We would all approach it differently. I guess I can say that if it was a letter to me from a client, I would hear the frustration, and I might be a little defensive (becuase I've messed up), but I would also know that it is my duty as the professional to respond to the client's needs (within professional bounds, but this surely is) and I said I would do something.

I find you response totally understandable, and very honest. I hear how frustrating it is for you. Asking, waiting, reminding, and it still not working and wondering what is going on and being afraid of what might be going on. And you generally kept it your feelings and thoughts and fears, not labeling him as this or that.

I hope he responds to this so you at least have an answer.

[unaluna]

Wow. I would send him another email with JUST insurance info on it - all your name addr and ins nos, birthdate, soc sec no, and dates of all your sessions, maybe one email per month. Just a nice summary that he could print out and or forward to his billing person. No offense but I was having a hard time even understanding what your post was about. If it's business, write a business only email. Make it as easy for them as possible. I send my t a new email at the beginning of each year with all my insurance info. Even if my addr and phone number hasnt changed, I send that too, so they have a fresh copy. These guys are not rocket surgeons!

Eta: also my t can be notoriously slow at submitting bills, so that's not unusual.

[delicatefade26]

Hankster I did send him an email with only the business information needed-I laid it all out for him a few weeks ago.

[delicatefade26]

Also he does not have a billing person-this is for reimbursement from insurance company-that I send in-I just need his part...and I laid that info out clearly for him...still nothing.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

Hankster I did send him an email with only the business information needed-I laid it all out for him a few weeks ago.

Sorry. Then I wouldn't worry? It's him that's not getting paid - or is it possible it will affect you? Then you need to make that clear. " i am worried that We may need to talk about what the charges will be for these sessions if insurance rejects them. I can only afford my copay."

Also nice to see your post, altho im sorry youre upset by this

[tinyrabbit]

I think he's being really shoddy, but I also think your email was too focused on your feelings. This isn't ultimately about feelings. It's a practical, business issue and he is not being professional. I have zero sympathy with anyone who feels defensive when they are called on unprofessional behaviour.

I'm in the UK, so I don't understand this stuff about Ts being late submitting bills. He's running a business, he should act like it.

Stop saying you're being ridiculous. You're not. And stop trying to read his mind, or predict how he'd behave with another client, instead of making your very strong case! I would follow it up with another email along these lines - feel free to cut and paste any of it that's useful but make sure you fill in the gaps where relevant.

Dear T,

I am writing about a serious issue that is currently compromising my therapy with you. As I have explained, my insurance company will reimburse me for our sessions if, and only if, I provide invoices from you. Despite repeated conversations about this, and despite your assurances that you would send me this information, no invoices have been forthcoming. As a result, I am unable to claim back the $xxx I have spent since xx date. We first discussed this at the beginning of June. Over a month has now passed since you told me you would email me the information, and you still haven't sent it.

This is jeopardising my ability to continue in therapy with you. I cannot afford to keep paying for sessions without being reimbursed, and it is not reasonable to expect me to do so instead of using the insurance benefits available to me. It is also jeopardising our therapeutic alliance, as I do not understand why you have delayed sending me the information for so long. A key element of your role as my therapist is to model positive behaviour in terms of self-care and relationships. You have not offered any explanation as to the delay. I have made it as easy as possible for you to supply the information, but you still have not done so. I do not feel this is a reasonable way to treat any business contact, least of all a psychotherapy client.

As it stands, you have gone on summer vacation having still not given me the paperwork I need, leaving me unable to claim back the $xxx. I feel you are not showing me basic courtesy. If we are to continue working together, this has to change. It simply isn't reasonable to expect me to wait this long for the paperwork. I respectfully ask that you inform me of any obstacles to providing it so they can be addressed, and that you send it to me at your earliest convenience. I simply cannot keep spending money on sessions without being able to claim it back. Providing the required paperwork is surely preferable to losing a client. I am concerned that you are willing to leave me in this position, and I really think it's time the matter was resolved.

[delicatefade26]

Ok so how it works: I pay him each session out of pocket-full session price. In June I started my insurance coverage-and it includes therapy. T does not bill for insurance-it's all out of pocket. So in order for me to get reimbursed-I need a certain criteria from him in the form of the invoice (with DX info and service and his tax code) so I'm the one getting screwed out of money when he doesn't give me the info I need to file the claim.

[delicatefade26]

Thanks Tinyrabbit-and I agree it is a professional issue-I also put in my feelings because that is how my relationship with T is...It would not be genuine and something I would say if I were to email what you wrote-so I feel fine with what I wrote to him-like someone said before-we all have different responses. The email I sent is truthfully a step forward for me in expressing things-so T will recognize that-and while it is professional issue-I'm dealing with it the way I feel comfortable with. I told him the business parts and I added in my feelings-it fits with our relationship

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by delicatefade26

Thanks Tinyrabbit-and I agree it is a professional issue-I also put in my feelings because that is how my relationship with T is...It would not be genuine and something I would say if I were to email what you wrote-so I feel fine with what I wrote to him-like someone said before-we all have different responses. The email I sent is truthfully a step forward for me in expressing things-so T will recognize that-and while it is professional issue-I'm dealing with it the way I feel comfortable with. I told him the business parts and I added in my feelings-it fits with our relationship

Well that's fair enough. I just posted it in case it's useful - you can take or leave it as you need to

In the future, insist on an invoice/receipt in your hand at the time you pay him each and every session. That will end the problem most efficiently from that point on. You should be receiving an invoice each session so you can file immediately.

[Perna]

Presumably you send a form in to the insurance agency to get the reimbursement? I'd take that in to T next time you see him and make him work with you/fill it out first thing (take the stamped envelope too to the insurance :-) I wouldn't mess with emails, especially as he does not do email very often/well it appears.

[delicatefade26]

Yeah it's going to come down to doing it in person I suppose...I had asked for him to bring it-he said he could just email it because he did not have it that day. I feel blah now-I feel like I need to defend my at at the same time being frustrated with him.
It makes me wonder though-what could be a reason he doesn't like to fill out the forms-is it a money or tax thing on his part? That's not right or legal though right? I honestly believe it's that he doesn't make time for it-because he has other clients who he gives forms to...gah he is a pain sometimes-I hate summer vacations-when he is not on it-he emails me within no time-every time...

Being a T does not equate to being a good office manager. My T's have always had someone who handles the money and insurance end of their business which cuts out these kinds of problems. Some people just really need someone to handle their business affairs for them. Sounds like your T may be one of them.