[granite1]

so i had T today. she was 10 min late getting me. i walk in the room and the chair was way back against the wall again, things were moved around and everything felt wrong again . T apologized and said she was ran a bit over on a phone call. there was a bottle of cleaner next to my chair. she picked it up apologizing again saying that she was shampooing the carpet and then sat in her chair. i was kind of freaking big time .nothing was OK .i was going over the reasons she needed to shampoo the carpet and was on the phone and everything. i was convinced she hated me and that i didn't need to be there .i wanted to run out of her office. i felt she would rather be dealing with her carpet ,or be on the phone,etc.. and then i was hating myself for even thinking these things.how selfish it was for me to do so. i was freaking in my head. i just knew i was going to leave and then cause all kinds of drama about how i behaved in there and that she would never want to see me again. all this crap was going crazy in my head. i couldn't say anything again . but a few minutes before my session was up i asked if i was going to be able to come back next week. i just wanted to know .i guess i just needed to know that it was OK. she actually answered me. once she could figure out what i was asking because i was just about whispering. at first i thought she said no. but what she actually said was sure i was allowed to come back .then she asked why was i asking . i said i was worried because i was kind of acting like a jerk.

she said she would like for me to not try and judge myself so much. that we have been talking about the mother a lot in the past few weeks. she said she knows it is so hard for me to be open .and that i have been these last few weeks. she said that it makes sense that i am scared and that is why she thinks i feel the need to be quiet. that it is completely understandable that i am overwhelmed .

i am not sure if it was avoiding talking about the mother or reacting to all the things that were different.maybe it was both. i was not able to tell her much more then what i did. i did say that even when i am trying to ignore her the mother is always in my head . so my T said that i need to try and not think about her this week. that anytime i start thinking about the mother to stop and try to think of something else. do something else. i don't know how to do this . my T was so simplistic about it. it was the end of our session so that was it .just stop thinking about it.

i saw that i was heading to a horrible week of thinking my T was going to hate me for not being able to talk in T .i could see myself sending an e-mail saying i was not coming back .kind of hurting her before i get hurt. etc... and a bunch of drama. i asked her if i was able to come back.she said yes and seemed to understand what was going on .she made it OK and i don't need to be freaking out .i know it doesn't seem like a big deal to peeps but it was so huge for me. now i don't have to go all week worrying about it .i just asked.

now any ideas on how to not think about the mother all week??

[WikidPissah]

Wow...just ask. That's awesome Chickie. Good job. Now you know it's okay to ask too. It's a twofer.

When I get into an obsessive loop of thinking (OCD issues) I usually find 10 minutes and call a truce with my brain. I think totally about it, focusing on my WORST fear...the absolute WORST turn out for what I am thinking of. Then I think "can I live thru that?". If not, I decide what I will do if indeed that worst thing happens. From there on in when I start to ruminate I remind myself what I decided and think about something else.
Something I can change.

I know it sounds dumb, but it works for me. Usually the obsessive thinking is actually a fear, and when I figure out exactly what the fear is, I am better.

[roads]

WikidPissah is right, granite--you were awesome to ask!
Maybe you can start asking the mother, too ... or telling her.
Just a thought.
Roadie

Granite... you have a lot to be proud of!!!!

[stopdog]

I am glad it went well.

[mixedup_emotions]

That's awesome, granite! I'm so glad you took the risk!

About ideas on how to not think about the mother.....that's a tough one, because ultimately it's about making a decision and following through with it. Maybe you can come up with some alternate things to think about to contradict or counteract the thoughts - like, things that bring you pride and happiness.....or actions to take that will help you when the mother comes to mind and affects your feelings, to get out that pent up energy.

[rainbow8]

Yes, granite. You can be VERY proud of yourself! It took courage for you to ask T if you could come back! I can picture you sitting there with all this stuff whirling around in your head, and wondering if T hates you and thinking terrible thoughts about yourself. Then, instead of worrying, you asked her. So simple yet so difficult. I understand how hard it was for you to ask your T that question. I am happy for you! Now you can ask her the same thing any time you're worried and she'll give you the same answer!

You have come so far this year. Be proud.

[content30]

Good for you! As far as not thinking on the mother...well, I'm going to say what my T would say. She would reframe that and ask you what positive things you can add to your life this week rather than take away. It's always harder to focus on stopping a behavior/habit rather than focusing on adding something new. In other words, if you spend the whole day saying to yourself that you shouldn't think about watermelons, then you'll think about watermelons. However, if you focus on apples and bananas, then it will be easier not to think about watermelons. So, maybe you can take more walks, draw, write, make an extra effort to meet up with someone, read, etc. don't let your mind be idle...as that will lead to your mind wandering to thoughts you don't want. Actively engage your mind in what you want to do, say, think! Good luck!

[Luce]

Wow. Good work! You saved yourself a lot of emotional turmoil for the week by finding the courage to ask that question. The reality of what she was thinking was very different from what YOU thought she was thinking, wasn't it? I a so glad you were able to ask, and glad she was intuitive enough and knowledgable enough about you to understand a bit about what was going on for you internally.

That is huge, granite. Well done!!

[Perna]

I would think about the mother when I realized I was not thinking about her by saying in my head, "The mother's not here!" Or get sarcastic, "Is the mother here? NO!" Then you'd be realizing all the time you're not thinking of her :-)

[pbutton]

It's amazing how good it feels to ASK about those horrible things & find out that we were wrong. You stood up for yourself, asked the question and improved the way you were going to feel for the whole next week. That's AWESOME.

As far as not thinking about the mother.... when I start to get repetitive, I often force myself to say STOP out loud. Then I try to get up and find something else to do. I'll clean, go for a walk, read PC, etc etc.

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Perna

I would think about the mother when I realized I was not thinking about her by saying in my head, "The mother's not here!" Or get sarcastic, "Is the mother here? NO!" Then you'd be realizing all the time you're not thinking of her :-)

Along these lines - all the time i'm trying to be a hero not a zero, is she acting the same way? I had to focus on the time I wanted to throw out the box of sheep manure she kept in the garage, after I went to the hospital for the 2nd time with extreme distress shall we say, and she said no, that box of poop was more important than me. That's nice, ma. Somebody tell me again why I'm still standing?? How??