how many sessions?

Hi,

When you are meeting a new counselor, how many sessions do you think it takes to evaluate fairly whether or not you can work well with that person? Thanks for any insight you can share.

Take care,
ErinBear

hmmmmmm.. i think when i was meeting every week, i knew about week 5. Some people are better able to trust their gut, but im not there yet

Hi ErinBear,

My T appointments are weekly. I always make my gender preferences known before scheduling (I prefer males). Since the appointments are weekly, I usually give it about 4 appointments before making a decision to continue or terminate the T/client relationship. Of course, everyones plateau to the comfort level is different.

Good luck!

That varies from person to person. I usually see someone alone for a month (4 sessions) before I decide if that therapist and I are able to work together.

But I can say that in some situations like JEH, SKR and LL I didn't have a choice.

JEH was my towns crisis center counselor and so when I went to that crisis center she was who I saw no and ifs or buts.

I was assigned to SKR when a DHS caseworker wanted me to be in therapy. I had no choice in the matter. My only choice was male or female counselor and SKR was who I was assigned to.

when SKR and I decided to drop the therapy relationship I was assigned LL because she is the one with in the agency that works with DID. SKR and I had actually chosen someone else within the agency but the supervisor reassigning my file desided I was to have LL because of my having DID. So it was a done deal.

If I had a choice back when LL and I started seeing each other I would have dropped her quicker then anything those first few months.

Even though I didn't have a choice in choosing them they turned out to be the best matches for me.

JEH and SKR and I hit it off right away.

My therapy relationship with LL has been rocky at times but LL and I both worked at getting to know each other and how to work with each other instead of against each other and When we found out that my DHS case coding had closed the court order that I remain in therapy I took time to look at how much I had hated LL when I began with her just because she was not SKR and how her ways of working were different then how SKR and I had done things and whether or not I had continued to improve while seeing LL and I decided now that I have a choice I wanted to continue with LL. When I told LL my decision she too said that she wanted to remain on the case as my therapist. LL and I have been through alot together.

On my end of things I went from the opinion that she was "a stiff with potential" to absolutely hating her to the point where SKR advised LL to have me sign a paper saying I would not hurt her during therapy sessions (SKR knew I had a very angry memory piece that threw tables) to respecting and liking and caring about LL and her advice and opinions. This process took about a year and a half.

OnLL's side I remember about our 5th session overhearing here say to herself - "I think we will be able to work together" after I had left the room and had turned around to ask her something. Though I would not be surprised if she rethought this after getting swore at and called clueless and whatever else came her way went I was dissociated when ever I was near her the first 6 months of our time together.

Now we both make a terrific therapy team and the reason we do is that we both threw out what we wanted each other to be and kept an open mind about each other and just worked from taking time to get to know each other and what works for each other.

I personally believe with my experience of having 19 different therapy professionals in my 20 plus years of therapy that you don't have to like the therapy professional. yea it helps, but not necessary. what is nessessary for a great therapy experience is that both therapist and client have respect for each other and listen to each other and both be open minded to trying each others suggestions. if the client isnt willing to put in the work outside of therapy as well as in the therapy room then they are not going to get anywhere and if the therapist shuts down everything the client would like to try the client is not going to get anywhere. But if both remain open minded theres no limit to where the client can go progress wise regardless of if they like each other or not.

The bottom line is that therapy is what is put into it.

Thanks everyone for your input - I've been about 6 sessions now, and it doesn't seem like a good match. I've kept going because this was the last idea I had for a counselor, and I wanted it to work. I appreciate hearing everybody's ideas here. Thank you so much for sharing with me. Thank you everyone.

Take care,
ErinBear

I have only been three time so far...but this third time I finally knew I liked him and think I can be myself with him...

Erinbear I wondered how you were doing. I am seldom in here anymore but am glad I saw this. I personally think 10-20 sessions depends on how often you see said T. I feel so many are needed because the first year I saw my T I really didnt like him a lot nor did I feel he was doing any good..Looking back it was all just NEW to me and I didnt see our connection growing.

Wishing you well

I saw a T once, and the red flags were red enough to have me not come back for a second session.
Then I saw another T and her style was so mismatched with mine, even though she came highly recommended by a few of my friend's friends. But she mentioned more than once that God runs this world and we should let him take care of us........................................................................ and when I told her I don't appreciate her bringing Him into the room she thanked me for bringing it to her attention. Still, I believe psychotherapy is not a value-free enterprise and letsay she'd keep Him out of the room, she'd not be fully engaging in the type of counseling she enjoys/values, and I'd not benefit from all of this......
Y'see, if I see a red flag I run.
I often feel I know too well what it is I want and therefore I don't enter therapy with just anyone.

For me there wasn't a specific number of sessions. I knew that I found someone who could help me when I shared a problem that I had never discussed with anyone before. I found myself blurting it out on the second session. This T has been exactly what I needed.

I stayed with my first therapist for ten years waiting for something to click but it never did. He was qualified but I never opened up. It just wasn't a good fit. Now, I don't work with any professional that I cannot connect with in a short period of time because I don't have the good sense to leave a bad situation.

Trust your instincts. You know what you need.

I'm not sure I could start cold again. I knew my T from a class she taught before I became a client. I already knew that she could help me. She tried to find referrals for me who were closer, and I didn't want to do that. I didn't want someone I didn't know. It's only recently that it has even occurred to me that I have a choice though.

The previous T was also someone I already knew (a little bit - he worked at my husband's office), and the first session with him was intense and made me feel good. I felt like he understood me, and also felt really good because it was the first time I had ever managed to tell anyone about the memory I had recovered a few years before that of sexual abuse. All I told him was just that there was something, and that it wasn't a big deal, and he took it seriously, and it was like a very heavy weight was suddenly lifted off of me. I remember being happy for three days. Then I didn't get to see him again for almost a year. But I knew in one session that I wanted to work with him.

With all the ones before him, I never did feel like we had a good working relationship, but I didn't know that we were supposed to so I didn't know that anything was missing.

They taught in my classes that the average number of sessions most of the time is 1, so most people only go to therapy 1 time, I guess. That's hard for me to swallow. Maybe most of them are shopping around to find the right therapist, and they only give them one shot.

Rap

I've always have to separate anxiety from like/dislike before I can decide; I can usually tell right away whether I dislike someone and I don't think I could every do very well if I actually dislike their mannerisms or things they say; it would be too distracting, like trying to reading a boring or too unpleasant book. But that's different from whether it's just "difficult." Mostly I look for the "truth" of what they say, whether they're actually listening and trying to get to know me, whether they paraphrase what little I might say correctly, little things like that. So, I'd know in one or two sessions I think whether it was worth continuing on for more.

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say thanks again for all of your sharing and input - I appreciate it so much. I guess in this particular case I want to know I've given it a good try, even if it felt awkward at first. I had a really good relationship with my last counselor, who moved away in May. So I wanted to keep trying because it has been hard to find referrals. But I don't like the way this counselor approaches things. It already seems like there is a growing list of topics which aren't okay to discuss in the sessions, some of which really need to be discussed, and feelings which aren't okay to have there....and this isn't working out okay for me. I think he is a nice man in general, but in terms of being a counselor, I think he is not the right kind of counselor for me, anyway.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing your thoughts, experiences, and input here. I appreciate it.

Take care,
ErinBear

PS With my former counselor, I knew on the first session that it was a good match....but I don't know how often that happens!