Therapy without talking Transference and Relationship?

I hadn't thought of the dissociation part, I was hoping it just wasn't a big deal because it really doesn't seem like one. I don't mind telling my T whatever, though, although it is difficult at times. Thank you for this, it really helped!

Torn Mind, I had written my post below, and then started reading the other posts and saw yours! I agree, that this was a noteworthy post. I've always thought that we should have a thread for noteworthy posts, and if we did, this would be one of them. I like it when posts help me see things in a different way.

Thanks so much FKM! Good to see you back Torn!!!!!!!!!

I don't talk about transference with my T because I don't really have any. We have a very close (and deep) relationship and sometimes we have mentioned how close we are, but it isn't about transference. We don't talk at length about how close we are. We just acknowledge it. There has been a time or two I had negative transference with T (found it very difficult to share something with him because I was afraid he would react negatively, as family members had in the past), and we did talk about that. I got a lot of reassurances from him that he was not these other people, etc. And a few months ago, I had a session where we talked about how I was angry at him for some things he had done, and that did take the whole time. I think it was the first time (or maybe second) I was angry at him, but it was not transference. He refused to accept payment for that session. It was like he felt I shouldn't have to pay for having to discuss and straighten out a situation that was essentially his fault. I really respected him for doing that.

FWIW, my T does not do CBT at all. He is family systems and client-centered humanistic existential, etc. I just have so many issues to talk about in therapy that I don't want to spend a good part of sessions talking about him and me. I think he would be open to talking about our relationship more if I wanted to, but I pay 100% out of pocket for my sessions and I need to make progress on my issues, not talk all the time about how close we are! Through interacting with T, I do learn to have better relationships (I sure needed help with that), but we don't discuss this. We just do it! T models how to have a good relationship by how he interacts with me and stories he tells of himself and others. I learn from this and use those "skills" in therapy in interacting with him, but we don't officially work on "skills".

I think the interactions with my therapist have been very healing. I think wounds from my long, unhappy marriage got healed. It restored something in me to have a male be so nice and treat me so well. Maybe that is some transference. We don't need to discuss that, though. It just happens, and it's magic. We just know what is going on but don't need to analyze it. We can just appreciate the feelings without intellectualizing.

I do agree with this. If therapy was a big problem, I would not do it.

I do have a huge problem with therapy itself. The second therapist I see has helped me in that regard. The first therapist I see is worthless for that.

I wanted to quit therapy, because I couldn't control the transference. I hated it. We spoke about it through emails originally. The therapist said that transference was a significant part of therapy in order to heal. So, after kicking and screaming a little more I told her to bring it on... I was finally willing to get my head in the game.

Sunrise, this isn't at all the transference experience I'm talking about. The resolution of the transference, for me, provided the frame through which to heal the pain of FOO abuse that couldn't seem to be healed in any other way. The idea, like Wikid mentioned, of transference being like an extra burden to deal with (and pay for!) may be how it's most often talked about on PC (generally as a romantic/erotic thing), but that wasn't my experience at all.

I don't think transference is something to be inserted into therapy; if it's there, it's there for a reason connected to the crucial issues, and if it's not, there's no need to somehow produce it!

Thanks for this.

One of the best portrayals of transference I've read FKM.

Not dealing with transference or anything "deep" is unfortunately the trend now. Maybe it's necessary when demand exceeds supply or clinics need rapid turnover. That seems to be what's driving this Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. And there are therapists that don't really like people and don't want to study. Ignoring transference is the same as "ignoring the elephant in the room." Everyone has transference feelings, whether the therapist likes it or not. And if you could have solved your problems just by reasoning them out, you would have already, yes?