What does your therapist do....

Not able to cry (either in session or life) seemed to be a barrier in my therapy when I started with my current T. I couldn't even bear to see empathy in his eyes. I would apologize right away if I caused that. T once even said, “Just take it, please!”

He then asked me to write down the darkest memory in life. When I finally did, he asked me to readout in a session. I was very reluctant but took it as a therapeutic order. I was gasping and sweating when it’s done. He then asked me to repeat it. I was almost furious but still tolerated. Half way through, I burst into tears. He handed me a piece of tissue, staring at me silently. I asked for a hug, and he said with a soft voice, “I don’t think so! But it is ok to cry here!”

I’ve built respect and trust since that day.

I used to be so self concious about crying in therapy. With my old t, when I cried, I was facedown on her couch. She had brought her dog to session that day and she had him come lie down on the floor next to the couch, and then she sat down next to my head and just talked to me. It was very comforting and nice. It felt very safe and it felt good to let it all out.

My first meeting with my new t, i cried the entire session. I was a wreck (just came back from residential and all that). She just let me cry.

Wow, so many excellent and insightful answers, I don't feel I could provide a personal response to everyone, so I'll just say a big mass "Thank You"

I saw a lot of common things in your responses. The tissues - I 'lol'd' a little about the tissue thing, so many of you saying "T will just shove a box of tissues in front of me". Mine does that. I actually like it because is shows acknowledgement of the tears, even if we aren't saying anything at that moment.

T's sitting next to you and or holding your hand - Sometimes I think that would feel extremely comforting, but I know that a lot of therapists won't do that. I tend to wonder if it would be completely uncomfortable in my specific situation (for both of us? ) because I just recentely revealed that I had strong feelings for her.

Funny, I tend to notice small things ...not just in therapy, but in general life. I seem to be "tuned in" to a lot of things, especially interpersonal things. I have dropped something on more than one occasion, if (whatever it is) rolls near of under T's chair, she'll pick it up and drop it into my hand , rather than handing it to me in a way that our hands might touch. I thought maybe she had an anti-touching thing, so I'm careful to make sure my foot doesn't even brush hers (small room). Although, I have on occasion been tempted to grab her fingers and say "Haha! Got ya" when she was dropping something in to my hand... hahah...of course, I won't, but I can't say it's not tempting sometimes . I can respect her personal space and boundaries as she does with mine.

Ohhhh, the hand contact thing :-) I always had fantasies handing my check to her at the end of each session.

My therapist has reached for the Kleenex, and wiped my tears away a few times. I can say without a doubt my mom never did this for me.

Haha...I can't say I have fantasies about it...but it is something I have noticed. Glad it's not just me. What do you think that's all about though? I have also noticed it when I hand her my cell to show her a pic. She's still a phd student, so I figured it was something they teach them.

I ALMOST cried in session just this past week. My T told me that I am "terrified". She kept telling me that I looked sad....she was saying all the right things...lol and when I almost cried she said with a smile, uhhh huhhh....like she knew it was coming. But right before she said that I said "k...that's enough, I don't wanna go there". Not sure what she will do when the day comes that I actually let it out but one of the reasons that I hold back is because of feeling vulnerable and I don't know how she will react.

Mine sits next to me and hugs me. It is very comforting in dark moments...

My T picked me up off up the floor and rocked me on her knees. It was bizarre but I soon stopped crying and howling.

Oh wow. I don't think I'd care for that lol Not that there is anything wrong with it, or that it was wrong for you, personally though...and maybe it's just with this T, but I think would be totally freaked out by that.

I've just recently become semi-comfortable with vulnerability. It's really only around her, and I think it's because once you admit those kind of feelings for someone, to their face (And then basically try and pick a fight, and say awful things at the very next session...) there isn't much left to make you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Kinda sounds like your T is almost provoking you to cry, because they say it's "healthy", and I've heard it is. But I can tell you right now, there is no way it would happen for me (even if I wanted it to) if I felt it was being provoked. My T is very good with that though, she's never even mentioned my crying directly, she'll acknowledge the pain behind it, but not the act itself.

Wow, that would make me stop crying because it would probably make me so uncomfortable I'd push her away and tell her not to touch me in probably a fairly rude manner with some profanity. That would really throw me off guard and weird me out.

She may be...she never uses the word "cry" or outwardly tells me I should cry..in fact, it is me who talks about my fear of doing so in session. I told my T that it will take me a while before I can do that..I know nothing about her other than what we do in session so it will take a while for me to feel safe enough to be that vulnerable.

Is he male? I feel the reason mind does not come near me is because male therapist might be afraid of clients/patients becoming disgruntled and crying sexual assault.

XT would attempt to hand me a tissue...which would piss me off. I'd say "just stay over there...I've got it covered" and pull out my own. lol. I am a weirdo. Trauma t didn't say anything or budge, which made it a lot easier. I have never sobbed or blown my nose or anything though...just dripping eyes.

I seem to be crying a lot more in therapy than I ever used to, and my latest T who might well be the first decent T I've had in my therapy career, comes across as very caring and sympathetic - I think it makes a huge difference to me to have that experience of actually being empathized and sympathized with in my tears. It's like permission, like he's saying 'it's ok to feel sad and cry, I can not only take it but I feel for you as well' and that means so much to me.

Other Ts have either sat there and tried to ooze empathy without actually showing any (they've tended to TELL me they've been oozing empathy despite the fact that all I've experienced is a blank disconnection on their part), or tried to block my tears and get me to talk about why I'm crying, which immediately turns the tears off and leaves me feeling high and dry stranded and strung out. Other Ts again have simply acted like I'm not crying at all, which very nicely recreates my lifelong experience of having my feelings count for nothing, be invisible and trivial and not serious .

I don't really cry often or hardly ever, and I've never cried in front of my current therapist. However, once I was very visibly upset and emotional. My T was quiet for a moment and then softened her voice and said very kind, calming, and reassuring things to me. I'm certain that she would give me a tissue if I was crying. My T has even gotten emotional for me when I have told her sad things.

My T holds my hand if I ask. Today I asked him to hold my hand and then I started crying and he squeezed my hand and said: "I've got you."

Which was better than a kleenex.

[quote=tinyrabbit;3195650]My T holds my hand if I ask. Today I asked him to hold my hand and then I started crying and he squeezed my hand and said: "I've got you."

Which was better than a kleenex.[/quote

Oh Wow..............so jealous.

Just to help neutralise the jealousy: we spent the first half of the session talking about him really annoying me and screwing up in the previous session...

she doesn't do anything, just keeps talking to me the same way. It doesn't bother me that she does that.

His eyes get soft and he offers to hold my hand. Sometimes I let him, sometimes I want to be left alone.

He does ask why I'm crying, which I don't like so much. But I need to put words to my feelings.

I have never cried in front of my T, and i have been seeing her for 4 years now.
Actually, part of me would really like to cry in front of her, but i just cant cry in front of ANYONE.

My tears were largely ignored as a child, so i dont like to show any sad emotions really.

My T just encourages me to talk about what is going on when I am crying. If I am really sobbing she will still talk a little bit and say my name every once in a while to make sure I am still grounded.

Third time with this guy.. and I definitely cried. More than once. But for me, crying is pretty quiet and just involves a quakey voice and a few tears running down my face. We just kept talking, and he'd sort of expand on things for me so that I could just nod or say yeah or something.