Being affected by what T wears

Spin off from the 'Appearance When Going to T' thread, where someone asked about how clients are affected by what T wears, so I thought it might be an idea to separate out the topics.

Got me thinking, because what my T wears affects me in many different ways, depending on his clothes. He has a sort of ‘uniform’ in that his clothes are always casual especially his shoes, which are the same sort of stitched leather loafer affair every session. But the rest of his clothes change from session to session, sometimes jeans, sometimes linen trousers (crumpled and casual), hm can’t remember what sort of shirt. That's revealing something about me, I'm sure. Occasionally some sort of denim or stiff fabric sleeveless jacket.

But it’s his jumpers that have the biggest effect on me. For some reason I have a thing about men wearing jumpers (jerseys if you’re antipodean ), especially when they are warm looking and sort of fluffy, woolly or soft looking – gives me a safe sort of comfortable feeling. And you’d think, aha that’s because father wore them, but no, no-one in my past family wore soft comfortable jumpers (and father wasn’t safe or comfortable either!) Don’t know why, just that from my first long term boyfriend who sometimes wore them, I get this sense of potential security when a man wears this particular type.

T actually wore one yesterday and gave me a bad moment when I had this sudden urge to throw myself into the middle of his jumper-clad chest and just, well, be comforted .

Anyone else be affected by what their T wears?

I do pay attention to what my therapist wears. From tie, to shirt, to slacks, to shoes, to socks. I'm a very observant type of person.

Yesterday, he wore a pink tie. Pink is my favorite color and I've shared this many a time.

Of course, since I've just weaned off transference from him, I wondered if he purposely wore that tie knowing it was my therapy day?

But, I shook loose that thought and realized he must have randomly picked a tie to wear.

I think too much too!

I have no idea what my T wore yesterday, so I guess the answer is no. He's very casual so it was probably jeans and something...

Well what my t wears has bothered me a lot. She will wear very short skirts with no tights and when she crosses her legs I can see her underwear.
It is really off putting for me because when she crosses her legs she looks at me to see if I looked. I don't usually but some times I see a flash of her knickers and I can't concentrate afterwards.
As a lesbian I sometimes wonder why t( a straight female) does this. You have to know you are showing your underwear right?

T#1 wears khaki type pants and a button down shirt. He only seems to have a few colors so I guess what color shirt will it be? I like the lighter blue shirt. One day his pants were wrinkled, his hair needed to be cut or brushed and he looked pasty. This bothered me through the entire session and wanted to ask him if was ok and if I should come back another day because he sucked as a therapist that day. I love him but can't afford to see him every week.

T#2 wears dress pants, shirt and ties and dress shoes. I like that he looks professional. It shows pride and shows he thinks about what his clients might think about him. I also have no loving feelings for this man in any way. My feelings keep morphing from grateful in the beginning and to always being suspicious of him because he turned very cold towards me.

My T does dress super great or bad...just mediocre. She doesn't have a huge wardrobe. I can tell if she has something new. What she wears doesn't affect me. My T has never word a dress to session. Her uniform is dress pants, top, and usually a cardigan or dressy, light jacket. In the fall and winter, she likes to wear a scarf too.

Mine (so far) always wears a gorgeous comfy dress. I've never seen her not in a dress, and I think i'd probably be a little more concerned about her emotional well being the first time I don't lol. She's very sweet, and dresses just fit her personality. I loooove the green polka dot one she had on a while back.

She wears professional type clothes and I like that. I think it inspires trust and confidence to look professional. I usually notice what she wears as a way to remember her outside the session. I've been to some therapists who wore inappropriate clothes and it was totally distracting. One wore an elastic-topped sundress that she kept pulling at. Or another one with a skirt that slit up too far and I could see the top of her pantyhose. Ick!

I don't notice what the therapist wears. Or anyone really. I probably could not say what I wore yesterday. I assume the woman wears some sort of professional-ish clothing.

Good thread!

My previous T's wore non-specific bland business casual clothes. This T usually ears the same. However one session she wore a lower cut blouse, which I found odd (I am a straight female), because I know she is a T to many young men.
Maybe it is my trying to form an opinion of her, but when I was explaining something about being criticised for my choice of clothes by my family, I advised her "they would certainly have something to say about your outfit". Meaning, some people in my family are so materialistic that if you are not wearing $200-300 flats, you need to step it up. Which I do not buy into...I wear my Clarks clogs and I am happy.

My T has a 'work wardrobe' - usually smart trousers and a smart/casual top. Sometimes she wears things that I feel are more 'her' - like for instance a couple weeks this summer, when it was particularly hot, she wore long strappy dresses. And there was one week (after a massive rupture we had) that I felt she made an effort to be really authentic and wore an ensemble with patterned tights that I felt showed a sense of her own style and individuality. I liked that. But I've always found her attire to be appropriate, and she always looks nice...

However. It does bother me a little if we walk outside and she wears sunglasses, as I cannot see her eyes... but I can live with it. What bothers me more is when she wears regular spectacles (she usually wears contacts)... I'm not sure why, I think maybe just because it makes her look different or reminds me of an old teacher, or something... Like, it causes me to perceive her as looking more 'stern'? Not a BIG issue, but I think it does throw me.

Oh, and then a couple of times now she's complained she's cold and she's gone and got a gilet to put on. I don't like gilets. My mum wears those things...

Lets just say she earns a lot of money in private practice (she works for the NHS on the side where I see her) and you can tell by what she wears! Always very jealous of her wardrobe.

T wore a really pretty summer outfit one time and when she turned and lifted her arm to grab something from her desk, I saw that her underarms were soaked!

For some reason, the image just sticks in my mind. I was so surprised. Of course she is human but it surprised me!

My T always dressed rather conservative business casual, especially in his private practice. I saw him at night or Sat mornings there, and he'd usually wear khakis, button down shirt, loafers, sometimes a sweater. At the Univ he would usually be in a tie and jacket, so a bit more formal. And when he was wearing a suit, I always knew he had administrative meetings! I did find he tended to be a bit more directive and higher energy on the suit days.

Yeah I had one of my first crying jags when my t was wearing a luscious wool sweater as we call them in the States. I get the same feeling, I just want to wrap up in it. Nobody in my family wore them either, except me. Otherwise, t wears jeans, colorful tshirts, cute socks, and gorgeous shoes.

Monalisasmile – ack I think that would totally freak me out, having a T who knowingly checks to see if you looked . I think you’re right, you do have to know you’re showing your underwear, do you think there’s some sort of undercurrent going on there? Sounds pretty uncomfortable. Have you ever thought to bring it up (you’d be a bloody brave soul if you did, I wouldn’t be able to, but it would bother me all the same ). I’m not sure I’d be very comfortable with a T in very short skirts either – although I suppose you could argue that it’s her style and she’s being authentic, something to be said for that.

LL

Purplejell you’ve just given me a great idea as to how to remember my Ts (well I only have one now and hopefully he’s the last) – I have this problem with out of sight out of mind and could never remember what my Ts looked like the moment I walked out of session. I like your idea of remembering the clothes as a way of remembering what he looks like – it’s a start anyway!

LL

Stopdog you crack me up .

I have to say though I’m a bit like that – I seem not to notice what people are wearing, or what they look like - which is why my being aware of what my T wears is pretty significant to me.

LL

JSG – yeah sunglasses would bother me too. Not that I look in T’s eyes that often, but it would make me feel pretty uncomfortable to have him being able to see me and my eyes but not give anything away because he’s hiding behind his shades. Mind you, not much chance of Ts in UK wearing shades too often is there lol. As for wearing ordinary glasses, funny you mentioned that it made me remember that my T sometimes wears them sometimes doesn’t and actually I don’t notice any real difference. A previous T (the one I’ve written about in reply to FKM) used to wear small glasses which always reflected the light coming in from the window so I could never see his eyes, but I swear half the time he wasn’t even looking at me anyway. I told him it bothered me and that I couldn’t see because of the light reflecting on his specs, but he never did anything about it. In retrospect he was a weird sort of T, not quite all there…

I wonder if it is the association of glasses with stern authority figures – teachers especially – because I have this memory sense that most teachers when I was a kid wore glasses (they can’t have done, but that’s my memory.) As for your T and her gilet (do you mean cardi lol? I love wearing them, if they have pockets) but I get how an association like that could make you dislike her wearing them.

LL

FKM – now that’s an interesting point! That what T wears reflects changes in them. Now that I think about it, a former T I saw used to come in every second session (I saw him twice weekly) very smartly dressed in formal trousers and a pitch black velvet jacket – which meant he was dressed and ready to head off to London where he worked during the week – and though I didn’t notice it at the time, I got the impression he wasn’t as focused on the therapy that day compared to the other day (but then, he was a dork and wasn’t terribly focused in therapy anyway )

LL

Hanks - of course, sweater ! Jerseys jumpers and sweaters, oh and not forgetting pullovers lol.

That's exactly what I was feeling, that I was already in uncontrollable tears and it was this jumper, the softness I dunno something, that gave me the sense of comfort and safety and that it would be and was, ok to cry. Work in progress that one - perhaps I ought to tell him to wear those sorts of jumpers more often? Nah once T knows, it spoils it all. Besides, it was this urge to get physically close to him and it, seeking physical comfort that freaked me out (I NEVER seek out physical comfort, literally never, so where did that urge come from??????).

If you have no past associations to that sort of sweater, same as me, maybe it's just the tactility of it, or something?

LL

My T wears a blend of non distracting colors with no prints that might disturb or distract me. She wears long dresses or pants and always muted colors.

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It's only distracting if we both show up and he is unusually dressed up and I am wearing sweats.

My T sometimes wears socks of the same brand as my H. I find that funny though I guess it doesn't affect me as such. Other than that, he dresses extremely normally, I think (but what do I know.) Jeans or chinos, and a shirt or a jersey (seeing as how he is British ). I remember noticing that he had some rather nice jerseys, last winter.

My T wears the same gray pants and shoes every session. It always looks good though because she matches her shirt color well. It's just amusing to me that she literally wears the same pants. Does she have multiple pairs of those pants? I don't know. I really don't care either.