[CantExplain]

Have you ever told your therapist that she is doing therapy wrong?

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Have you ever told your therapist that she is doing therapy wrong?

No. I wouldn't be so rude as to tell my therapist how to do his job.

If a particular way we were approaching a given talk was not helpful to me, I would share that, but that would be a far cry from telling my T they are doing it wrong.

[stopdog]

I have told a therapist they were doing therapy wrong for me, and then I left and found another who was not as wrong for me. I don't think therapy is specific enough to say that any of them are wrong in a vacuum. Even crystal growing and chakra cleansing seem to help some people. Who am I to say they are not helped by it just because it does not help me? I think the problem is that therapy is not science and a therapist develops something they think they can do and for some people it will often not be awful. For some it will be. I would have no problem telling a therapist they were doing their job wrong if all (or even most) could agree on how to do their job, which they do not. I certainly believe in telling the therapist they are doing their job wrong for me, but I don't think most are skilled enough or willing enough to change and so the quicker, better solution for me, is to find one I think does a better job.

[content30]

No way...not even the T I didn't like. I did tell my first T that she was focusing on the wrong issue. She was focusing something that was part of the "effect" rather than the "cause."

No, but I think she thinks that's what I was saying.
She did not react well.

No.
1. Becasue I can't work how the darn thing works anyway.
2. It's their job
3. I'm just too non-confrontational even if i thought this.

[pbutton]

No. I am not sure how I would know if he was doing therapy wrong.

Yes...out of anger. It didn't go well. She almost referred me out. However, we talked about it, the emotions behind what drove me to get to the point to say such a harsh thing and then I apologized. I openly admitted I was wrong to say that and that it was out of anger. My T has been practicing for 25 years with a high success rate. Had I said that she was doing it wrong for me-that would have been different but I basically said she was doing her job wrong.

[IndieVisible]

More then once because honestly there are some real idiots in that field. How they got there is beyond me. They need honest feed back if they care to improve. I've also met some therapists who blew me away and also let them know it too.

[likelife]

Yes, but only after she had terminated me.

[unaluna]

Yes. And his answer back was, "I've been doing this for thirty years, I think I'm pretty good at my job." And I was like, "Well how do you know? Maybe nobody ever told you. Cuz I dont like it when you a b c and I wish you would d e f and I can tell when you g h j. And don't get defensive on me."

But the past couple of years, it's really been more about me than about him. Now that I don't have crazy people perverting my mind and mistreating me and fooling me (I know that sounds paranoid) I don't have to try and guess what's good and true anymore, I just have to try and feel it, and dig myself out of the hole I'm in. But I'm finally fairly safe.

[Nammu]

Not any therapist, no, but I have told plenty of Pdoc's that they were wrong. I know how the meds were affecting me, it's my body I know how it is affecting me. Just cause big Pharm didn't list the side effect doesn't make me wrong, it's not in my head. I feel vindicated now that the truth about side affects has been much more public. Newer Pdoc's seem to be more understanding than those I first had.

I do discuss it with a T if I don't like something or if something about a visit is bothering me. I usually put it in I statement form....It bothers me when you do this I feel____

I haven't said it because I haven't needed to. But I would have no qualms saying so if I thought It needed to be said.

[growlycat]

I've told T's, even the good ones, when their line of approach isn't helpful.

Not sure if that is the same as telling them they are doing their job wrong.

[postblue]

Not directly, but I have sat there looking clearly unimpressed and generally confused. After half a dozen sessions with my first T, she sat there and told me she didn't think she could be of any help to me.. With my second one I actually opened up about some serious issues, which she then almost brushed off and ignored. Hellooo, I just told you something that in my mind is very relevant and it took me a lot of guts to say it. Hopefully third's the charm, I see my new one in a months time.

[1stepatatime]

No...I have not. I have told her that certain techniques are not helpful for me and she usually listens.

[BlessedRhiannon]

No, because I can't make that general of a statement, and I've been working really hard on moving away from black and white thinking...telling a T they are doing their job wrong would feel like very binary thinking to me. I have told my T when a particular approach wasn't helpful for me or when she has said or done something that was upsetting. But, that only applies to me. Using the same approach on a different client might be great for that client.

Besides....I'm not sure there really is a wrong way to do therapy, as long as the therapist is maintaining ethics and confidentiality. It's such an individualized thing that there are a million ways to do therapy. If one approach doesn't work for you, there are tons of other options.

[sunrise]

No, I haven't said that. But I have told my T a couple of times when a certain approach or technique wasn't working for me. I have also told him when I do find something helpful. This knowledge allows him to better be able to provide healing and effective therapy to me. Feedback is important!

Originally Posted by growlycat

I've told T's, even the good ones, when their line of approach isn't helpful.

Not sure if that is the same as telling them they are doing their job wrong.

I have done the same, was doing it with my newer T today...he said it was really good I could tell him those things so he knew what worked for me and what didn't.

He asked me how long it took to realize I did not like how x and y went and I said some time the same day post session. He said it will be really cool when I realize it right then and there when he "screws up" as he put it (I never used that phrase), and we can talk about it as it happens.

[anilam]

Yep I did- even with the one I decided is the one for me I didn't say you doing therapy wrong though- just that this is not working for me and asked for reasons why and if I didn't like them ask T to stop it- and he did.
Frankly, I don' care if this approach could be working for someone else- could be argued with simply anything, I think. I pay him, I want results and I know what's working for me and what's not- just like with any professional I'm paying I feel entitled to my opinion. I fail to see how Ts are any different.

[debbie_tabor]

I needed to change T because I was leaving each session feeling empty. The T, who looked very young, asked why I was leaving and part of my answer was that she seemed inexperienced. It turned out she'd been practising for 30 years (or something) and looked very good for her age. I didn't feel good about being honest!

[Littlemeinside]

Yes and no. I´ve told a T that the therapy did more harm than good. Then terminated.

[kirby777]

Well, I had to tell T that the whole "vision board" thing was too advanced for where I was now emotionally...and to proove my point I dressed in my day to day, around the house norm.

A long time ago, I was in an HMO and they gave me a male T amd after 2 sessions, i knew it would not work. I called and was told I had to CALL HIM & tell him I wanted someone different..I was very nervous, but did it. He was fine with it.

I also confronted a pdoc, whom was inferring that I had an ED. I said to her "Then you must have one as well because you could fit into my clothing. WHat size is your suit? Do you have an ED? I am thin because I am depressed". She started to argue with me that it was not about her, it was about me. I would not go back to her.

I told him he is an idiot once. Once I told him he was crazy. Several times I have told him to **** himself. I don't think I have ever told him he is doing therapy wrong though. Interestingly, the only one of the incidents above that he seemed a bit offended at was the 'idiot' one, and I was using it as a term of endearment. Apparently that is not "normal" in most families.

[elliemay]

I did enjoy a healthy conversation with my previous therapist on several occasions regarding the course of my therapy.

It seems ridiculous now, but he understood that it was part of my process. He was a real trooper.

It was clear that I was committed to the work, and to him, and was trying very very hard to meet up with him.

It's not easy.