Couch 61: How Long Will it Last?

Healed...hope you are sound asleep and find tomorrow is a new day...

I am having a hard time sleeping...i was at the laundromat and there were 3 other people there so it wasnt deserted or anything...

So i was hanging up work clothes as I was taking them out of dryer and placing then on these hooks that hang out between dryers ...while I was leaning into a dryer and started to stand up..a sleeve to a shirt touched the back of my neck and shoulders...i had a total ptsd reaction... I winced....sort of made a noise..my pulse was running rampid...i broke out in a sweat....over a shirt sleeve touching me...

Now I cant sleep....odd thing is since i dont remember so much...i dont even know of any incidents for me to have these "getting wigged out episodes" as my H refers to them as...
I JUST WANT TO CRY...but I cant seem to do that either

Yeah but that would have freaked me out and made me jump a mile, if I thought someone was touching me like that, out of nowhere? Late at night? At the laundromat? I definitely would have screamed. It probably flooded you with adrenaline, no wonder you cant sleep.

It would have freaked me out in my own laundry room.

Ready.... I totally understand how you must be feeling right now. I hope it passes for you soon.

I am feeling in a similar place. I had a major ptsd reaction to something that someone said to me yesterday evening. I slept so badly and have felt like crying all day.....driving around between taking a client to a residential alcohol rehab for an assessment and another client to an appointment about her baby before it is taken off her (this all upsets me anyway).... I have had to hold it all together. I wish i could cry to get all the emotional pressure out.....but I just cant. I start, and then clam up because it is too hard.

Phew.....sorry to lay that on you all. This is quite a journey........

So I got home and started to pull out weeds to get my vege garden in order for planting. Felt good whilst doing that, gave my mind a rest, short lived...but at least i tried.

RTS-that would have freaked me out to. Something similar happened to me awhile back and I passed out from the reaction.

Healed-hope you feel better soon.

Good morning everyone. It's Monday. Yuk. Work at 11:30. I actually like it better when I need to be there by 7am. Weird, eh?

morning everyone

Morning all, I am going into the office today

has it been a bit sense you have had to go into the office?

Have a good Lola. Go meet people so you can have some company during down time. Hugs.

Morning couch peeps....

Recovering from the weekend. I have a simple day planned so far with only one assignment that's only 1-1/2 hours long....but I just got a call from my manager because she needs someone for a long assignment. She is going to try to find someone to take my 1-1/2 hr. assignment. So, my work day might be much, much longer. Not sure of the details yet though. Oh well. I need the $$, so I'm not complaining. I was just kinda looking forward to a good recovery day of rest, shopping for essentials, cleaning and yard sale prepping. Maybe it'll work out.

Hope everyone has a good day!

I havent been to my office in 2 weeks, Ill be there today, and then not again for awhile. I am starting my "world tour' Thursday, haha. Thanks Jersey, I know I need to meet more people, but Im too busy until November. I'm not lonley, I am exhausted and I feel like I am coming down with a cold or something add female stuff to the mix and I just wanna sleep for a few days, solid....

What are yawls plans today?

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, my T called me .I don't know what to do she has never done this .I was so upset the other day I called her and said some bad things on her answering machine .she called me and asked if I wanted to come in and see her today at 4. I couldn't believe it . so I said really and she was completely silent .finely she said well im going to be in the hospital tomorrow . I don't know what to say, how to feel about what I did, i said yes because I didn't know what else to say. i'm scared now what if I cant talk. she never asks me if I want another session. please I need help here .I don't know how to handle this at all

Just go and talk to her. And breathe ( this is not flippant - I am being serious. Take long slow deep breaths.)

I am having such a hard time trusting it .I know she is angry about the call but she said she was fine . what if I cant talk she will want to kill me I cant believe so instantly regret what I did . and I do want to breathe .I just took a very hot shower hoping it would calm me down but all it did was give me more time for my stupid head to spin

going out because if I sit here I will call her and say no thanks

Hey Granite...if you check back in before your session...

I reacted similarly once.... I got upset about my T canceling and I was convinced xT had cancelled with me to see another patient... I actually drove there that night to make sure his car wasn't there... it said way more about me and my insecuriities than it did about my feelings about T. My xT said something that made sense to me and maybe it makes sense for you.... My xT said that people who have experienced trauma as young children learned very quickly to read situations... to be on the look out for inconsistant behavior... to always monitor the situation...and he said that for those clients sometimes..the blank slate thing isn't helpful because those clients can tell when something is up with their T... but they rarely read the situation correctly.

You knew something was up with your T... you knew her scheduling behavior/routine had changed... and instead of thinking of all the logical things that could be going on in T's life... you think of it as T trying to send you a message... that is all behavior we learned as children because that is how we had to deal with our parents... we had to interpret their behavior...

Actually I think what you did was improvement/healthier... in the past you would keep quiet... this time you sort of checked with her... okay maybe it was done a little defensively but in the past you would have just kept your feelings to yourself...

If you T didn't care she wouldn't have offered the session. It might be ackward but it will be helpful... just go...grab your blanket... and talk about how you feel... (even though I totally get how hard it feels and how scary it feels...)

I'll be thinking of you.... I'll jump in your pocket for support...

Granite, I hope you go to the session and it's productive. Have you ever thought about putting the blanket completely over your head and then talking? I read about someone doing that once, and she found it helpful.

(((Granite)))

Sorry I keep disappearing. It ain't that I don't love you all...just crazy busy life.
(((MKAC))) things sound rough with your mother, I am so sorry you have to go thru this BS with her again.

Stopdog...that crazy t article was really interesting. Any chance you can start a thread about it? I really would love to discuss.

I had an incredible weekend, I worked at the annual wildlife festival and had a blast. We released a hawk, a seal, an osprey and several NE cottontails. I got recruited for turtle rescue thru the winter months. I will be on call for stranded sea turtles. Yay. I am going to love that. I start classes to get my rehabber's license this week. I can't believe that I am actually walking away from accounting, but I am. I am seeing clients less and less and spending more and more time at the clinic. It's so damn rewarding.

On a negative note...I didn't like the t so I quit. I only saw him 3x...so not a big deal. I honestly just don't want to do therapy. I just don't. I know it's incredible for all of you, but for me it just messes my head up. Really.

Granite- do you see the inconsistency in this sentence? You KNOW she's angry, but she SAID she's fine. You are trusting what you "know", which can steer you very wrong in how you read T's behavior, versus what actually came out of her mouth, which is she's fine. She has absolutley nothing to gain if she lies to you. She probably called bc she sees how much you were spinning out bc of her cancellations. Can you see this must hav to do with something personal, if she's going to the hospital tomm? I hope you go and can try and talk/listen without that terrible tape that says "i am horrible. I said horrible thngs. She hates me." She wouldnt call and offer a session if she hated you!

I hope you go Granite

I thought it was interesting to read. Feel free to thread away on it to shape the discussion.

I think it is great you are working toward something that is making you so happy. rehab itsnt a bad thing at all to get into.

some people just don't do T.as long as you got someone keeping track of your meds

as long as I try to keep the thought that she is having me come in to read me the riot act about leaving her a voice mail. I will tell her I am sorry. I will be able to go. maybe hide under my blanket