I've had between 50-60 sessions the last few years with the same T. In that time, my life hasn't improved outside of therapy.

Where do you draw the line and say enough is enough?

Just being attached to a T isn't a good enough reason to go back is it? If your actual life outside of therapy is the same. Is there any point?

[pbutton]

What kind of changes would you like to see outside of therapy? What steps have you taken to improve those things?

Well, an example would be to stay motivated to do things.

To become more social. I don't have social anxiety but I find it tough being in social situations because I find it boring.

I don't know , maybe I'm expecting too much, but I thought a T would be able to give me ideas of how to do things like this. And if I didn't follow her advice then fair enough. It just feels like a go to therapy to have a 50 minute discussion.

She keeps going on about this transference is the work. But nothing outside is improving. What's the point?

[yellowfrog268]

I would say that if there's been no improvement in the issues for which you started counseling, then it's time to question two things:

1. Is this the therapist for you? Is his/her style a good fit? Is their personality a good fit? How is your relationship with this person?
2. What efforts or use have you made of what you work on in therapy ie. suggestions by therapist?

The therapist don't suggest anything. She doesn't set me any goals or challenges. It's just sit there and talk crap for 50 minutes. I don't even see her as a T, just some person I talk to and give money.

As a persons she is fine. I don't dislike her, but that's not a good enough excuse to keep paying money.

[unaluna]

Motivation isn't about ideas, it's more about beliefs. You could probably look in your newspaper or online for ideas of things to do. You're not dumb. But your beliefs are that they wouldn't be worth the effort - that's like what my beliefs are, that I "inherited" from my wonderful family. Like nobody will be interested in me. Nobody there will be worth knowing anyway. So why bother. Such beliefs kept me home and safe, where they could keep an eye on me. I don't know exactly what your folks did. But t and transference enters in by getting us to have a safe and satisfying relationship outside the home, first with t, and then to fly out of that nest.

[yellowfrog268]

Maybe the next time you see her you could raise this question.
Any therapist worth their salt will understand the need to periodically review with the client what progress has been made and what future sessions might involve.

In the big scheme of things, 50-60 sessions is a drop in the ocean.

Originally Posted by _Mouse

In the big scheme of things, 50-60 sessions is a drop in the ocean.

To have no improvement at all?

Well for the first yr I was still just 'reporting'. Infact I felt worse.

[Jdog123]

I don't know much about your situation, but I can say that my therapist is constantly (I'd like to say too much, but I know that she's doing it for my own good) bringing up social and athletic activities that I can do to better my social life. She's suggested meetup groups (in the US), that I get back into a sport that I once played competitively, that I try online dating, mental illness support groups, etc. Sometimes she's even brought newspaper clippings of weekend activities in or researched groups online for me. We work on a lot of other stuff, too (transference included), but she never forgets to encourage me to get out there... It could be an approach thing, but I just wanted to say that such Ts who will help with both types of issues are out there.

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

Maybe the next time you see her you could raise this question.
Any therapist worth their salt will understand the need to periodically review with the client what progress has been made and what future sessions might involve.

No review has ever been done. Likely because there's been no progress. I'll bring it up next session.

I did ask this T once what type of therapy are we doing? Her reply was " why does it matter? ".

I think that's a dodgy reply.

We never had reviews as such. I would tell her it was crap and not working and she contained those feelings.
BUT a T saying 'why does that Matter' sounds off
Try another therapy.

Originally Posted by Jdog123

I don't know much about your situation, but I can say that my therapist is constantly (I'd like to say too much, but I know that she's doing it for my own good) bringing up social and athletic activities that I can do to better my social life. She's suggested meetup groups (in the US), that I get back into a sport that I once played competitively, that I try online dating, mental illness support groups, etc. Sometimes she's even brought newspaper clippings of weekend activities in or researched groups online for me. We work on a lot of other stuff, too (transference included), but she never forgets to encourage me to get out there... It could be an approach thing, but I just wanted to say that such Ts who will help with both types of issues are out there.

I wish I had a T like yours.

[pbutton]

I'd take this thread in to your T. Sometimes a good "state of the union" conversation is exactly what you need to get what you want from therapy.

I really pissed off at the moment. I'm giving her an ultimatum. If I'm not happy with answers I'm gone. I want to know what the therapy is we're doing ( because she does several), that we both have the same goal, what the future session might hold, she's motivated to help with this transference and offers some encouragement and suggestions for my life.

Actually I'm tempted to email these questions. That gives her a week to think about it.

[pbutton]

I say go for it. Be sure to tell her what you'd like to happen in your sessions. The more info you give her, the more she'll know what to do when you're there.

Sounds psychoanalytic? Maybe you would benefit from a different approach?

Originally Posted by seradjernie

Sounds psychoanalytic? Maybe you would benefit from a different approach?

She's not psychoanalytic. She told me she isn't. Also she does reveal small bits of info about herself. Also I know she does offer suggestions to other clients. I can't really go into detail into how I know this, but I do and that I know for a fact. It's annoying she doesn't do this for me. I get the impression she can't be bothered.

[pbutton]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

I get the impression she can't be bothered.

I think this is very important for her to know.

[growlithing]

For the record, I have had probably around 200 sessions and I don't always feel like I have made any improvement. Improvement is slow and hard to measure. I don't feel better, I'm actually cutting more, and I still have sui thoughts occasionally, but I am opening up more. That is a huge step forward for me even if everything else still needs a lot of work. Maybe you are improving but not in the way you hoped.

[mixedup_emotions]

I've been in therapy for 4-1/2 years - 1x/week in group T and 1-2x/week individual T. People around me have noticed drastic changes in me over the years - some people I come across after not seeing them for a while are sometimes even shocked about the transformation. Yet, I don't feel much different at all. I don't see the change, it happened so gradually.

One thing that helped me to really take stock of the changes I did make was to pick a time period before therapy and see what aspects of my life are different.

And then when I find myself dissatisfied because there's no real progress made in an important area, I have to look to myself to see what I need to do differently in order to make change happen. That may involve being more direct with T, in telling T what I need in order to get to where I want to be.

[RTerroni]

I am starting to wonder if Family Therapy is working for me and the rest of my family because we have been having nothing but fights recently. We are actually in a little bit of a hiatus right now anyways since our old Family Therapist moved into Group Therapy so they are looking for another one for us right now.

[wotchermuggle]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

No review has ever been done. Likely because there's been no progress. I'll bring it up next session.

I did ask this T once what type of therapy are we doing? Her reply was " why does it matter? ".

I think that's a dodgy reply.

Yeah, definitely curious as to why she wouldn't just tell you. Like, wtf? She should be happy you are taking an interest in the work you're doing.

Lots of courage and luck to you - let us know how things turn out.