Why does your T hug you?

You know...
I have about 500 pictures from my childhood and not one of them even shows my mother so much as even touching me.
I have experienced a look of ugh!...on someone elses face when someone looks at me and I saw it on hers many times.
I'm not someone who was born with an invitation that beauty has.

Part of therapy is fixing yourself and other parts are accepting your life for what it is.
I guess I can't explain it.

I don't think I have any pics of my mom and I. She didn't touch me much - no holding, hugging etc that I have memory of. It's hard to grow up that way

You're right...it hurts

My T and I have not hugged. I've got issues with touch.

If we ever DID hug, I think it would be in the form of exposure therapy, haha. We actually talked about it at our last session and I explained how I have been told that I fake-hug, because I'm already pulling away as it starts.

I have virtually no physical touch with my mom however I do have it with other people (mostly people who aren't related to me).

My main T has hugged me but I usually have to ask. I only see him in person once or twice a year in person, so that's when I get them. Too long in between!

CBT T gave me a handshake when we first met. Because I am kind of attracted to him, I want a hug but I know it is best not to ask. If I am crying I might ask but I haven't cried in front of him yet.

It's embarrassing when you're in therapy and end up in a transference situation and every denial is repeated again and again.
It exasperates pain rather than alleviating it.
there are two choosers in that room. She should not have chosen me if she wasn't willing to reach toward me.
It's about a fear of rejection.
I have talked about yhis until I'm blue in the face.
I hope I die.
I ****ing wish I was never born.

No one and I mean no one better ever need me the way they've made me need them.
Giving an embrace which is human, and reserving it solely for attractive people and seemingly dangling it in front of my face is like showing me what I can't have.

why not dance in front of people who are in wheelchairs and all the while saying don't you wish you could have this much fun.
how hard is that for a f****** therapist to understand?

How many girls end up with eating disorders because they can't be the girl on the cover of a magazine?
what do you think happens to people who see other people getting accepted and yet they face one rejection after another. disorders follow closely after that as well

I want to reformulate my answer, as there are two questions really: what are the events that result in your T hugging you, and what is his/her motivation for doing so?

My T hugs me if I ask him to. I don't know why he is willing to do that.

My therapist never hugged me.
Reason... because I'm ugly

I would be really freaked out if my T tried to hug me. Even my family has to warn me if they plan to hug me.

NTLF:

Your reason for your T is your own guess... it's a hurtful guess, but ultimately that is all it is. You're guessing your T's reasons because you have seen snipits of T's relationships with other clients. I'm so sorry that you feel hurt, but you will never know until you ask your T about it.

Using myself as an example: When I am out places, I can seem cold or confident or like I am absolutely happy to be single. When I'm actually none of those things. But I carry myself in a reserved yet outgoing way, so no one can tell what I'd actually like.

When we have such a low self-worth, it's really easy to be withdrawn and to display that we don't want or are not comfortable with more affectionate behaviours. It's a horrible self-fulfilling prophecy, because we want it so much but we consciously and/or unconsciously reject it or make ourselves incredibly hard to approach.

Have you ever asked your T for a hug? Why not try it? If you do, then go to the next session after that and ask your T why they've never hugged you before. Tell them how you feel about it. I'd recommend asking them for a hug first, before bringing up the subject. Because then you can't tell yourself "T only hugged me because I said that they don't hug me because I'm ugly, so they're just trying to cover their own butt".

Because it's a physical expression of how close we are emotionally. It just goes together and seems natural and authentic. I think this is the main reason. However, I've had another benefit and maybe T had this in mind too?--I am not really a huggy person, so this gives me an opportunity to practice a new behavior that I can then take out into real life.

A few years ago my T seemed shocked when he heard I had never hugged my mother. That made me realize that perhaps my family's way of relating was not the norm, or at least not the only option. Since that time, I have begun hugging my mom and I am glad we now share this. No one else in my family is really able to hug. I don't think this was my T's main reason, but it ended up being a good outcome.

I've thought this same way and maybe I should mention that to my Therapist, I also think that it would be good for me to practice hugging with my Therapist.

I am with you that I never hug my mom, I am not sure how hugging my Therapist would help with her but it may help with other people.

Panda...
She terminated back in July.
In 3 years she never offered once. I refuse to kiss someones *** for a hug.

Well I don't think it's the Therapists job to ask for a hug.

I think it is up to the Client to do that.

NTLF,

Why do you think it's all about looks? Honestly, not all people assess worth on looks. Also, I know many pretty people and many stunningly-beautiful people. But, right now I can't actually think of anyone who looks 'ugly'. I truly can't.

I know some people I think of as really unattractive, because they carry on in particular ways with their behaviour...but that has nothing to do with looks.

I consider myself fortunate in the looks department (and that doesn't mean I think I'm perfect, just that I'm happy with how I look 90% of the time!) and it doesn't mean my life is easy. Being confident in my looks (as opposed to how I actually look) probably gets me a certain amount of attention on a superficial level - but that all counts for absolutely nothing once you start building a relationship with any depth or meaning. I've been shunned in the past by a group of neurotic girls who felt threatened by me (ridiculous beyond belief. I'm not exactly Angelina Jolie, I'm very average and just lucky to have been raised to think I was acceptable and worthwhile the way I am!).

Sorry for going off on a tangent, but the looks thing frustrates me.

My therapist hugs me because I ask him to. It took me close to two years to talk about it with him, but now if I indicate that I want a hug, I get one. It's entirely my call. He won't offer one without some specific indication from me that I want or need one. Before we talked about it, the only touch between us was a handshake the first time we met, again, initiated by me.

For me, it's a comfort thing. I'm big on touch. Touch is soothing and grounding to me. I use touch to self-soothe; I stroke my cat's fur, a soft piece of fabric, my own hand, whatever. I think that after so many years of touch being punishing, being able to control the touch and having it be good is very comforting to me. A good hug is better than anything for me.

My T hugs like he means it, too. None of those wimpy, arms draping over your shoulders kind of hugs.

I do think it's a therapists job to OFFER not ask OFFER consolation when appropriate.
they have the training, the wisdom and the skill to identify when someone is in need.
they even talk about this in their training. they know it's going to happen and that there will be times of need.
she saw herself and beautiful people as better than me.
that is the reality of it.
when you been on the receiving end of rejection your whole life only to find the same thing in a therapeutic situation.
it becomes obvious.

She hugs me because I asked, and she understands how the physical contact makes me feel safe and contained and loved. We always hug after a session. In real life I am not a hugger, but in therapy it's very, very different.

Did your T offer comfort in any other form?

I have told my T many times, " I could be on the floor in cardiac arrest and you wouldn't do CPR because that wold involve touching me".

I would live a hug and will never ever get one.

This post keeps popping up in new posts and I have tried my best to stay away from it but seriously it wont go away! I honestly think hugging a t is wrong and shouldn't be allowed! I had one female t that offered to hug me at the beginning and end of each session and I went along with it because I felt awkward saying no. Then other t was male and over stepped the line by kissing me during a hug. I have had such bad experiences with the whole t hugging thing I think it should be a no go. But of course this is only my personal experience and I am sure it works for others but personally, hugs are for the ppl I 'truly' love and are close to me.

So because you had a bad experience and you were unable to say no, something many of us find helpful and healing should be a "no go"? I found it incredibly traumatizing to read "Where the Red Fern Grows" and "Big Yeller." Should I try to prohibit other people from reading those books?

I already said, it from my own personal experience and opinion and sure it helps others. I never slammed it for everyone...I just slammed it for me.