Transference or normal feelings?

I'm getting very confused.
Can anyone help define the difference between transference and "normal" feelings?
I feel very attached to my T but am not sure whether this is transference at work or just "normal" feelings.
I feel like he is my best friend, he is always supportive and does everthing a good T should.
I suppose its normal for me to like someone who gives me their undivided attention and listens to me whatever I rant on about isn't it?

Hi PO.

I think that in therapy, transference ARE normal feelings. At least thats what my T says when we discuss it.
It seems perfectly logical to me that we would end up feeling incredibly close to the 1 person with whom we have that kind of relationship with.

Sounds to me like you have a good T, and you are grateful for that and you recognize the work your t puts forth. I would label them normal feelings.

I was/am very attracted to my T, so much so I had say "I don't want to fall in love with you." T was after all giving me undivided, nonjudgmental, accepting attention and really good at listening and being empathetic. We talked about my feelings. Now they are sometimes more and sometimes less. But even so, there seems to be electricity in the room most times we meet, even if this is not discernable by T. And T has never disclosed any countertransference or feelings toward me.

I think it's "normal feelings" (that is, then and there) feelings I'm having most the time. But some of it could be transference. Although some people think it's important to try to figure out which of the two it is, I've given up on that... lol.. It's probably a mixture.

On the other hand, if we talk about certain things that she has said that have bothered me, upon closer inspection, what I'm bothered about sometimes can reveal that I'm bothered about the same issue with a person in "real life," so whatever is going on (between T and me) it can refer to other people in my life, and I find that aspect of T to be amazing and helpful.

I was going to say the exact same thing.

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Normal feelings and transference are intertwined. However, sometimes your feelings are more transference based, especially if you find you are having an over-reaction or are really attributing something to your T that does not fit what is going on in the room.

For example, you fear your T is going to hit you, but in 1 year, he has never even raised a voice or shown any violence. Or you feel like you need to take care of your sick T, so you bring chicken soup, cough drops, etc to session.

All feelings are valid... it is just where they are going from and why.

I literally just discussed this last session with my T. She didn't actually say which one was which, but the feelings that I felt were similar to yours and she said it was "normal" feelings to have in a "good relationship". So...from what I inferred from her description was that "transferential" feelings can be linked to more of a person or past issue while the normal feelings are more reflective of the effect T or t is presently having on you (even if its a new reaction to a past way of thinking or feeling?).

My feelings for my first t were definitely transference. I wanted her to take care of me and mother me. I have a crush on my current male t but I think that is just because I like him and am attracted to him. If I met him outside of t I would be interested in dating him.

Like others have said... transference is normal.

I think in regards to therapy (and keep in mind, I am in NO WAY an expert!) it would be more "transference" when the T is playing a much bigger role in your life, thoughts and feelings than just the role of a T.

So how you like that your T is always supportive of you and gives you undivided attention? That's just normal feelings because yeah, that's your Ts job!

But feeling that T is your best friend? I, personally, would think that that's more transference because you would be blending T out of his job and into a new role - much like how when people consider their T to be a mother-figure, that's transference because no matter how awesome the T is.. that T will never actually be the mother of the client - they are just fulfilling that need which is transference.

That's how I understand it anyway

I am wondering the same thing about myself. I think I am trying to make myself lose more weight to make him think he needs to take care of me. So, I think it's normal to have transference on some level. Your therapist is always listening to every word you say and the session is always about you - where else are you going to experience that kind of undivided attention?

IMO transference is just a fancy name for "normal" feelings. Its just a label for the profession to refer to the patients reaction. Everyone is technically transferencing eachother all the time.