[Daeva]

Hurt your feelings bad enough to make you cry and make you wonder if they are on your side?

Yes. Cry and much more....
Quitting, ending life, etc...

They say it is transference....I don't know though.

[haier]

Yes! This happened to me and i was so ready to quit but thankfully my t took the time out to dig deeper and find out what had happened when i told her she felt very sorry and it turned out to be a big misunderstanding. I had a hard time building up trust again and honestly i thought i wouldn't get over it but she really helped me and was very sympathetic and understanding and patient and now i trust her more than ever. You should try talking to your t about it. Chances are they don't even know that you're hurt. I'm sorry this happened, i know how devastating and horrible it feels. Hang in there.

[BonnieJean]

Yes, she has. Feelings are magnified in this therapeutic relationship. It can be a 'wild ride' but it seems to be worth it so far for me.

No never. Not in 10 yrs. that wouldn't be very therapeutic.

[stopdog]

The first one I see has mocked me and broken promises she made of her own volition and I have became quite angry. Now I simply use her in a different way so she cannot. The second one I see has not.

[RTerroni]

My last Therapist did when after my last session with her she wouldn't give me a hug.

[anilam]

No, never- it the beginning he couldn't have and now I hope he won't.
Sucks that they have this power over us...

[growlycat]

Yes!! but we got through it

[Daeva]

I just feel like it's so stupid to get upset over and then to bring it up to her and have her think i'm just a stupid baby thats over-sensitive ugh

[Wren_]

many times
though not deliberately

[growlycat]

Go ahead and bring it up!!! The sense of relief is worth it. Chances are it is a misunderstanding or T doesn't know what hurts.

[Raging Quiet]

Yes! She yelled, hit a wall and told me to grow up: it was an awful session.

[Nightlight]

Your reaction is your reaction. I tend to think that the best way to deal with something like this is to talk it though. Particularly if it's making you upset and you're labeling yourself as oversensitive. Plenty of times my therapist has said something or done something that really hurt my feelings. Often I had an overreaction to things like that and talking though my reaction was one of the things that helped me the most in therapy. I definitely think you should bring it up.

And in terms of really hurting my feelings, yes she's now done that as well. After three and a half years of her being the perfect therapist for me, we had a really, really awful session. She compared me to my mother and said I wouldn't be a good mother (because I wouldn't model good behaviour). She compared me to her other clients who are all, apparently, less resistant than I am. She told me she forgot something I said because 15 other people all said the exact same thing. She also went on about how I don't try in therapy, and she said that she does all the work. There was more...it was a horrible experience. Yes, that day definitely made me wonder if she was on my side. She is on my side - I really don't think she was having a very good day that day either. Oh, and I actually was trying and working really hard, to the point where I'd completely changed my life around.

No, not ever. I have a thick skin, but even then, I have no memory of him ever hurting my feelings (but often hurt feelings are much more about us than about what the other person actually said).

[WikidPissah]

yes.

so sorry you were hurt.

[feralkittymom]

Not that I remember. That said, I often cried in response to things that were said, and there was pain, but it wasn't him hurting my feelings, and I never doubted he was on my side.

You really should bring it up. I doubt your T will think you're being oversensitive. She will probably be grateful because sharing with her what hurts is valuable information for her to help you.

[tinyrabbit]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Hurt your feelings bad enough to make you cry and make you wonder if they are on your side?

There have been times in therapy when I have felt badly hurt, I have cried and I have wondered if my T is on my side. But my feelings were already hurt before I brought them to therapy, and my T is on my side. I am not on my side. I filter what he says, hear a different tone of voice, take things the wrong way, get upset and hurt when no upset or hurt is intended.

I don't think a good T relationship is necessarily one in which you never feel hurt or upset. That happens in all relationships. The question is why, and what happens next. My T has always been very interested in how I feel and why I'm upset, even if my experience is not congruent with his.

[Daeva]

Originally Posted by tinyrabbit

There have been times in therapy when I have felt badly hurt, I have cried and I have wondered if my T is on my side. But my feelings were already hurt before I brought them to therapy, and my T is on my side. I am not on my side. I filter what he says, hear a different tone of voice, take things the wrong way, get upset and hurt when no upset or hurt is intended.

I don't think a good T relationship is necessarily one in which you never feel hurt or upset. That happens in all relationships. The question is why, and what happens next. My T has always been very interested in how I feel and why I'm upset, even if my experience is not congruent with his.

Thank you for this, I know my problem with my T seems so little for me but it's so hard to trust and be vulnerable and since I am with her I tend to magnify everything. I was actually wondering if I had misjudged us and we aren't a good fit but thats a bit much I need to remember T is human and we just need to work it out, not let myself run from the problem

[stopdog]

To be honest, I don't see a therapist as being on "the side" of a client in any circumstances. It is not something I understand as a concept, so the woman not being on my side is not really something that I find upsetting.
The woman has told me other clients view her as being on their side but I don't know why she thought that information (which I am not certain is even true) would be useful for me.

OP - what could the therapist do to make you think she was on your side, if that is something you desire from therapy?

[GeorgiaGirl413]

Yes, but we got through it together. I said things to her that were hurtful as well, and I know that on my part it was quite deliberate. I do not believe that she hurt my feelings deliberately. Also, because of my illness I get my feelings hurt very easily, because, of course, it's all about me.

T is one of the few people to ever reduce me to sobbing in frustration and pain. We did work through it, however.

yes and yes...and we are still together it always works out ♥

[LoneWolfie]

Originally Posted by Daeva

Hurt your feelings bad enough to make you cry and make you wonder if they are on your side?

Being borderline I am pretty sensitive and yes she has hurt my feelings on several occasions. I have not cried but have gotten angry, I use anger to cover my vulnerable feelings such as sadness/hurt.

When I have blown up it is a written personal attack and it has almost caused a rupture in our relationship. So I now will write what I feel for us to talk about but try and do it with a cool head and hand.

I am learning and trying to reason that she sometimes says things not realizing that I run with it usually in the wrong direction. At times she tells me things and then proceeds to say, "now Lonewolfie, I am not saying this to hurt you." Because she knows I sometimes take things said and my mind warps it into something it is not.

So these things happen in therapy, I don't think t's do it on purpose and as for being on your/our side. Don't know what to really say about that. T's want the best for us, I believe that.

LW

[doyoutrustme]

Yeah, once. He was doing some provocative therapy. And I knew what he was trying to do, and it was STILL upsetting.