[Lily5473]

I have 3 sessions left with my t. I have developed intense feelings for her. And if I could have my way, I would love to get to know her outside of the therapeutic setting. I know it's called transference, but I don't think this is. I am genuinely attracted to her. I know she has faults, but I like those faults. She doesn't remind me of anyone in my past either. I don't want to act on my feelings or tell her because I respect the boundaries and I don't want to put her in an awkward position. On the other hand, however, I don't want to be left with these feelings once therapy ends. I want closure. I want to move on. I know I can never be with her. I've tried everything short of blatantly telling her that I have feelings for her. I've prepared a whole speech, but then she just focuses on one part of it. I know that she'll interpret my feelings as transference. And they're not. I am genuinely attracted to her and I want to get to know her better. Is it even possible to work through this in three sessions?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Lily5473

I have 3 sessions left with my t. I have developed intense feelings for her. And if I could have my way, I would love to get to know her outside of the therapeutic setting. I know it's called transference, but I don't think this is. I am genuinely attracted to her. I know she has faults, but I like those faults. She doesn't remind me of anyone in my past either. I don't want to act on my feelings or tell her because I respect the boundaries and I don't want to put her in an awkward position. On the other hand, however, I don't want to be left with these feelings once therapy ends. I want closure. I want to move on. I know I can never be with her. I've tried everything short of blatantly telling her that I have feelings for her. I've prepared a whole speech, but then she just focuses on one part of it. I know that she'll interpret my feelings as transference. And they're not. I am genuinely attracted to her and I want to get to know her better. Is it even possible to work through this in three sessions?

sure its ok to tell a therapist you care about them....here in NY this kind of thing is called attachment not transference, unless the feelings towards the therapist is one where a person is feeling that way because they feel that way for someone else...

example here where I live and work If I like/care about my therapist for no other reason then I like my therapist for who she is and how she does things its attachment, if I like/care about my therapist because I am transferring my love for my wife to my therapist then its transference.

whether its transference or attachment here where I live and work it is ok to tell a therapist when you like, care, love them and would like to have an outside of therapy relationship. NY is one of the USA states that does allow for friendships after a client and therapist no longer have a business relationship.

you can find out if your location allows for this kind of thing by talking with your treatment providers or by contacting what ever agency over sees mental health ethics in your location.

[kaliope]

Since your feelings are so intense, it is best to tell her sooner rather than later. Hopefully you can work it out in the time you have left. Just because its therapy, doesn't mean it has to be transference. You can be attracted to her just like you are attracted to somebody you meet on the street. Unfortunately there are rules against that relationship and that is what you have to deal with. take care.

[RTerroni]

It's hard to say, I never told my last Therapist that I had any feelings for her (and in reality I am not sure if I did and if I in fact did then they were very minor) but she figured it out and dropped me as her client.

[Favorite Jeans]

How do you sort out what's transference and what isn't? My understanding of transference isn't that T reminds you of anyone else but that the feelings you have for her stem from an unmet need in an earlier primary relationship. The attraction in transference is no less genuine (we have transference in non-therapeutic relationships too), it's just that it's fraught with baggage from your past.

[doyoutrustme]

You can always bring it up, as you are terminating anyways. If she is worth her salt she will be flattered but turn you down. There are good reasons its against the law.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans

How do you sort out what's transference and what isn't? My understanding of transference isn't that T reminds you of anyone else but that the feelings you have for her stem from an unmet need in an earlier primary relationship. The attraction in transference is no less genuine (we have transference in non-therapeutic relationships too), it's just that it's fraught with baggage from your past.

well it can be hard sometimes to distinguish between transference and any other mental health definitions/problems that resemble each other. Especially since each location, treatment provider, culture and what have you all use mental health terms in so many different ways than each other...

the best way to figure out what you are feeling/what mental health terms mean in your location is by talking with your treatment providers. they can help you sort things out in a way that fits whats going on and what the term means in your own location, culture.....

[Nerak67]

Nothing wrong with bringing it up but in my experience not much resolution will happen in 3 sessions. Decide if you think it will feel good just to have her know etc but don't expect it to get resolved.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

sure its ok to tell a therapist you care about them....here in NY this kind of thing is called attachment not transference, unless the feelings towards the therapist is one where a person is feeling that way because they feel that way for someone else...

example here where I live and work If I like/care about my therapist for no other reason then I like my therapist for who she is and how she does things its attachment, if I like/care about my therapist because I am transferring my love for my wife to my therapist then its transference.

whether its transference or attachment here where I live and work it is ok to tell a therapist when you like, care, love them and would like to have an outside of therapy relationship. NY is one of the USA states that does allow for friendships after a client and therapist no longer have a business relationship.

you can find out if your location allows for this kind of thing by talking with your treatment providers or by contacting what ever agency over sees mental health ethics in your location.

just wanted to add I even told my therapist she has a great rear view, her reaction was to put a paper sign with a question or statement on her behind for me to read as we walked back to her office like....do these pants make my butt look big... or "I am having a fanny-tastic day...or some more racy statements. lol