I dumped my t. I feel heartbroken. I miss her already and I am not sure what went wrong yet but I feel sick.
I don't want to see another t after having two bad experiences already but I have to see another t as I have to for my course.
I feel like such a failure.

[SallyBrown]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

I dumped my t. I feel heartbroken. I miss her already and I am not sure what went wrong yet but I feel sick.
I don't want to see another t after having two bad experiences already but I have to see another t as I have to for my course.
I feel like such a failure.

You're not a failure, Mona. It takes a lot of strength and courage to dump a T, and as with any new relationship, of course it's frightening to think about trying to make it work all over again.

Don't forget there are two people in the client-T relationship, so any dysfunction is unlikely to be 100% on one person. I'm sorry it didn't work out. I had a termination last year that was excruciating, incredibly sad. I am really glad I just pushed myself to find another T at that time, because even though I didn't totally click with the next T right away, it was far and away better than being T-less and feeling so alone with the termination sadness.

Good luck

[stopdog]

I hope you find a better one. Is it possible to try out a few before diving in? Like dating around a bit instead of bringing the u-haul to the first appointment?

[Asiablue]

For a start you are not the failure in all of this. She failed you when she didn't keep her own boundaries. Secondly, there were lots of reasons your alarm bells were sounding about her and i really think this could be good for you, to find someone better suited to what you need. I think your attachment was keeping you there rather than your belief that she could help you.

Despite all that, i know your heart is hurting right now and i'm sorry for that. Keep writing it out xx

[tinyrabbit]

MLS I'm so sorry it has come to this. I really hope you can find another T who will be more helpful to you.

[ShrinkPatient]

Mona,
The decision to leave a T is never an easy one and often times we second guess ourselves and miss our ex T. How amazing you are and how brave you are for not only recognizing that this T wasn't good for you, but actually deciding to remove yourself from the situation. I agree with what was said before that finding a new T is important and a new T is better then no T. However, no T is probably better then a bad one or the wrong one.
Kudos for being so brave. Now get out there and find that T that is right for you!!! Good luck!!!
:hug :hug

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk - now Free

[Favorite Jeans]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I hope you find a better one. Is it possible to try out a few before diving in? Like dating around a bit instead of bringing the u-haul to the first appointment?

Yeah don't even bring a toothbrush to the first appointment and leave the u-haul for a couple of months in!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I hope you find a better one. Is it possible to try out a few before diving in? Like dating around a bit instead of bringing the u-haul to the first appointment?

This is exactly my problem. I just dive right in there. I miss t so much and wonder if this really is the right thing

[Nerak67]

I dive right in and get attached right away too. It did help getting over old t that I have a new one I feel connected too. Of course now I am having transference issues with him but at least I am not a total wreck over missing old t. Good luck!

[Wren_]

(((((((mona)))))))))

[blur]

You are so not a failure. It hurts right now but sometimes we have to let go of what is holding us back before we can take hold of the good things coming our way. Please be sure to check out any new Ts carefully and trust your gut on them. You're going to be ok. You did a hard but good thing.

Originally Posted by blur

You are so not a failure. It hurts right now but sometimes we have to let go of what is holding us back before we can take hold of the good things coming our way. Please be sure to check out any new Ts carefully and trust your gut on them. You're going to be ok. You did a hard but good thing.

Thank you Blur, I needed to hear that
This is what I don't get, I have great gut instinct but I never listen to it. Perhaps I will this time. I hope new t will be ok because I have had three ts so far and all three of them did more harm than good.

[Wren_]

(((Mona))) that's a good point about not listening to your gut instinct ... the last few T's you seem to have known fairly quickly that they weren't working for you but kept going until you were hurt by them ... I just read what you said to Rain about hurting herself being addictive ... do you think that is part of why you don't find it easy to listen to your gut instinct of RUN

Originally Posted by tigergirl

(((Mona))) that's a good point about not listening to your gut instinct ... the last few T's you seem to have known fairly quickly that they weren't working for you but kept going until you were hurt by them ... I just read what you said to Rain about hurting herself being addictive ... do you think that is part of why you don't find it easy to listen to your gut instinct of RUN

Yes, I do have a self destructive behaviour in that regard. I knew ts were no good and partners but I still carried on knowing what was happening and I would be heartbroken. I suppose I was always afraid to move away from people first and to make the decision to change. I wondered for years what was wrong with me that I let people hurt me and it is only now that you said it Tigergirl that I realise what an unhealthy pattern it is. My gut has been screaming at me about my gf- we broke up last week and yesterday I learned she cheated just like all the others.
I think I am far too trusting and don't think that people have agendas and now I have learned they do it scares me and I really don't think I can ever trust another human being fully. I have never had anyone in my life that has shown me that humans are kind and trustworthy .
Thank you Tigergirl

[Asiablue]

Mona,

i don't think there is a such a things as too trusting and i think it is a quality you should endeavour to keep. What you need to change is your boundaries, being clear and what behaviour you will or will not put up with. It's interesting that the jealous girlfriend was actually the one cheating, as is usually the case the person who is least trustworthy is the one most suspicious of others intentions- projection much?

It is a good thing to trust people. Give people your trust, but recognise a Bshitter when you see one (which i know you can) and don't wait around and give them your trust to hit you in the head with over and over again. Because really, you are allowing that and then letting it reinforce the story you tell yourself that everyone is untrustworthy and you need to close yourself off.
It's not that every human is out to get you, or untrustworthy, it's more that you are choosing to be around the ones bad for you. Humans are flawed and even the good ones might inadvertantly hurt your feeling, so it's about building up resilience to that, accepting that people make mistakes.

So now i'm going to go try take my own advice!