Just couldn't do it

I canceled an appointment because I had been feeling horrible and I just couldn't muster up the energy to express my emotions. I knew it would hurt too much. I am now feeling guilty and weak. I lied and said I was sick. I think I should now tell my therapist of my avoidance of emotions at our next session. But now I'm going to probably have to pay for the last minute cancelation and risk looking like a jerk for wasting the therapists time. Any advice?

I've done this exact thing, for the same reasons and afterwards felt guilty and weak and regretted not going. I would definitely bring it up with your T next time you see him/her. Therapy is hard and scary and you're not the first person this has happened to.

You are incredibly brave for going to therapy at all. I don't think your T would blame you or get angry with you for avoiding a session; facing emotions head-on with another person is an incredibly frightening thing to do. Many people quit after the first session, and it's so easy to just walk away. I'm sure we have all thought many times about canceling an appointment. I think your T will just be happy that you are coming back and continuing to work with him or her.

I would definitely bring it up even though it is hard. You won't look bad for doing so. It is really hard to talk about how we are feeling but your T is there to help you deal with those emotions. Avoidance is natural but try to let yourself open up to your T next time.

I think telling him it's a great idea- not a fan of lying to your T-what's the point then?
Plus your T should know how bad you're feeling- maybe therapy is going too fast for you and it's time to slow down a bit?
Personally I'd feel better if I could pay for that time- I wouldn't feel like I wasted his time if he still got payed.

I don't think a client looks like a jerk when they cancel. And I don't think a client wastes a therapist's time if they have paid the cancellation fee. If you lied to not pay the cancellation fee, then pay it and go on, is what I would do.