Crying in therapy

Can I ask something.... When you do cry, does your T comfort you or touch you? I guess everyone has a different experience. Sorry for asking. I would love my T to hold me while I cried and I hope this might happen one day? I think it would feel weird if I was crying and she just sat there watching? I just wish I could show her how desperately unhappy and on the edge I am but it is almost as if the worst it gets the more barriers I put up. I am being constantly verbally abused at home/have an ED and think I am emotionally numb. Sorry for going off topic on your thread. Xx

I cried all the time with my old t and she just pretty much sat there and let me cry. She never moved closer to me or said much soothing although it didn't feel like she wasn't being empathic.

No, mine doesn't, though she might make some empathic statements. I used to fervently wish that my former T would hold me while I cried as well. I have more recognition now that that wasn't an entirely healthy (for me) wish. I felt like I couldn't tolerate my feelings in her presence.

When I have cried in therapy my T has sometimes said, pretty matter-of-factly, "It is okay to cry." Other than that, she does not comfort me or touch me or offer me tissues.

On one occasion where I was extremely upset, she sort of "piled it on" by saying something on topic that could reasonably have been expected to make me cry more. She might have done this intentionally; her plan (as I imagine) was to intensify the affect so as to make the learning more solid.

I don't think that what she said at that time was entirely accurate but it was close enough. I spent the whole next week thinking over the ramifications of that incident. It was extremely helpful.

One time he held my hand, but that was unusual for him. I tend to fight back the tears, and what he does do is tell me to just let it happen. He usually pulls his chair forward a bit and leans forward while he talks to me quietly. He works to get me to put words behind the tears. That's the hard part. He does that because I tend to dissociate very badly if I get to far into the crying. There's a fine line that he knows he has to keep me from crossing (which he's learned through years of experience with me). He'll tell me to "use my words" which reminds me of what I used to say to my boys when they were really little and needed something. In a way that is really comforting because I do feel really little and vulnerable when I am crying.

With my ED t, I've gotten teary almost every session since I started seeing her this past May. Almost seems like it is supposed to happen with her or it wasn't productive. If I don't cry, it feels like something went wrong. That probably sounds strange.

With my personal t, whom I've been seeing for 1.5 years, I've only gotten teary a few times total. I've never really cried with him yet. I do imagine what it would be like to do it though. The thought of it both intrigues and frightens me terribly. Funny thing is, I told him about this very thought this morning. He said that if I were to have a big ol cry in his office, he would consider it a professional victory and I should be very proud for allowing myself to open up and feel safe to do so. I feel safe with him, just hope that I can get over the vulnerability part someday.

Good question Bill!

My ED t just talks softly, but generally just sits there and asks more questions leading me to talk more. Doesn't push until she knows I can handle it.

My personal t moves his chair closer, but does something that works well for me. He either turns around or looks the other way. He knows that the last thing I want is for him to sit there and watch me cry and that I'll stop if I see him doing so, so he turns away. If I get too quiet, he'll quietly talk to me from there and keep the conversation going. It works.

I was in T for just 4 months, we talked about trauma and a lot of difficult things but I did not feel the urge to cry luckily. I am very scared of crying in front of anybody. I got punished as a child when I cried it was "not allowed". My parents always told me " we will give you a real reason to cry if you don´t stop right now". I think I will run out of the office if the situation occurs.

My T will usually hand me the box of tissue if I'm crying. The one time I was sobbing really bad because of my CSA she came over and sat next to me and another time I asked her if she'd hold my hand and she did.

I once asked her in the midst of it all if I could have a hug and she gladly embraced me

But I don't cry anymore,ever. I feel weak from it. You couldn't cry or act like a baby in my family

I cry almost every session. I cry very easily anyway and not just in therapy.I hate cryong in front of anyone and it was never encouraged in my home nor where any kind of emotions. So for me being able to cry in front of somebody has been very healing for me.
When I cry t will sit there in her chair facing me, she will watch intently. She will not push me and wait until I am ready to start again. I never really thought about what happens when we cry in therapy so thanks for the interesting thread Bill
I can't remember what happens with my t when I cry because for some reason I always dissassociate when i cry.

with my (sorta) ex-T, i never cried in 5.5 years. I teared up for a second when I saw her the day after my grandfather died, but that was about it. I'm a robot!

I'm not a huge crier in general, and haven't really cried in a long time.

I've gotten teary-eyed, but its like as soon as I begin to feel it - I run away. My T asks me to try to stay with my feelings but I can't seem to do so with my sadness. I wish I could cry but then, it also TERRIFIES me. My T wonders if some part of me worries it would never end...I think I just don't want to seem weak and helpless in front of him and then he could take advantage. I'm sure he wouldn't though.

There was a time when I would have said the same;
now I put the thought away and just allow myself to be, in her presence, as much as I can... and that means the tears do flow.
No I don't think about it after, very often.
Except now and then I remember seeing her wipe tears from her eyes too.

I have never actually cried in session, though I've came very close several times. My eyes have at least begun to water. My T didn't notice (as far as I know) every time except for once or twice. I think she could tell my voice suddenly changed and I was contorting my face awkwardly. I actually think she tried to provoke me to cry because she asked "do you ever cry about it? get that lump in the back of your throat?"

I try to hide that I'm almost about to cry, even if it means I stop talking and breathe for a little bit. It would just be an uncomfortable experience for me.

Agreed-nice to see you start a thread.

I've said before that I cried my eyes out in the first session with my T. I really didn't think about it, nor could I control it. I apologized, and he said something to the effect of it was safe to cry here. And I said that I never cried, which was true, and he said , Maybe you need to, or maybe you should, I don't quite remember.

Like Critterlady, I got the "I'll give you something to cry about" line as a child. The few times when I couldn't control it made it clear it wasn't safe to cry at home. So for most of my life, I never cried.

I never really thought about crying as being vulnerable in therapy, though maybe my T saw it that way, and it probably helped him feel I could be helped because I was in touch with feeling. I experienced it more as something I couldn't control. And I suppose because I recognized subconsciously that it was safe, that maybe it was even a way to make myself safe--like the way some animals will adopt a posture of submission or woundedness to prevent an attack. A way to provoke his empathy. There was nothing feigned about it, it was very heartfelt, and I truly didn't feel as if I could have stopped it, but subconsciously? I don't know.

I never felt any particular relief by crying. Wrung out, sometimes, and tension lessened, sometimes, but not a specifically emotional relief. It didn't seem to matter if it was just streaming tears or sobbing. My T would always sit quietly, sometimes say something softly. I always experienced him as very present when I cried, never distant. And I probably cried in @ 75% of sessions overall.

I still cry very easily, and it annoys me now. I accept it as is because I can't really do anything about it. Not too long ago, I cried in a work setting (not on the job, but an official social occasion). I was mortified (though I was talking about a horrible event), but because I work in a culture in which people generally do not show any emotions, yet also believe that tears show a person's true character (and who think films are good if they make you cry), it actually impressed my colleagues deeply. Interesting.

It was over three years before I cried properly in front of my T. Before then I always blinked away my tears, not as successfully as I'd have liked, but I made sure no tears left my eyes. After a huge rupture a year ago, I've cried a lot. I look down when I do and I still really don't like crying in front of another person. I find that it feels awkward to have resisted crying in front of anyone for most of my life, to then sit and cry as someone sits opposite and watches. Ugh.

A former therapist pointed out that I'd say "I don't know" whenever I felt emotional. She was right, I did. The second something made me feel sad I'd block it all from my mind and I'd be unable to answer or say anything. But, at least I didn't cry.....

I cry a lot in therapy. I hate it. It's the worst I've had. I didn't cry that much with the others. And I feel worse because he's a guy. But he always says let it out, let the grief go, and I do feel better later on. But funnily, I cry less outside of the therapy room.

Way to go Bill! Would love to see more threads from you.

I also grew up being told , "keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about." Also, any strong emotion was ridiculed, happy or sad. Anger seemed to be somewhat allowed.

I had terrible experiences in my teens/early 20's with T's that would just sit and stare as I cried. It made me angry, no, furious. It felt so cold and uncaring. I think I took silence as mocking.

My longtime T is wonderful. When I used to see him in person and not by phone, he would do all sorts of things when I cried. Talked soothingly, sat closer, made eye contact, and after one full meltdown, he held me.

I currently see a CBT T close to where I live while maintaining 2x monthly phone sessions w/main T.

I cried once with CBT T and it was ok, but I was hoping for a more demonstrative response. He did say all the good things, like it was a safe place to let the tears flow, "it's ok"…stuff like that. He'll lean forward too. He's a good guy, but a bit more macho than my longtime T.

I can't cry properly. I don't know if it is a physiological defect or if I just don't know how. When my father died a few years ago, I could cry for a minute or two, perhaps, a few times, but I think (I don't actually know) that crying usually goes on for a longer time. I'm not used to seeing other people cry either, to be honest.
I have not cried in therapy, but with current T I have occasionally had tears in my eyes (once to the point where I almost dropped a contact lens...)

On some level I think it might be good/catharctic in the moment to cry "for real" but I think the repercussions would not be worth it.

I didn't always cry in front of T's, I feel safe with my current T so yes - I cry