Crying in therapy

I am wondering if people would be willing to share their feelings or thoughts about crying in therapy.

For myself: I don't like it, but even so I have to admit my experience has been that crying in therapy seems to accompany a significant improvement in understanding of myself and/or of what happened when I was growing up.

Hi Bill, nice thread subject

I have never cried in therapy. I have been with my T for 4 years, trust her more than i have ever trusted anyone else in my life, but i simply cannot cry in therapy. I dont understand why!
I actually think i would love to be able to, but it never happens. I have discussed this with my T and she thinks it'll happen when i dont try to force it. My problem is that i just zone out when the going gets tough in regards to subject matter.

HT.

Hi, Bill, I'm glad you asked this question. It's a sensitive topic for me too. When I first met my therapist, I told her what I learned when I was young about crying: it was for funerals or other major tragedies, in other cases, I learned to suck it up. I had learned better over the years as an adult, but that was my original framework. We began our sessions via chat online, so... I had the opportunity to cry unobserved, which was freeing, but I learned quickly that it was only fair to tell my therapist if I was crying. I felt uncomfortable sharing that sometimes, hard to feel "justified" crying, hard to get to that place of emotional openness where I acknowledge or find I have anything to cry about. She learned to ask me sometimes, if I was crying, during pauses in our chats, and it has become much easier, a regular part of the dialog to explain how I'm feeling in my body, if I'm crying, etc. It's been a good experience to be revealing like this.

At one point, I felt so blocked up that I didn't think I'd be able to give her enough emotional honesty through typing, so I asked if we could do phone sessions. It seems like I've been wailing ever since, haha. Something about hearing her kind voice and dealing with the issues I've been working through (PTSD, abuse, relationship issues) is very encouraging. She actually has a deep belief about the benefits of crying, about releasing pent up emotional energy, and that tears can be stored a long time and need to come out I think. She talks about tears as healing, though I certainly don't always feel them that way. Sometimes they feel wrenching, sometimes I feel completely frustrated, but sometimes I do feel a glimmer of relief, and I will say that while I do not feel better necessarily as I work through the hard things, I'm doing a lot better, and think the crying helps.

One of the things my therapist does that I really love is say she will "hold" my tears for me, give me a safe space to cry, and she is comforting and sympathetic, in a grandmotherly sort of way almost, which helps a lot.

I can not quite imagine crying like that with a male therapist or someone my own age even, for example.

So far I haven't done it though she's suggested it may be just the release I need. I don't think i'm ready to cry in T because it feels both vulnerable and pointless. If it happens, I won't be ashamed but i'd rather it not because I don't like the idea of having to discuss why i was crying. Generally, though, I go in with the mind frame of being open and honest and with a strategic mind frame like "lets get to work resolving some issues" and emotions don't really have much remaining space in my brain left to work with.

I cry in therapy all the time. In fact, I almost feel like I haven't had a good session unless I cry. In the beginning I did not cry at all, and in general I am not a cryer. But in therapy, all bets are off. Thank goodness that my T is not uncomfortable with tears.

Just the thought of crying in front of the the therapist creates some panic in me. If it ever were to come up that I could not control and stop it, I would toss money on her table and leave.

I cry rarely in therapy and wish that I did more when we were talking about deep pain and trauma. I become numb and like there is this protective shield over my chest. The few times that I have cried (and never totally letting go) have felt good and cathartic. Why can I cry at an episode of Law and Order SVU and not over things that have happened in my own life? Only when I can really grieve and feel them will I get over them... I don't feel awkward crying around my T. At one point I think it scared me to do so, but no longer.

Can't believe I'm still so reticent about this, like in our appt on Saturday when I told her that I cut for the first time in over 6 months...

I have had several therapists through the years and I cried for each one of them. Not all the time but when things were coming to the surface.

Hi bill! When I first started with T I think I cried nearly every session, sometimes for the whole time.
I hate crying.
Now tho I can't, and I told her this. I want to but it won't happen! There have been times tho where T will push and push and I will begin to, but then I stop.
I want to feel a release, one of my friends has broken down in therapy and stated it was the most freeing thing for her.

I have teared up a few times, and cried a bit once. I wish in a way I could do it more, but I don't want to lose control - that's really my fear, not the crying itself, but losing control. A few tears in an orderly fashion is fine. Bawling would be terrifying.

I cried once in therapy, it was when I first went for help, t was talking about doing CBT, anyway we were talking about my split from an ex partner and I was really crying, worked myself up into a state at the end the t goes, well you haven't worked through feelings surrounding your split with your ex so I can't help you and discharged me. Let's just say I found a much better T but just can't cry in therapy anymore.

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I don't like crying and it feels weak to me, I suppose, because as a child I did cry a lot and I was told "boys don't cry", "don't be a baby", etc. But if I see someone else cry I do not consider them to be weak.

I cry when doing trauma work.

I cried today when my T was asking to describe one of my flashbacks to her.

I don't like to cry in front of anyone, so no, I don't like crying in therapy. That said, I find those moments when I do cry to be both intense and usually very important moments in my therapy, so I don't find the crying harmful in any way. I just don't like all the tears and snot.

I grew up being told not to cry or I would be given something to cry about. Makes sense, right?

I cry a lot in therapy, but I have never sobbed. I just leak tears. And get all snotty. I hate it, but I've come to accept that the harder I try to stop it, the worse it is.

The only time I've ever sobbed in front of anyone was when my mother died. Even then, it wasn't in front of T. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to sob in front of him. I'm sure he'll consider it a red letter day if I do. Therapists seem to eat that stuff up with a spoon.

I hate crying in therapy. I think it shows weakness. I have cried in therapy a total of 3 times and I've been going for about a year and a half. Sometimes I can't help it, but my therapist is nice and doesn't really make a big deal about it, unless i'm having a panic attack as well. If I feel like I'm on the verge of tears, I will try to hold them back, or I'll change the subject to stop me from crying

Lately everyone of my sessions have been nothing but tearful sessions. I have been seeing her for over 4 years, and just in the last 6 months I haven't been in a session yet where the tears haven't flowed.

It does make a difference what the issue is, and it's for the ED for which is the most difficult part of my life I've ever dealt with. Dealing with whole thing and getting through the days between therapy (every 3 weeks) is a killer. I also didn't cry much when I was younger; my mother was neither warm nor affectionate.

I cry a lot in therapy. I find it very difficult if my T doesn't react - he's giving me space but it reminds me of not being comforted as a child. It's kind of a minefield in many ways which is good really as it brings out the issues!

I hate crying. It's a frustrated feeling and then I feel embarassed.

When I first started seeing my T I would cry almost every session. It came to a point where if I didn't cry, I didn't think it was that great of a session. Now I'm the complete opposite and never cry at all. I've told my T that I have no more tears and they are a waste for my journey through healing and recovery especially with my ED. My T says it's okay to let it out but I haven't been able to. Sometimes I want to cry and I let her no,but I've just completely cut off that portion of my brain recently. I'm sure it helps others but I'm just terrified of not being able to control it

The therapist used to tell me I needed to cry in front of her, but it caused me to have panic attacks in her office when she would start talking about it so finally I got her to listen to me and stop doing it. I cannot imagine it having any positive benefit for me and she could never tell me why it would be a good idea other than some crap about having a witness that made no sense at all.

It is lovely to see you post a thread.

I'm sorry that you were invalidated as a child when you cried. That sounds really painful. Have you spoken to your therapist about how you feel it is helpful but dislike doing it?

Personally, I have cried a lot in therapy (I can't really imagine someone in therapy not crying at one time or another with the amount of painful stuff we have to deal with!). It has never been full-on, although there have been a few deeply painful moments where I've covered my eyes and sobbed a few times (then sat up straight and composed myself!). But generally I'll sit with a few tears coming down my face and I'll be determined not to wipe them away. I'm not sure why, perhaps I'm deeply sad but also angry and unconsciously saying "this time you can see my pain, I'm not going to hide it to make you feel better". Who knows.

Abby: I am really touched that you would notice and kindly comment on the novelty of me starting a thread. Thank you so much.

Thanks so much for this. I am exactly the same - really wish I could let it all out but somehow just zone out when I am in the room with her. It's weird. I really want to be able to cry. Why can't we?

When I first started therapy, I never cried. But I also didn't cry in front of anyone else. I spent a year *trying* to cry with one of my therapists. She felt safe, and I think I thought it would be cathartic. Never happened. With my second to last therapist, I got to the point where I cried all the time. It was awful, just really, really awful. I felt totally out of control and it was in no way cathartic.

With current T, I cried a little in the beginning, but haven't really for the past few months. Crying with her feels ok, though it's still uncomfortable at times to feel like I"m being stared at while I'm weeping. Crying is such a weird thing if you think about it. Or at least I think it is.