COME GET YOUR KiICKS ON COUCH 66!

Chief Cook and Bottle Washer is an old saying, used exactly as CE said. It's just saying "I'm in charge of everything from cooking to dishes". Strange saying though, isn't it?

((((((((((((((((((GRANITE))))))))))))))))))))
Please don't hurt my bestie. PLEASE. It's not your fault T effed up. She may have gotten seriously ill, suddenly. Don't assume it's because she doesn't care for you.

I have had a crazy "running around" few days with my mother. Constant attention, everything about her. Thank GOD my doc gave me really strong pain pills for my back...I used them way too much, but I got thru it. She told me tonight that she never in her life felt as loved and cared for as she feels with me. I honestly think she meant it. It hurt though...because I think that should work both ways? I dunno. It's all good though.

We get the keys to her new digs on MON, and the movers will be moving her in next WED. Just hoping and praying that I can purchase a bed and get it delivered ASAP so I can get her sleeping there. The place is only 5 min from me, so my life will be easier??? Maybe??? Hell, who knows. When we lived close she drove me crazy. When she lived 45 min away it was so damn hard on me and she drove me crazy. BUT...I did get her a companion to come in 2 afternoons a week and clean or take her out or whatever. She'll hate whom ever it is, but that's life.

OH....THIS IS FOR MAST (and perhaps Stopdog and Ike): 12 Fascinating Facts About Famous Literature | Oliver Tearle

This is what I tried to explain to YT...that every year I think I can create the perfect Christmas... but its so upsetting because after all the work...its never perfect... he asked what would be perfect and I said I would know it when I saw it... and after thinking about it a perfect Christmas would be one that would undo the memory of every Christmas that I can remember as a child/teenager...

RTS I've figured out that a perfect Christmas doesn't exist, some are just better then others. ((((((RTS))))))

Hey Wiki... Its exciting that its almost over and you can be in your own house by yourself...
I hope you can set some boundaries so she doesn't think she can have you at her beck and call...it would be easiest to start from the beginning so she knows what she can expect ...

You are a very good daughter. I have a lot of respect for you although lots of times I think AWWWWWW... because I wish you would put yourself first sometimes (pot calling the kettle black)...

Hey CC... How did your meeting go today? Was it one of those that everyone talks and nothing is decided or was it one where you came away with a list of action items/deliverables?

Well, I made it through session with T and I made it home and not at the hospital which apparently was an option. I see him again on Friday.

MUE....been thinking about you...

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time.... check in when you can.

Yes, seeing T was helpful. My choice was to promise that if I felt the urge to do "something" that I would contact him first (I have his cell number) and we would talk about it. He did say that it didn't necessarily mean that I would be sent to the hospital, if he felt I was safe after the phone call he wouldn't send me there. BUT- if I couldn't promise him that I would call then he would have sent me there tonight. So, to have that person, who I promise to call before I do something is huge for me. Because, really, I am a person of my word and I think that is why he feels safe making those contracts with me. He knows that when times are tough, I do reach out and that I have been honest with him up until now and promising something to him, means something. So, I suppose it helps keep me safe.

No on the antidepressants.

Healed..

its so good that you have that person to call...someone who you know cares about you...no matter what...

have you talked about whether medication would be helpful?

(sorry I deleted...thought maybe it was too personal)

They suck suck suck, my blood pressure boiled over multiple times. I am too vested, one person said "bless your corporate heart"...yup thats it... no family so I bury my loyalties and life into work... uggg

I have told T a lot of difficult things in the two years he has been my T.. when he asked me how I would "do it", it took me a couple of minutes to share. Before I shared, asked him why he needed to know, if I had to tell him.. then finally told him.

I've never had the guts to share with any of my Ts... what was his responses...did he say why he wanted to know and if he had to know?

When I was pretty low, xT asked me if I would tell him if I wanted to do that and I said no... he almost jumped out of his seat...he was almost angry...but after we talked I said that i would tell him felt like my thinking was going that way so that we could discuss it... but after that time I was way too afraid to bring it up again...

oh... I have a special link for CritterLady too:
Some Hero Strapped a GoPro Camera Onto An Eagle And The Footage Is Breathtaking | Co.Create | creativity + culture + commerce

Wikii...love your new avatar..

So other people arent' concerned with the success of the project? aren't people given incentives if they reach deadlines and goals?

He said he wanted me to hear what I was thinking out loud.. And he wanted to know how planned out I had everything.. He didn't say this, but I assume he was asking to see if I had the things needed to follow through with it.

When I was at my lowest, there was this certain place I went to, to do "it". I would go there a lot, and will myself. I had the perfect plan, and the means for a long time, like a year. I would go to this place and walk myself thru the steps in my mind to figure out if it would work perfectly. XT would always ask me the basic "three"... Do you have a plan, Do you have the means, Do you have the intent. I almost always had the first two for years...the third, well that involved setting things up for my family. I had to make sure everything would be all set for them. Exhaustive planning to take care of them and make it "easy" for them. Seriously, I thought I could make it easy. How crazy is that?

I drove XT NUTS because I wouldn't tell him the place. The place I always went to to contemplate and do "dry runs". I could tell him everything but that.

I have come SUCH a long way. It's been two years since I visited "that" place. It's been a year and a half since I drove around constantly with "the means". I still think, plan, wonder...but I am so much better. I need to keep remembering that.

ha... thanks. It's a sign I have hanging on a tique room screen in my great room.

I haven't truely had the "3" since I was in middle school... my bff at the time and I had a plan and the means and it seemed like the only way out at the time...

I never told that to any of the Ts either.... the plan is still the same...but I have long since got rid of the stash

Thanks for all the good will from everybody. I appreciate it.
Healed, ready, granite and cc
I'm busy looking for a unit to live in.
I was just thinking about how when I was kid my mother used to say she'd send me to orphanage and used to pray that she did because nuns gave such awesome hugs. I may delete this later on.

wow....you have way different nuns there.

I used to watch families at this park near home, and I prayed for the nerve to ask one of them to take my bro and I home. Never had the nerve though.

I have to sign off.
Love and hugs and high fives.
You guys rock my world.
I would take all of your pain away if I could.
(that may be the pain meds talking)

I'm sorry things are the way that they are right now Healed. It sounds like you have a good plan worked out with your T. He sounds wonderful.

When I was in a bad place, my T asked me what my plan was if I had one. When I wouldn't tell him, he called in the County Crisis team to evaluate me. Said he couldn't quite trust that I was okay and wanted a second opinion. Told him I was okay and would never act on it- because of my kids, but he just wouldn't believe me because I wouldn't tell him the ideas in my head. So now, I tell him what I'm thinking and we're all good. The trust is there and he knows where I stand now. But back when that happened, I was ticked off and it took some time for me to trust that he wouldn't call them again (although I know why he did). Plus they had me sign a contract that I would answer my phone when they called me that night, plus attend my next t appt in a few days. They didn't call for 48 hrs! Told my t recently, when my ideations were pretty high, if I would call them if needed, that I wouldn't do so. Can't trust people that won't keep their own word. I did tell him that I would find another helpline or go to the hospital before calling them. I have no out of office contact with him- I'd give anything for it some days.

It seems like in between my sessions I am always wrapped up in some drama that leaves me very anxious and feeling out of control. Sometimes these dramas result from my own pathological thoughts and I ruminate. Sometimes the dramas are situational and I become reactive.
I just told my T yesterday that I wish I could go just once in between sessions without leaning on her for support.(via email)
Of course I ce home and did that I am now stuck inside a very serious family drama. I actually took anti anxiety medication (I usually avoid them like the plague)
So now, here I sit, high anxiety, worrying myself to death about my brother and tons of things that are out of my control and I just can't email my T because.....I'm just a burden...it's one thing after another. I'm so exhausted fro all the drama. I don't know what to do.
Sorry if I should have posted this somewhere else. I just needed an outlet.

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I told the therapist I would never tell her if I had any plan after she asked me. It did not seem to surprise her.

I am about to cancel the therapist for next week. I have a challenging situation to attend to and seeing the woman around challenging situations never goes well for me. The other one I see is away for the month.

You sure Stopdog... don't you have a few days to wait before you have to cancel? maybe the challenging situation will not be so challenging and maybe you will wish you had the appt.