Is it ever okay to date someone from group?

Sorry to post yet another thread. I was just curious about the forum's opinions on a this issue as more of a discussion.

So I have a huge crush on another client in my group therapy sessions. He's so smart, kind, and we have a lot of common interests. I also really think he likes me back... which that alone is amazing to me because I believed so deeply that I'm totally undesirable.

Now, I'm not going to pursue a romantic relationship with him for a bunch of reasons. Not only is it strictly forbidden in my program, but I know that I am not emotionally ready to sustain a healthy relationship with someone and the last thing I need right now is an unhealthy, dependent relationship. I'm just going to hold on to the memories that a guy actually might have liked me back for a rainy day instead of acting on anything. So even though I am not going to do this, I was just curious if you guys think pursuing someone you meet in group therapy is ever appropriate and under what circumstances you think it would be.

I think your decision is the right one. When we meet someone in a group, we are both in vulnerable places, and we are working on individual issues within a group. There are also many parts of ourselves we do not bring to the group. Being in a relationship with someone in the group will inevitably draw your focus away from the group and your purpose for being there. Think of it as kind of transference, to a member vs the t/group leader.
If you were to meet this person after the group is done, and in a different circumstance, it might be okay, but they will not be the person you created in your mind during group (whether you are aware of creating this person or not, you do)---
Right now, it is important to focus on the group rather than distracting yourself with lovely romantic fantasies...your post seems to say you already know that.

No. I wouldn't (and didn't) even after it ended...

I have. I was in a group for 10 years and several of us did, off and on, go out as a subgroup and this one guy and I dated for a little, others did too and the group knew about some/most of the relationships. He and I ended good friends and dating others, etc.

Nope, wouldn't do it. Just can't imagine how it would ever end well.

I would say it's your life and do what you want about you being in group together, but as far as you not being emotionally ready, I'd say no to a relationship (with someone in group, or with anyone at all.) It's never good to go into relationships when you aren't ready.

I wouldn't rule out having a relationship. You never know when you will meet that special person.

Have you not seen "Fight Club"?

Lol I'm going through a similar with a girl from my group, never know what the future holds.

Stay friends, stay in touch, but I wouldn't pursue a relationship until
1. you are both long out of the program and back to living in a reasonably healthy way
and
2. You get to know him well enough that you both know all of each other's issues. Surprises like that in relationships can be bad news (a hidden substance abuse history, a volatile temper etc)

I guess it's not exactly the same as group, but I think it still applies...
The first time I went inpatient, the charge nurse used to tell everyone "whatever you get from here, it should NOT be a best-friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife."

My room-mate my last day there told me she met her ex-husband there when they were both in for detox (but it didn't work out for long.) Guess the nurse was right!

Your life and all, but there are a lot of problems if you have a romantic relationship with someone in group. Friendships? Some therps frown on outside relationships of any kind. But frankly most therps at my group program have no problem with outside friendships. Some work, some don't. Just like any others. But you do take the chance of having some kind of problem in the relationship then trying to deal with being around that person if you want to stay at group. Something to think about.

I have a very good friend that I met in group therapy over 20 years ago, actually lived with her for 20 years and even though she's married now and we both live a Lon way away from each other, we talk nearly every day. Will always care and lived her. All my friends I have were/are from my current group. I found out the hard way that sometimes, even if they appear stable in group, there are usually reasons that you might not be aware of that they are in group for to begin with. And you have to be careful. But I wouldn't change my other friends for all the world. I don't regret the friendship I made with the one that didn't work out. He helped me a lot, and I'll always be grateful, but I just can't be with him so he can focus on getting better.

In the Good Group, out of group contact was forbidden unless one of you left.

In the Bad Group, out of group contact was permitted, but you had to bring it all back to the group. So you could date a group member but you'd have to make a report!

My inpatient personal experience led me to a friendship with a girl who is horse crazy like I am and I enjoy road trips with her and she is the only person I have to ride horses with right now.

But as far as romantic relationships I think it is a bad idea.

When I was in the hospital for five weeks in 2000 after my BF's death I met a guy inhospital who had a son who had committed suicide. The guy was just as nice and polite as anyone ever and he was easy to talk to. We exchanged phone numbers. I thought he and I could maybe support each other's loss of family. That was MY idea but despite telling this guy I was unavailable for a romantic relationship he tried to make it one. Within just a couple weeks after I was discharged he told me he loved me. I told him he couldn't love me because he barely knew me and anyway I was still deeply in love with a dead man.

Then the guy started getting clinging and when I told him I just wanted a casual friend he gave me puppy dog eyes. Our friendship started around November so I did spend about $100 for his Christmas but he went way over that for my gifts. He got me a glass cat with my birthstone collar and a glass hummingbird AND some very nice diamond earrings.

The thing was that though he was a nice guy he wasn't attractive in a relationship way. I kept telling him to give me space to heal from what I had been through in my last relationship but he just got more needy and clinging. I finally had to block his number which I kind of felt bad to do but he was never going to get the relationship he wanted with me.