What was being hugged by your T like?

Never did I get any affection when I was a child. It was a cold, unloving, pain-filled childhood. I remember all of once in my entire life that my mother gave me any sort of affection. I was running from her boyfriend whom I pissed off somehow. I was five and I ran to my mommy who never helped me, but this time she scooped me up in her strong arms and plopped me in her lap, I wrapped my legs and arms around her and buried my facei n her neck, and miraculously she wrapped her arms around me and she rocked me back and forth, soothing me. Asa kept yelling but it felt like a world away, I cared for nothing but the beat of my mom's heart.

I've only felt that love two times, once with my mom, and another time with my therapist. I was in the psych ward and she was about to leave me to go to her other job when I just threw myself on her, she held me for long minutes as she spoke to me about when I'd next see her, I don't remember what she said, I could only focus on how little her body felt against mine, how her hair felt against my cheek, how warm and safe it felt, the lull of her voice sweet and comforting, wrapping me up. She was my security blanket. I can't remember her smell, I remember how cold her hands were, though they were soft and gentle. Her body was small and soft but strong.

I just am amazed she held me for so long, i never wanted it to end, I didn't want to let her go, when she pulled away I didn't let her go at first, she said nothing of it, just stopped pulling away and let me choose when to let go, I felt weird keeping her when she wanted to let go, so after a few I let go, but I will never forget that hug. But how I wish to hug her now but I'm wary of asking her. I enjoy my memories of that hug.

That does seem very special, the ironic thing is that I now know that the Therapist who I had to leave at the end of last year due to a change of Insurance ended up leaving the practice a few months later anyways. However I am now starting to wonder how she told her other clients at the time (which would have been me had I been able to stick around a few more months) and if she waved her no hugging rule or not (I would assume that at least a few of her clients would have wanted to hug her after the last meeting).

I can tell you that I pretty much have a standard hug for no matter who the person is, which lasts for approximately 3 seconds from the time you are fully embraced (I sometimes even count it off in my head) with a fairly tight embrace (although not too tight).

we are hugged many times a week by her and each time it feels safe special protective and special it never ever gets old and we are so thankful we have her ♥

I wasnt ever hugged or touched either (nicely) as a child. T, who has been out of the country for two years now, is the only person over five years old that ever hugs me. That is the hardest thing about her being gone. I desperately miss her hugs. She is soft and warm and has the most healing hugs. I miss sitting next to her with her arm around me too. I miss going for walks while she held my hand. I cant wait til she comes home someday. We still talk on the phone, but its still so hard to not be touched.

I had a therapist who often suggested that we hug. I was always so nervous. I did want to be touched and hugged and held but I sensed something else was behind his hugs. I tried to do the quick hug and release but he would hold on to my wrist so I wouldn't leave and say that he wanted a "real hug" from me. He wanted to know why I didn't hold him tightly enough and for long enough. I will just say that there wasn't any therapy involved in that relationship.

Two years?! Why has she been gone for two years?!

I like that T and I hug at the end of each session, but it doesn't feel like anything special like holding her hand used to feel like. I never used to hug anyone, but that changed in the last 5 years or so. I hug people in RL too now.

The one therapist I saw a long time ago hugged me. It was just a regular hug.

My regular T has never hugged me but when I was filming the Hoarding TV show with TLC they hired a T to work with me on my hoarding. My son and I talked with the T about hoarding and also about my abusive exBF that I shot and killed. We did one brief session "for the camera" sitting outside in our backyard. TLC didn't air any of that but after we had finished filming it the T said that he did not normally hug clients but because of my story of what I had been through he wanted to hug me. I didn't want to be touched/hugged but since he said this in front of the whole TLC film crew I let him hug me so he wouldn't be embarrassed if I refused.

REading this is making me sad NOt in a bad way, but in a way that I'm getting in touch with feelings, yearnings, and confusion. I don't know if I wish my T hugged me. I don't know if I've missed much by his not hugging. It's not the most important part of our relationship, and I trust him very, very much. I can't imagine a hug would make me trust him any more. And maybe a little less A prior T hugged, and I'm not sure what I got from it - or who was comforting who, but I did like it. In the end, it didn't help things, and maybe confused things. Then again, in the end she handled things very weird.
I really want to know the answer to this question, and I don't.

Ironically I had a similar upbringing and always thought I wanted my t to hold me. As it is body psychotherapy she will but part of me can't cope with the closeness and I can have quite an extreme reaction. It's almost as if part of me still thinks I don't deserve it or need it. I too try to occasionally hug people in rl, but I seem to send out a vibe don't touch me even when I don't mean to. I know just what you mean about feeling safe and warm. I hope you find someone to hold onto be it your therapist or someone else. I think I'd certainly have had less problems if this was an option as a child.

re main T---I wanted a hug so badly but when it finally happened for the first time it was scary and overwhelming, like being swallowed by a bear. But later on, it felt great in retrospect and I have since asked for hugs on the rare occasions in which I see him in person. He is gentler about it now.

re: cbt t-----never had a hug--I find him attractive so I'm trying to "stay away" from that urge.

Aw this thread made me cry a bit. For all of you who grew up without cuddles being a usual part of everyday life, and also because it reminded me of how much I used to love snuggling up with my mother. Her cuddles were the absolute best. I wish I could have those days back again.

It makes me sad, too.....thinking about hugging my T sends both sheer terror and longing through me. I sometimes will imagine him letting me put my head on his shoulder and this comforts me. But I tried to imagine him actually hugging me and it made me cry so....idk why

I will say my ex-T hugged me once and it was his idea. He felt the need to comfort me, I guess....but it didn't help. I remember leaving so empty, scared and just alone. It was nice of him, I guess. I think I needed emotional care from him but maybe that was what was lacking...not sure.

My current T is really good and hugging him would mess all that up in my mind. Something bad would happen if he got that close and I don't want anything bad to happen to it.

I don't think i have a single memory of my mom hugging or cuddling with me as a child...I think my grandma hugged me though. My mom might've too but the only memories I have of her as a small child are of me comforting her or doing something to make her feel good/better...

It felt very safe... like even if just for the moment, no one could hurt me. I felt heard and loved, even if I knew the latter wasn't likely the case.

I feel the same way, I only hug people on special occasions

Hugs from my therapist are very safe and a pretty important part of my therapy now. We hug after ever session, sometimes before. I love to sit by her, too. Her physical presence calms me...a lot like a baby and a mother, even though it's an obviously different relationship. But there must be some neural connections re-wiring themselves, or something, because it really helps.

I had no love shown me by my mother when a child. Two of my therps asked if they could hug me and sometimes hold and comfort me and that felt really good. I loved it. I think the world of my therp now, but frankly, I don't know whether she approves of hugging or not. Firstly, I don't know that I would be comfortable doing it because the relationship is more of equals and she doesn't strike me as maternal (she's younger than me). I am comfortable with the no hug thing at the moment.

Good and not expected. I hadn't thought about it being a possibility even; I had assumed my T wouldn't hug me since we had only shaken hands. I'm not a huggy person either. It happened after a difficult but productive session. The T asked me if it was ok to hug me, it was. I've tried not to obsess over it, but I will say I like hugging my T more than I remember ever giving a ***** about hugs. Now I just hope I can stay mature and not pervert these hugs in self-sabotage. I'm looking for more people to hug too.

My T doesn't do the comforting thing at all, so I don't think I would like a hug from her. Which is funny because I feel like all I need right now is a hug from someone...

This sounds so amazing that your T hugged you like this. It sounds very special and loving.

I too don't hug many people,actually I don't usually hug anyone besides kids. I don't usually like anyone touching me but I've been hugging my T after almost every session. Sometimes when its difficult I'll ask her can I please have a hug or I'll ask her if she can sit next to me or if I can hold her hand. I just love it,because I'm not close with anyone like that besides my SO I don't hug anyone on a daily basis. I too feel such warmth and love from my T,sometimes when I'm really low and down and were hugging,I'll also hold onto her a little longer and she'll rub my back. It's comforting and makes me feel loved and appreciated.

I too never got much affection or attention in that category,at least not in the right way,but T and I usually end our session with a hug and a humbling feeling as "I've got you,everything is going to be okay"

Here are some hugs for you, and I agree that I would love to have a Therapist who hugs.

I asked for a hug once (after about 3 years of trying to work up to it). Frankly, it was awful.

I think T's generally not at all a hugger or comforter of any sort. Add to that that I've got "Mommy issues" and would do anything for T to love me, and it's not such a good spot to be in. Still, I really wanted that hug for a long time, and it took a ton of courage to ask.

It so happened that I was just getting to a good place when I asked, and I think she might have thought "Sure, what's the harm?" I could have taken the hug that week and maybe it would have been fine, but when she said OK I got nervous and wanted to think about it more.

So I'm back the next week and decide I want the hug. But I was also in worse place than when she initially agreed. But since she'd already agreed, she went through with it when I asked.

Worst. Hug. Ever.

Maybe it was because I was feeling sensitive and vulnerable. Maybe it was because she was nervous that a hug would activate some Mommy feelings for her in me, or that my past history of abuse would make the hug confusing or that, because we're both lesbians, I'd mistake it for something sexual. Whatever it was, as I told her, she hugged like a super-homophobic guy being forced to hug a gay man. She barely let her hands rest on my back. Even worse, she did it with her ottoman in between us.

Blech.

Heck of it is, it's even more frightening now, but I'd still love a chance at a do-over. Ugh!

2or 3 , nothing wrong w/asking for a do over!!!!!! Wishing you better hugs.

I'm afraid maybe something I need to work on