[Mactastic]

I am in therapy for the first time. It's been about 4 months. I genuinely like and respect my T (actually, too much so, I'm experiencing some crazy transference.)

When I first started, I came in to learn more about myself and be a better person overall. I wanted to become a better decision maker and improve my relationships. I have a tendency to fall too quickly for the significant men in my life and I have a hard time developing female friendships (I am female.)

Four months ago I was more secure. Four months ago I was a bit happier. Four months ago I was sleeping through the night and had a healthy balance between anxiety and healthy stress. All of that has changed. Since I started therapy, I have bad sleep habits (I wake up all night), have become more anxious than usual, and have developed an unhealthy relationship with food (I am eating as little as possible and working out daily.)

I have a session coming up soon and I plan to disclose everything to him once and for all...I've alluded to some things but he doesn't know the full extent.

My question: is it crazy that some people get worse before they get better? What the hell is going on here? Should I admit defeat (from my transference feelings) and find another T? Sometimes I wonder if I will never find this so-called "corrective emotional experience" my T claims I will have if I stick it out.

[archipelago]

I have found this to be my pattern as well, though it does get better but for a time it gets worse because you are stirring things up. This was even true after when after years of therapy, I changed shrinks. It was like starting over, which I really didn't expect at all. Some things I thought I had worked through reemerged because his approach was so different, much more emotional. But I don't worry about it too much. Even when I'm going through stuff, I'm able to function okay. And if not, I take some down time for myself. Hang in there. Therapy with someone you like can really be worthwhile in a whole bunch of ways.

For me too, both times I went through therapy, I got a lot worse before I got better. Hang in there and good luck! I gained a bunch of weight both times, and started having nightmares. In my experience, the weight went away, and the nightmares have lessened.

Welcome to the forum.

[Mactastic]

Thank you so much to Archipelago and My Kids, it's nice to feel validated and welcomed

[CantExplain]

I got worse before I got better.

[Daeva]

Thats what is suppose to happen, the majority of the time people get worse before they get better! You are right on track! Good for you!

[growlycat]

I was way worse before I got better. But it does get better.

I'm in the same boat you are. I wish you luck! And welcome.

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[BobKatt]

This happened to me too. And it is a very good topic to talk about with your T.

[CrimsonBlues]

Hello Mactastic-

It's true that when you begin the healing process it typically means that there will be uncomfortable feelings and even despair as you are dealing with painful things, looking at things head on. I know that I spent a lot of time trying to avoid thinking about all the things that happened to me.

BUT-it is also possible that things getting worse is a sign that you are with the wrong therapist. Also, transference can be extremely upsetting and confusing-that might also be a part of what you are experiencing right now. My best advise to you is to listen to your gut. There will be something inside of you that will know, in the weeks and maybe months ahead, that what you are experiencing is an indication of the healing process or that maybe you are with the wrong therapist. If you continuously feel that you are getting worse-and that goes on for months-I would consider the possibility that it's the particular therapist. I also recommend that you talk to your therapist, if you can, about your concerns. Let them know, all along the way, that you are feeling worse-if it continues. The response from the therapist will be another sign for you to consider-do they listen to your concerns? Do they become defensive or do they seem willing to work through what you are experiencing? I know it might seem like a hard thing to do but it is amazing what our inner instincts are aware of. For me, my instincts had to practically hit me in the head with a brick before I paid attention but my instincts knew I was in a harmful place. I wish you the best of luck on your journey toward healing.

[Rosondo]

Yeah, just discuss your situation and see how it goes. Just because it's gotten worse doesn't mean it will get better. Therapy is complicated so there are no clear path ahead, so you have to keep checking how you're progressing.

As CrimsonBlues says, just see what happens in the next weeks or so, and also see how your therapist reacts to your discussing your worsening situation. Good luck.

[Mactastic]

Crimson, it's interesting you bring up the idea that maybe I have the wrong therapist and that I should listen to my gut. My gut has never told me, not once, to quit. He's very gentle and always available by email midweek if something pops up.

For the last several weeks we've had some pretty in-depth conversations about how much worse I feel. I told him I wasn't sleeping and that I was crying almost daily. He also knows about my transference feelings and we've talked about that as well. The only thing he doesn't know is that I have looked him up on FB. I don't think I have the strength to come clean about that!! Makes me feel like a creeper.

I have a session tonight that I'm both looking forward to and dreading. I emailed him the other day explaining that my transference is worse than he is probably aware of and that we should probably talk about that. I didn't give any details - I want to learn how to say difficult things, if that makes sense. His response brought me some comfort. He told me he's happy to discuss anything I want to, and that if I'm having trouble getting the conversation started he can gently roll the ball for me. He also told me there were ways to make this conversation easier, one of which being to make less eye contact tonight. So weird! Just the day before I was searching this forum for threads about eye contact because it's so hard for me, especially around him. Ugh.

Anyway, it's nice to hear everyone chiming in that getting worse before you get better seems like the norm. I've been on a downward spiral for 3 months and I'm eying the end so desperately.

[Rowancat]

I can so relate, I have been seeing a T for about 6 months and everything is just worse than it was before. I hope things get better for you.