Should I call my therapist or should he call me?

Today my therapist got back from his vacation. I haven't seen him in a month and last time I spoke to him he suggested we talk on the phone today to book a new appointment. It's 4:15pm right now, which means he's probably off work now or within the hour and I haven't heard anything from him. I know I should probably be patient and give him some time since he just got back. I guess I'll have to wait (though I'm a bit impatient since I really just want to get back to therapy). Just wondering who's supposed to call whom? Am I supposed to call him or is he's supposed to call me? What's the protocol? I should add that I pretty much don't dare to call him. Contacting him is scary no matter if it is on the phone or via email. I feel like such a burden and like I'm being annoying so I avoid doing so. But what if he's forgotten about me or something? I know that's stupid but I can't help but worrying anyway.

What do you think?

Thanks.

I would call the therapist if I wanted to talk to them. I think it is possible that with just coming back from being away, time has gotten away or the therapist simply forgot.

My sense of how it works is that you are okay to call first because they are busy and may not have the time to get all of it straightened out right away if they just got back from a long break. You are actually helping by reminding them so I guess I wouldn't feel that it was being a burden but actually trying to be helpful and responsible.

Call him. Call him!

[edited to add: You are not a burden. I promise.]

Typically, I've found that therapists expect the client to call them. So, call him!

You are expected to make the contact.

I really think you should call him. good luck!

Call him this time. The next time he makes a suggestion like this say "Will you call me, or should I call you?" My T usually says, "you call me". I suspect it is because she may be making similar arrangements with several clients while I am only calling one T, so it may be easier for me to remember.

Thanks, guys. I'm really scared of calling people though (stupid social anxiety). What if he's in a session when I'm calling?! I know he wouldn't pick up if he was in a session but it'd be awkward anyway.

If he's in session it's his responsibility to make sure his phone goes to voicemail/an answering machine. Please call. It's a quarter past five so he is probably still there, but maybe not for much longer. And keep us posted?

I am always worried about that too! I usually try to plan my calls for when I know she won't be in session (like 5 to 10 minutes before the hour) or I just ask the receptionist to send me directly to her voicemail. That way, I know the phone won't ring if she's in session, I can leave a message, and T will get back with me.

Call. Don't worry about where he is and what he's doing. That's his problem. If you really want a session this week, make sure you get one. The work that goes into figuring how to get what you need and pushing past your anxiety to make the call is its own therapy.

Can you leave a message with a secretary or voicemail? I have social anxiety and I know how you feel. Whenever I need to call my T, I do it when I think he might not be there to answer. Then I leave a message for him to call me back.

My T sends all calls directly to voice mail during business hours. His main phone has never rung during the 3 years I have seen him. I think his cell phone has buzzed maybe three times.

I hope you're ok, neutrino I should add that I HATE phones. I really dislike making phone calls. But it's possible to make them, when it's important enough. And your T does want to hear from you.

Call him!

Can you text him instead? He suggested that you talk today so yeah I agree make contact with him today

I didn't call. I freaked out. I don't even know what to say. My social skills aren't good enough for this. What should I say when I call?

Besides, what if he really doesn't want to hear from me? I mean, what if he got upset when I told him about the problems we've encountered in therapy (the fact that we're going nowhere etc)? What if he's like "oh dear god, not neutrino again" or something?

Sorry for all the questions. If it seems like I'm freaking out a little bit that's because I am. I just really want everything to go well. I want things to be alright. I don't want to be on my own anymore.

I know. It's ok - you can call tomorrow. Or does he have an answering machine you could call and leave a message for him to call you back? (Not sure if that would be better or not.)

As for what to say.... "Hi, this is Neutrino. We agreed to get in touch when you returned from your holiday, and I'd like to book an appointment with you as soon as possible." Doesn't have to be more than that. You could even write it down on a piece of paper so you don't have to worry about losing the words when you're on the phone with him.

Ok. That's a good idea. I'll write it down and then I'll call him after my exam tomorrow or something. Or at least I'll try. I'm just afraid I'll be bothering him or that I'll call when he in fact doesn't want me to. Wish I didn't care that much.

Call now that office hours are over (or email?) and say:
"Hey T it's Neutrino. I hope you had a nice vacation. I'd like to make an appointment with you this week. I can do all day Wednesday, Thursday afternoon and Friday morning. Let me know what works for you.Thanks."

What? I can't call this late, can I? (It's 7:25pm over here.) Perhaps I could email him, but I'm not even sure I'm allowed to.

Doesn't he have voicemail? Just leave a message. I'm pretty sure he didnt give you his personal number for scheduling appointments. (Do you find it easier to leave messages? I definitely do.)

If he gave you his email or it's on his website or business card then you're totally allowed to use it to schedule appointments.

Of course he wants to hear from you. Most T's leave the ball in your court for scheduling appointments.

I don't know if he's using the same phone for work and personal stuff (really, I have no experience with these things). Perhaps I should email. The email address can be found at his website so perhaps it would be ok to write. Emailing is easier than calling, though I still need to find a way to gather enough courage to do so.

Am I the only one who thinks it's difficult to know what's ok when it comes to basic boundaries like if you're allowed to call or email your therapist? He's never really talked to me about it.