[krisakira]

I have a male T, and he is a DBT therapist because I have BPD, or some kind of form of it anyway. There are actually three DBT T's in the program that I am going through. Two are female, and one is male (my T). My T told me that any time he is unavailable, I could talk to or even see the other two T's. One of them is a leader for a group I go to, so I know her pretty well, and I've at least met the other female T. My problem is that I have been molested when I was 10 years old. It was a one time thing, but I recently started remembering it, and I feel like it has just happened to me all over again. I need to process this, but lately I have been thinking about if it mattered if I see my male T or if it would be more beneficial to see a female T, like my group leader. It is a very personal matter that I've only revealed the fact that "something" happened, and have not gone into details yet. I would like some input on whether or not you guys think it would be different or beneficial to talk to a female T about this instead of my male T... or if it would even make a difference? I am not sure how i feel talking to *anyone* about it, let alone a male. So, one option would be to talk to the female T just for one session about this. That is, if they will let me do that. And another thing is that my T cancelled on me; I was supposed to see him today. So I might call tomorrow and ask if the female T is available to have a session with me this week. Thoughts?

[ThisWayOut]

I'm sorry that you went through that. It can be rough telling someone. The t's gender only matters if you think it does. I personally could not talk I'm much depth about my csa to my male t because I wasn't comfortable talking to a guy about it. I think I have an easier time talking to my female t about it, but it helps that she also specializes in that kinda of stuff. Many people feel the gender thing makes a difference. I think it ultimately comes down to trust and comfort. I was able to talk about some of it with my male t as I got more comfortable with him.

[ready2makenice]

I think it's all about preference and what you're more comfortable with. Some people prefer male T while others prefer female T. Some see T as gender neutral.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you,and that you're having flashbacks of it. I hope you work through this with whomever you choose.

[Daeva]

It's whoever you feel most comfortable with, sharing this info with etc. If you feel okay sharing this with your T, go for it! if you don't, and you'd feel more comfortable with one of the F T's than go for it. Therapy is about you.

[krisakira]

Thanks, I guess I have to decide for myself what I feel comfortable doing.

[Karrebear]

You would probably benefit talking about what happened to you for more than just one session. Its going to take more than that to fully work through a trauma like you experienced. The only way I see it making a difference on who you talked to about it, is if you are more comfortable with one therapist than the other. If you'd rather talk with a female about it, then you switch Both, I imagine, will have the ability to help you but what matters most is the rapport you have with the one you choose.

Like Daeva said...therapy is about YOUR needs

[krisakira]

That's what I worry about. What if I need more sessions to talk about what happened, with the female T? Am I supposed to just ditch the male all together, or be split in half by the two... I really am making progress with the male T.

I think it comes down to personality. I've had a male and female T and I didnt feel comfortable with either...

I have a new male T that I'm really comfortable with... I've told him more in 6 weeks that the other two combined of 2 years

[Favorite Jeans]

I think if you basically feel good about your regular T, that you trust him and like him and feel that you have a good connection, then you should stick with him. Part of what's healing in T is the relationship and juggling different issues with different T's strikes me as a bad idea. It particularly seems like it might be a suboptimal strategy for borderline issues because of the tendency toward idealizing or demonizing people based on how you feel about them at the moment. (How will it be when you're angry with one T and feeling warmly toward the other?) I notice you don't say that you strongly prefer a female T, it just sounds like you're wondering if you should choose one for this. I agree with RTS that it comes down to fit and personality.

[feralkittymom]

I agree with everybody that there's no right or wrong answer here--it's just what feels most comfortable for you. But as Karrebear said, it's probably going to take more than a one time session to work through this. There's also the possibility that it will reflect on other issues you're dealing with in ways you can't predict right now. As Jeans said, unless you have a strong feeling one way or the other, it might be best to give your male T a chance and see how it goes. My T was male, and it was fine when the issue came up (not why I'd chosen to see him). The process of dealing with such a memory can put great demands on trust that aren't evident at the beginning, so if you have a solid trusting relationship with your male T, that can be really helpful.

[anilam]

I agree with others- go with your guts (but be prepared that it probably will take more than one session)
I'm in therapy for CSA and I picked male T (no coddling- or so I thought). I truly think I benefited from it- not all men are the same ect.

[archipelago]

Sorry that you are reliving the experience. I do know what that is like and it is really difficult. Please do anything you can do to feel safety. If that means switching to a female for comfort, then so be it. I have a male therapist and for things even like rape he has been good to talk to. But when it came to an issue of domestic violence, I found that he had difficulties really getting it. So I considered a female trauma expert. He was okay with that. In the end I worked with him instead because when I discussed why I felt that I needed someone who got it better, he came around and started showing more understanding and sensitivity. But it is not all the way processed so I reserve the right to go to a female who might get it more readily.