[skysblue]

Since T self disclosed a tough personal situation she's facing, I feel I can no longer reach out to her when I need to. I've never abused the privilege. I am very respectful of boundaries and would never overdo contacting her out of session.

But, now, I'm trying to get drunk. I haven't had alcohol for decades. I'm depressed. And, normally, I would text T and tell her what's going on. But,now, I can't. Not because she has restricted contact but because her personal life is so challenging now and I don't feel that I have the right to contact her.

I'm even having sui thoughts again. Not serious by any means but my mind is skirting the temptation. I would NEVER follow through - there is no threat but it's just an indication of how I feel.

With T's personal life being so challenging, not only do I feel I've lost my option to contact her now but I also fear her situation contains a risk that she will move out of area or quit her practice. I have no concrete evidence this could happen but it...could...

This 'loss' of T hurts.

(Oh, and I didn't purchase enough alcohol to obtain my objective - I am so ignorant of how it all works.)

[Wren_]

Sky ... i'm not sure what she revealed; but if she hasn't barred you from reaching out then you still have every right (she gave it to you previously) to reach out the way you usually would ...
I really hope you do; it sounds like you need to right now
if she moves out of the area or quits it is still possible she will stay in contact with you

[Rosondo]

That's tough. Not only you have your own problems, now you worry about T, and on top of that this personal situation of your T also affecting your care under her. Sorry to hear this. It would have been nice if she could temporarily refer you to someone else who could be more of help to you especially when you were having difficulties and needed immediate assistance.

I am sorry this has happened.

Can you call a hotline and talk with them?
Or on-line counselor (have to pay though)?

I think the self-disclosure has really impacted your therapy and you need to consider if you can continue. You need to talk with your T at your next session.

However, right now, can you find another person to talk with? Hot-lines will not call the police. I have done on-line counseling and it can be helpful.

[skysblue]

Guys, thanks. I'm not at risk. I just feel lonely that I feel I can't contact her. She never told me not to but I just feel it's selfish on my part to intrude on her now that I know her own serious issue.

[ECHOES]

I'm sorry you are feeling depressed and alone. And sorry too that your T is having challenging personal issues.

Please go ahead and contact her. She is a separate person and she gets to decide what she can deal with. Since she hasn't changed her offer of outside contact, then it is still in place until she does. And I'm sure she will understand you worries.

This is one reason some T's don't self-disclose. It can cause this kind of reaction that includes a fear of the T's capabilities (at this time) and can shift the focus of therapy from the client to the T.

My T has a busy life, travels a lot. Some of the travel I know about, other travel is to visit family in another state. She always lets me know if she is not going to be reachable and is otherwise reachable by phone or email. I email, and if it's a time I know she's busy, or it's a holiday, or traveling, then I try to keep my email as brief as I can. I'm sure though that there have been times she's busy/traveling/etc that I know nothing about so I just have to trust her. I've also asked a zillion times "How much email would be too much?" and the answer is always the same calm and reassuring response: "We can talk about it, if that happens".)

[Wren_]

I know it can feel selfish; but on the other side of things I've had a T dealing with serious stuff who wanted the distraction ... I do know it can be very hard though
still hoping you can let her know what is going on with this Sky

[skysblue]

Echoes, you are right. I just texted T to ask if she has an earlier opening than my appointment on the 4th. She had to take this week off because of her personal issue. I thought just this small question would make me feel connected enough to her. Maybe she'll know I wouldn't be asking the question except that I have a need. She knows me well enough.

Yeah, I really do get why T's hesitate to self-disclose. When she shared her personal situation with me last week, I commented how it would affect her other clients - not realizing it was going to affect me too.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by tigergirl

I know it can feel selfish; but on the other side of things I've had a T dealing with serious stuff who wanted the distraction ... I do know it can be very hard though
still hoping you can let her know what is going on with this Sky

Yeah, she did make a comment last week how coming to work was helpful to her. I just feel like an idiot because I really have nothing to complain about, really and she's facing life & death issues. I feel pathetic.

[learning1]

Originally Posted by skysblue

Yeah, she did make a comment last week how coming to work was helpful to her. I just feel like an idiot because I really have nothing to complain about, really and she's facing life & death issues. I feel pathetic.

It's nice of you reaching out for support here for the moment since you're so worried about your t.

[doyoutrustme]

Originally Posted by skysblue

I just feel like an idiot because I really have nothing to complain about, really and she's facing life & death issues. I feel pathetic.

Sounds like good therapy material.

[Rzay4]

I'm happy you reached out to her. She'll be okay. Did she get back to you?

[skysblue]

Funny how I can go weeks without thinking I need my therapist - that I'm done with tough emotional challenges and then, wham, I get hit. And then, I realize once again, that I think I'll appreciate her help for the rest of my life - maybe on just an occasional basis but still probably a permanent relationship.

Even with me sense that I've 'lost' her to some extent, she still is very important to me.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by doyoutrustme

Sounds like good therapy material.

You're right. But I don't think I'll bring it up yet. I have other issues to process and I'm going to try to forget about her life during my next session on Wednesday. I'm going to try to be the way I'd be if I hadn't learned about her upcoming challenges. I'm going to see if I can accept her doing her job without her personal life interfering. Gonna try... (maybe later I'll bring it up to discuss if I find I'm not successful 'forgetting' about her self-disclosure)

Originally Posted by Rzay4

I'm happy you reached out to her. She'll be okay. Did she get back to you?

Yes, she did.

[skysblue]

Well, it's been 2 weeks since I've seen my T because she wasn't working last week on account of her personal situation. I had decided that I would be a 'good' client and not burden her with any indication that her self-disclosure had affected me. I thought it might be a drag for her to have me inquire about her situation any more or to whine and complain about how it's affected our relationship.

Well, I have to tell you - as I've known all along, my T is a real professional. She began the session by asking me how her disclosure was affecting me. I told her that I had already decided I wasn't going to discuss it with her because I had chosen to be 'good'.
We both laughed at that.

I reminded her that when she did the disclosure I pointed out how difficult it might be for some of her clients and not realizing at the time that it would be tough for me too.

She assured me that she is just as available as ever and that I must not restrict my desire to reach out to her in time of need. She said she will clearly communicate if she cannot be available. When I told her I felt 'barred from reaching out to her', she felt bad for me.

And then when she later learned why I had such a need to contact her last week, she was adamant that I not restrict myself at all under those circumstances.

I feel like my T has returned to me. I am so lucky that she knows what will be problematic for clients. She said she's addressing this issue with all of them and she knows that her current situation could be a rich exploration of emotions for her clients.

Thanks all for your support.