T tied my shoes

I think part of the reason my reaction contrasts with others' opinions so much is because she only did this one single time.

I just don't see the exchange or the act as caring. I see it as a thing the therapist has about untied shoes.

I think I heard the T's statement about it maybe being inappropriate more as rueful, rather than as a serious doubt. A sub-text of "I know how this must look, but it isn't that, so I'm going to do it."

There's quite a bit in the literature about these sorts of benign boundary crossings (not violations) and their positive effects on therapy. And I suspect they are far more common among Ts working with young people in residential settings.

I agree there might be a difference with actual children.
I actually don't see it as a boundary deal from the therapist side unless the therapist violating the client's. I see it as a therapist who had difficulty tolerating how the client was dressed.

My parents were abusive to me emotionally, physically, and I'm starting to believe sexually. They neglected my emotional needs entirely. My father completely ignored me except for physical abuse and maybe CSA. My mother completely ignored all of my emotions and just ran every facet of my life. I was not allowed to be my own person. She did my homework, brushed my teeth, managed my schedule, etc but never supported me emotionally. She didn't trust me to do anything "right" on my own and scream at me if I tried. For example, over the summer, I tried to change a lightbulb and hell broke loose because my mom was convinced I'd break it. I'm 20 years old and live away from them most of the year. I can change a damn lightbulb.

In that sense, perhaps my T was crossing a boundary. I could have interpreted it as she doesn't trust me to tie my own shoes correctly. However, I saw it as an action of caring. She noticed my shoes and was worried I'd trip. She's much shorter than me so reaching my feet is much easier for her than me. lol

T "crosses" minor boundaries a lot. I'm not sure that boundaries are the same for each individual. Many people here say that tying a client's shoes is wrong, and many don't. Maybe it crosses their boundaries and not others.

My T touches me a lot even though she technically isn't supposed to because the program disallows it plus it is generally a bad idea to touch anyone with PTSD. But, she didn't do it right off the bat, she waited for me to feel comfortable with her doing that, and she figured out in what context I would benefit from it. I like it actually. I don't ever receive physical affection. Ever. And getting a mild amount of it really helps me feel cared for. She won't hug me, but she will rub my back. Is her touching me at all a violation of boundaries? By the book, yes. For me, I don't feel violated. Maybe it has negative psychological side effects, but ever since she started doing that, I'm having an easier time feeling her care in between when I see her than I did previously.

Im sorry growly that your parents did not meet your needs. Sending you big hugs you should have never experienced abuse.

Me too! I've been saying that forever. I mean come ON, how can we reply to Hanksters posts with no LOL button?!?!

Well,,, isn't winging it pretty much the nature of doing therapy? I don't know. I haven't followed so many of Growlithing's posts as a lot of people, but I think there always needs to be some warmth in therapy, and seems like Grow has a pretty clear understanding of her reaction to it.

I thought you (SD) came across that way because when you said
"I was curious about why the op would ask what others thought about it if one was not bothered by it." it kind of sounds as if you think she should have been bothered by it, instead of enjoying it, though maybe that's not what you were thinking.

Anyway, as far as the OP goes, the problem of being bothered by it apparently wasn't relevant, so sorry for the little hijack.