T suggested that I take up "frivilous" activities.

That sounds good, unguy!

ANY interest, no matter how impractical, any desire, any motivation is worth exploring and looking at following up on. You need a spark of joy. (As did I, and I'm starting to get it, which is why I'm "okay.")

Edit: and I see you like canoeing. I pm'd you just now before I saw that! Such a coincidence. It's a great activity if you have foot problems.

If you can't play tennis or teach tennis, maybe you can umpire?

Thanks for your suggestion. Since I can no longer play, I find watching tennis to be torture. Also, some umpires are required to stand for long periods and that is something that I cannot do. The umpire in the chair has to work her / his way up the ladder.

I am going to look into taking college or some other courses. Maybe I will pursue a certificate in something or a B.A. or B.S.

Unguy, you have a short list of things to follow up on. You've been trying new things, and that shows some motivation. Good. Now I think you need to try exploring the most promising options on your list. Like poli sci, sports for people with physical disabilities, and optimism options. I have always been a pessimist/cynic/realist, but I have learned a little optimism and creativity recently. It helps to feel a bit better - with rational optimism, not pollyanna optimism. Mainly the idea that each day you can make choices based on plans, and evaluate the results afterwards - and continually adjust your course. It's a lot better than being becalmed and the best way to get somewhere under your own steam rather than hoping for rescue. You can start your social interactions with discussion groups in your area of interest, on the net. When your smile reawakens, you'll be ready for all the social options of your big city.

Recently I got out of a funk that has lasted more than a year since surgery I had. I would like to share with you what helped me: 10 minutes of breath meditation 2-3 times a day for a month. This showed me the patterns of my mind, and increased my ability to focus. Then I had to decide what to focus on and for how long. I cut out some useless things and chose priorities to focus on first in the day. I postponed gulty-pleasure type websites or self-indulgent surfing til after 6 pm. I continue to plan, evaluate, and adjust my direction. Maybe it would work for you, too.

Unfortunately, my funk developed when I was a teenager. I am now in my mid-50's. I have always been a serious person. Having grown up with few toys - mom thought withholding them would prevent me from being spoiled - I never really learned to play well with others. At first the T was trying to get me to be sexual but I told her that was not an option. So she suggested that I take up something frivolous. Maybe therapy really can't help me. So many other T's have failed or given up. I am an incomplete person. Often, I feel that I am less than human because there are so many basic things I don't enjoy and am not good at. My funk has only grown deeper over the years.

It is really hard to set a new course for life when burdened with so many regrets, failings, long history of low mood. I struggle with it too after all these years, maybe not as bad as yours (my mother wasn't a complete selfish twit) but bad, lonely, alienated, all that. I don't think therapy really helps, per se. I think we help ourselves, and therapy can help that. But we have to be committed to helping ourselves. It's hard to get there when you feel hopeless and don't care. I remember that feeling well. Sorry you are there.