Terminated with psychologist I've been seeing since 1998

I'm feeling kind of sad today. I had my final appointment, and picked up my last invoice yesterday, from the psychologist who I've been seeing since I first sought mental health help back in 1998. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Back then I didn't know that I had a drinking problem, I just knew I wasn't coping at work, I had an abusive boss to manage, and my friends were getting tired of me bursting into tears every lunch hour. Of course I had a drinking problem, I just didn't see it as a problem yet. I figured I needed some practical coping skills and that I'd be in therapy 6 months to a year max. Little did I know that was the beginning of ripping my life apart and rebuilding it completely from scratch.

I feel like she's been with me through everything, the good - getting my MBA, my CPA, my travels to Europe, and the bad - 3 psych hospitalization, 7 trips through rehab, job loss, bankruptcy, loosing my place, St. Clare's, finally facing and dealing with my drinking problem and my multiple relapses.

She convinced me to see my first psychiatrist and to try meds. Probably wouldn't be alive without them today. She encouraged me to go inpatient when I really needed it.

She knows me better than anybody, except my very best friend.

I terrified her with my drinking - she was so afraid I'd accidentally kill myself, that's the only area I feel I really let her down in, until I finally got some recovery.

She's been seeing me without my paying for the last 2 years, letting me run up a bill, because I couldn't afford her. But now I'm getting so much free therapy that it doesn't make sense for me to do more therapy, and to continue to run up therapy debt.

I didn't think I'd feel this sad, as I've seen her only sporadically in the past year, as her practice has changed, but it still feels really weird, that I'm not going to have periodic check ins with her.

She wants me to keep in touch with her by email to update her on what I'm doing. But that won't be the same.

It really hit me last night that this phase of our relationship has ended. I was sad all afternoon since my appointment but last night I really started crying and I'm still crying this morning

I feel kind of lost.

splitimage

I'm in complete awe of you because you've come through so much. I think you've found a massive amount of strength inside yourself and when you've had that time to naturally mourn this ending you'll find the way forward. It's great that she wants you to keep in touch. I guess you could do that as much as you wanted. And if there is something that causes a set back and you need a bit more support for a while at some point you'll recognize it together. Be proud of yourself though.

I agree with Daisymay. You have been through a lot. And I know that you had your therapist right there. It must feel like losing part of yourself. That's how it would feel to me anyway.

I too sought out therapy in 1998. I ended my relationship with my shrink in 2008 because we were at an impasse and it couldn't be resolved so I went with the consulting shrink. Even though I know I did the right thing, I still feel sad about my other shrink. And occasionally I give him a call to let him know about news or whatever. Sometimes he calls me back to thank me. It isn't the same but it reminds me that he really did care and still with me in a way.

I'm a bit confused ...

Did you "have" to quit, or did you "choose" to quit?

If you didn't have to and only chose to, maybe she'll let you come back?

If you want to?

It is normal to grieve lost relationships, even with a T. It is normal to cry about it.

Be thankful for the time you had with the T and write down some of the great things you learned. Sadly sometimes, an important part and unavoidable part of life is moving on. This is one of those times.

Yeah I know how you feel, I went through this exact same thing last year when I went on medical assistance and stopped seeing my Therapist after 4 years.

I saw my therapist from 1996-2005 and even though we planned and worked on the termination over a year in advance it was still difficult. It is such a big part of our lives! I spent some time with an online therapist for a couple months (I was retiring, moving after 20+ years, and going on a big trip all the month after termination) just to help with the transition. I hope you continue to do well.