Santa Claus is coming to couch 68!!!!!

Spill it Mast, we are here! No issue is too big or small for the couch.

I just sat in the sauna for a while and got a bit warmed up, at least.

So, today
* I had T, which I already wrote about. I apologised for being unpleasant on Tuesday, which gave T an opening to introduce the subject of how I tend to worry about being unpleasant, to the point where I have imagined that I've pushed away very close friends and lost them forever, which has turned out not to be the case at all. I tried to understand why I do that, but I didn't get very far. But the appointment ended well, as I mentioned, and I felt pretty good when I left.
* I wasted most of the day doing pretty much nothing. I have to do an assignment for a course I am taking, and I am so far behind on it that I don't even dare open the emails I'm getting about. This really stresses me out and still I don't do anything about it. Good move, Mast.
* I got a phonecall from the head of my department, asking if I want to take over as webmaster for the dept. That was pretty nice, to be considered for that. I accepted. It means I won't have as many hours a week meeting with students, which is both good and bad.
* I gave money to a beggar. There are a lot of people from Romania begging in the streets of my home town; they live under really bad conditions and many volunteer organisations are helping as best they can, but it's hard. This woman wanted me to give her more money. She told me about her four children and her heart condition, and how much money she needs for medication. I gave her approximately $25 and she insisted that I should go to an ATM and withdraw some more, so she'd get at least $75, and also some groceries. I felt really uncomfortable. I have so much compared to her, but on the other hand she was clearly lying about some of the things she was telling me. But on the other other hand, when you're destitute, wouldn't you use any means to get yourself out of that? And why do I feel that my integrity is worth so much? I don't know.
* And I'm stressing out about Christmassy things. Have to buy a load of presents, want to make a book to give a friend, need to start putting up decorations. Feeling so inadequate about it all.

I'm glad you guys are around. Thank you.

Squirrel, that teacher is a butt. I can hardly even count on one hand how many syllables the word characteristics has. What is wrong with him?? He is lazy.

I'm so sorry for your loss Artemis.

Wiki-
Mast-

Everyone else a or a handshake or whatever you might need at this moment.

*Possible trigger for eating disorder talk*

Saw my ED T this morning. I'm starting to slip into a relapse. Even I can see that. Two weeks in a row of losing weight. She said normally she would recommend stepping up treatment options to other clients, but she believes I'm strong enough to get through this just with her help first. If not, then we'll talk other options, such as meeting twice a week or even a group once a week. Nice to hear she believes in me, but now I feel so much pressure too. Just hearing that I lost weight last week triggered me. Now I've heard it two weeks in a row. So, I'm going to start writing down my meals again, so that I can be held accountable to her. We're hoping writing it down like I did while in intensive programming this summer might help get me back on track. I have two weeks to try and least stay stable, if not gain. Hoping I can do that.

Meanwhile, I'm feeling quite anxious about a dermatology appt tomorrow. For someone with really bad body issues, going in for an all over mole check, this is quite terrifying to me. But it needs to be done for various reasons or I wouldn't be going right now. Fighting the urge to cancel. Both of my Ts have acknowledged how hard this is going to be, so at least I know I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Plus, the dr I'm seeing knows that I was in an intensive eating disorders program this summer, so I'm hoping that will help in how she handles things.

I'm glad you had a good session, Mast. And good for T for introducing some reality. Congrats on the webmaster role! You were more than generous to the woman. Please don't kept her guilt trip get to you. I hear you on the Christmas stuff. There's always far too much to be done. One of these years I'm going to figure out the secret of letting things go, but this ain't the year!

Wiki, I'm glad your MIL will be visiting. She'll make a nice change from your mother.

I had my last session until Jan 6 today. I was planning on puppies and rainbows, but it didn't work out that way (the best laid plans...). It was really kind of awful. We talked about the rupture. And then we talked about disconnected I feel from pretty much everyone and how lonely that is. And how humiliating it is that I can't even keep the guy I pay to care about me from dozing off. And now I get to stew about that for two and a half weeks. Awesome.

Hugs to Wiki, Mast and Art.
Hello critterlady glad you dropped by.
I just hate it when my T appears to be right. Those funny drowning and dying feelings that I have and he thinks are precursors to mania I fear he is right. At least on Tuesday I have a drs appt.

Squirrel I agree the teacher is an ****. I hope someone sets it right for the poor girl.
I'm just having a quick breakfast and off to help move everyone into town.

I don't see where the teacher did anything wrong. I understand some students getting a little more time, but I believe they should all take the same test. But I also think that sometimes you fail at things.
I do understand my position may be seen as harsh, not politically correct, mean, and so forth. But I think we go way too far in lowering standards.

Is it because of Bush's last kid first policy? I ran into an American who used apologise profusely for that, even though it didn't affect our country. Anyway I think special needs children should be accomodated but don't agree that a class should be held back for them. Over here we stream classes so the more academically inclined kids are all in the same class. I have one daughter who is academically gifted and another daughter who struggles quite a lot.

Mast , congrats on the webmaster postition!
I'm glad T was good and I vaccinate between feeling hated and liked by people so I get what your saying. As for the beggar, "beggars can't be choosers" and she should have been thankful for what you offered as you are under no obligationto offer anything. Christmas is rough, it's like too much to do and never enough time. As for seeing something that is overwhelming such as your assignment and just avoiding the task, I am awesome at this game... Hence I keep buying new clothes instead of sorting out my drawers to truly see what I own... It jut seems like a task of biblical proportion and who doesn't like new underwear and sox's ? Haha
Hang in there Mast , thanks for sharing

Photo this too shall pass and I'm glad your getting the check up.

As for the teacher, kids with disabilities get more time and the school should allow for that for all testing even if it means a one day set of tests becomes a two day venture.

Ok walking into T... ((( barf )))

Not feeling like I have a voice lately.... So many feelings inside so many thoughts in my head yet no way to express it...

Have my younger sons school holiday concert tonight

Art: I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you

Wiki: I'm glad you are trying to keep yourself safe. I'm here for you

CC: thinking of you in session

Squirrel: Teacher sounds like a bully. That poor girl.

Mast: Congrats on the Webmaster position. YAY! Your T sounds great

Critter: Sorry you are left with feelings from your session. I'm here.

Ready: Enjoy the concert.

Photo: I can't read your post once I saw the ED trigger Warning.. But, please accept this hug

Hello everyone.

Hi peeps.

I got home a reasonable time, cleaned my living room and kitchen thoroughly. Half -butt cleaned my bedroom and computer room. Now I just remembered I need to wrap the presents I bought for the kids I nanny for. 2 of everything..equals 8 boxes plus 1 painting set for them to share. 9 boxes.

And this is why I never wanted to teach other than at the college/post-graduate level.
And even in graduate school we have those claiming they deserve accommodations.
I think it is nonsense.
They can either do it or they can't. It is why so many of my students are taking various drugs and why my friends who are parents are constantly trying to get their kid labelled with something so the kid can get some sort of accomodation.
Unless we are talking aboiut the sort of special school children who are not getting the usual sort of diploma. In which in my state, they don't take exams like the non-special ed students.

The accommodation are usually for kids of average intelligence or better who have a learning disability. In Texas they get "504'd" ( americans with disabilities )which is the label that gives them the accommodations based on what hinders their ability to complete task in the same way non 504'd kids do. For instance my youngest is dyslexic so when she was Lin grade school she was 504'd for it. He assignments were on yellow paper so the letters didn't seem as jumbled to her and her spelling tests were given verbally, spelling wasn't counted off on daily assignments etc. In turn she also was pulled out of class each day for 45 minutes to address her dyslexia and assist with assignments involving reading, spelling and writing. It can also he a kid with ADD who is on meds.

Also in Texas she want called special ed. To be in special ed you have to be a child who is not performing to your ability level. So if your IQ is 80 and you do the work that a child with an IQ of 80 should be able to do then your mainstreamed. However if your IQ is 100 and you perform the work of a child who's IQ was 50 , then they consider you special ed.... So you can see where special ed has become a haven for kids who actually need assistance and also those who just have behavior problems and refuse to do their work properly. Most special ed kids are not 504'd.

Lola- how'd T go?

I am back from T.. He heard me cancel my next appointment with him with the receptionist for the 3rd, and he freaked a bit because of what has been going on with me and thought I was canceling to stay away from him. I reminded him that H and I are supposed to be out of town on the day that we were next scheduled. So, he felt better, but still had me schedule earlier. He didn't think waiting until the 10th of January would be great, so he put me in on 12/31... So, I don't have a huge T break like I though I would have over the holidays.

It was a good session, we talked about the flashback that I had earlier this week which lead to most of the session talking about rape/abuse.. kind of a heavy session, but he told me I was doing good work , so I guess that is good.

It went... I heard some hard truths about why he DX'd me like he did and we decided that he cannot help me. He suggested I see a Psychiatrist and go on mood stabilizers with an antidepressant. Then when my job is settled and I know where my future lies regarding my job , W and where I'll live that I seek a DBT therapist and group. Overall I left there angry, a little hurt and generally confused as to why he asked if I wanted an appointment at all.... No worries,I am no worse off now then I was at 4:59. He said I was doing better then he expected. Again I will always wonder why he asked if I wanted an appointment if he knew that there was no way we should work together. Whatever...

Lola- just keep on with your plans, you know what you have to do and you are making plans to do that! And I hope somewhere on that journey you find a T you can work with! Because I know that there has got to be a great one in that big state of yours that will work out well with you..

CC..Healed said it best.

Finally finished my Christmas shopping, not that I had that many gifts to buy.

Hey everyone....doing better. I had to go do the homeless shelter this evening, I almost forgot that it was my Thurs to cook. I feel so stupid for sitting around moping when so many have it so bad. I definitely need to toughen up a bit, sheesh.

Mast...not sure about there, but around here beggars can get too pushy. She was very fortunate to get any money at all from you. This time of year, H and I carry grocery store cards for things like that (to make sure it's for food and it's a grocery store that doesn't sell tobacco or liquor). I know that sounds controlling, but, after all, they can buy cool whip, right?

I am still not done with my shopping, or my baking, or my wrapping, or my cleaning. Grrrr. The holiday is blazing straight towards me, no stopping, ready or not.

Glad to see your spirits lifted Wiki!

CC.... It would have made me angry and confused too...

Wiki..glad your doing better.