Santa Claus is coming to couch 68!!!!!

oh and yet another present found for stop .its got to be a can of my special spritz for those who might be coming on her lawn especially with arms open with intent to hug. sorry but can only spritzes anyone who is within hugging distance peeps are still allowed to stand at hand shake or nuckle bang distance .

Thank you Granite and I hope T doesnt cancel and you can bring your voice to session.
Wiki- Im thinking of you

stopdog, I did not say "I want to cancel" or "I'm cancelling", I said "I think it would be best if I were to cancel", which is different. I didn't actually want to cancel. I have cancelled, once, for a work trip and that was just a matter of informing him that I couldn't come on that date.

RTS, it's good to hear that I am not completely weird and alien, though I don't wish this kind of appt on anybody. I'm not quite sure what happened in there, actually. I told T my cancellation was my Christmas gift to him, and he treated that with mild derision. But I would welcome a break from me, so why wouldn't he?

wikid, thinking of your SIL and sending good thoughts your way.

I need some of that "go" goo in my bag!!

Bye couchies!! I'm on a plane in a couple of hours. Happy Holidays…Merry Christmas…Enjoy!!

Have a good holiday, growlycat!

Im not RTS - but perhaps he doesn't see being in your company and being your T as something negative. Therefore no break needed and definitely not a gift.

Hey guys, I am feeling better today. I havent been sleeping well, but since I'm refusing to take any of my psych meds, thats not really surprising. Though it brings much frustration to my T. I feel motivated to do stuff today, not sure what, but something. I have to fix stuff in the house. I woke up and our cold water is busted, as well as our toilet, so guess who gets that lovely job? Me, since roommate practically ran out of the house at 7 this monring.

I hate winter.

Daeva....question, just curious.... but why would one refuse to take their meds?

Because I hate my meds. And the pdoc I have is a **** and won't change them. My Seroquel I hate the most, it makes me sleep, but he upped the dosage so now I'm sleeping during the day as well and as a college student I can't be sleeping 24/7. He refuses to give me an anti-znxiety med which is what I ****ing need. Seroquel also gives me some other side effects, such as disturbance in speech, and my prozac isn't working anymore.

I have talked to both my T and my pdoc about it, my T can only relay what I tell her to my pdoc, who refuses to change my meds because he knows all apparently. He has no reason, my T is even frustrated with him. Needless to say my T and I are both searching out a new pdoc. What I need is an anti-anxiety, a MILD sleep med and an anti-depressant. Because while seroquel does both those, I can't honestly sleep during the day like I said. Plus the seroquel is just making my depression worse and I think my prozac mg needs to go up. But again--pdoc issues.

-May be Triggering-
The last time I went to the ER I was suicidal but he told me to go home and wait the five days to see my T. He refused to admit me. Two days later I made an attempt. No one found out about it cause I was home alone and didn't go to the ER but when I told my T she was livid and I think talked to my pdoc. (Who does admittance into the psych ward). about it, why he didn't admit me when he saw cuts on my arms, showed him my Suicide letter I had written, told him my plan in detail. My T told me i should have been admitted. We talked it out my T and I, I'm feeling a bit better then before.

Daeva - so why stop all of them? Cant you just go back to your old dose of seroquel - like just take it less often - and just keep taking the prozac and maybe increase it a little yourself? I have heard - dont know if its true - that you cant go on and off these meds; they dont work as well after a break. I have a friend who tries meds for maybe two weeks if that then shes like this doesnt work that doesnt work - im like, how the heck do you know?? Which of course i would never say to her. But her supplements, she is SURE they work. Im like yeah? Really? You know what really works? Not talking to anybody who upsets me. Thats what i say. Also i think the city inspector is coming back in 2014, i better start getting ready!

Things need more than two weeks to work! I've been on these since september and have followed them strictly. Because even on my OLD dosage of Seroquel it was messing my speech up. So I'm cutting that out. I never thought to increase my prozac by myself-thanks! I'll do that. But I am not going back on my seroquel period. Thats out of the option. I know after four months what is working for me. And I'm not putting myself through the seroquel anymore.

My pdoc says the max dose is 80 mg for prozac and lets me increase by 10 mg and see how that works. Ive never had the seroquel or abilify or any of the newer stuff cuz i take a lot of blood pressure stuff and have blood sugar issues, so im kinda limited in trying different things. But once i quit talking to my family, a few months later i stopped taking wellbutrin - it felt like it was trying to unbuzz something that wasnt buzzing anymore - or take me UP a level when nothing was pushing me down. It was very distinct! Still i came off slowly.

I'l just take two of my 20mg then. Why only 80? It can't be that bad. Huh that's weird.

My head feels cold when i start getting too much prozac! Its weird! If youre building back up, then in a few days, you might want to take just one. But i think 40 mg is a more average dose. 20 is kinda low. Im at 30. Ive never been able to tolerate staying at 40. Some people say they take 60 no problem but idk! I love my topamax with it. Makes me feel normal and stopped me from twitching. Am i a prize or what??

Eta: buying prozac in 10's is usually cheaper than 20's.

Hahaha, if my T wouldn't kill me I'd experiment with the drugs to see what would happen with me. Course you are, you're awesome!!

I had a really good session last night with YT (young T)... He said it felt like I was very open with him... I was just talking without thinking first. Also I did bring up something he said last week and asked for clarification which he felt was a step to showing I'm trusting him and invested in the relationship...

He asked me if I thought I mattered to him ( a subject we were talking about )...I said I thought I mattered to him in the same way as any of his clients did... He smiled and said very safe answer. I thought that seemed a stretch....

Thinking of all the Tuesday people... MKAC, Granite...and everyone else I missed.

ok i am back from my card making and need to leave in an hour for T is it pathetic of me to drive to T in this snow .i so don't want to keep being looked at as pathetic to this woman. lat week and the week before was enough .

i was peeking in this santa bag again and found this road map with a note on it . it seems to lead to library .it has the name MAST on it . and in this library has every book she would ever want to read . it has a special section with books all about how wonderful and deserving she is . how she is not a horrible person and many many chapters of all the good she has done for others in this world and the many reasons to be in it to be read over and over again any time you have doubt. and yup they are real books not that abomination they call the kindle or nook

I don't understand nooks and kindles! It's so much more satisfying to turn the pages of a book and see yourself progress through it and the smell!

oh granite, I'm almost crying here. You're so thoughtful and you know exactly what we all want.

Granite- just a suggestion- but did you call or did they contact you to make sure she is there before you slog through snow?

Seriously, Granite. Best Santa ever.