Santa Claus is coming to couch 68!!!!!

My grandmother is the same way as your parents! She tries to be supportive, however she doesn't understand, She use to be a nurse and she would get very upset and frustrated with me. She would go on about how she could help the physical but not the mental. She had a lot of anxiety and had ocd in the past (Still has it it's just changed, she doesn't see that though), so my anxiety would trigger hers, so it was difficult for both of us. She would get so exasperated, I'd be stuck in the house for ten hours doing a compulsion only to get violent in frustration, I have contamination, doubting and checking, and a few other things in OCD. And one time I swear this candle lid wasn't on tight, i got so pissed I threw the candle through the window. Of course that didn't help, I ended up in tears and paying for a new window.

My gram got so fed up with it she told me to 'Knock my bullshi.t off or get out' So I got out.

It can be hard on the family, I hope he can be a bit more patient with you and understanding. Perhaps he's worried about you isolating and getting depressed? I don't know if you have depression but alot of times it comes with anxiety.

Daeva, I'm very sorry to hear how tough it's been/how tough it is for you. Sorry you had to go through all of that. Is your grandmother still upset with you (if I may ask)?

The compulsions my parents get annoyed with are the compulsions I show (a lot of my compulsions are in my head). Things such as putting things in the "right" way, doing something until it feels "right", avoid stepping on certain things etc. They mostly get annoyed with me when we're playing board games and I always have to fix their pieces and put them exactly in the middle of a square (when playing chess for example) or putting cards perfectly straight in perfect lines etc. It might seem really silly to them but I get highly frustrated, annoyed and agitated if I don't fix it.

And yes, I'm depressed. I've been constantly depressed for the past 9 years or so. It's gotten worse the past 4 years or so though. My boyfriend thinks I'm too isolated and distant.

-MAY BE TRIGGERING-
My Grandmother and I are constantly upset with one another, mainly because she is very emotionally and verbally abusive towards me and my Mother-- who frankly I have no sympathy for. I come from an abusive family, both verbally and physically, and sexually. So none of us get along very well. I am particularly angry at all of them as you can imagine. However, i've been trying to construct some semblance of a normal relationship with them. More along the lines of acquataince and friend then family. Lately Grandmother and I have been fighting about my decision to go into a residential facility, her main concern is how embarrassing it's going to be to have a freak granddaughter in a facility. Should have been there the day she found out I had a personality disorder. Anyway sorry--this wasn't really about me!

I also have the one where ti has to be just right and only you can say when it is right. Which is the hard part, and then try to explain that to someone. I know how it is, cause you feel guilty for it, but you also can't help it.

My depression comes and goes too, for about as long as yours, since I was 14. Which is 9 years too. Why has it gotten worse?

Again, sorry to hear you've had to go through all of that. I want you to know I think you're strong and brave for even wanting to keep in touch with your family even though they've been abusive in all different kind of ways. I don't know what I would've done in that kind of situation.

I don't know why my depression has gotten worse. A lot of things have happened since I was a child and the past few years have been very difficult. I guess a lot of the things I've gone through have contributed to my depression getting worse, but I can't really pinpoint the exact cause.

Anyway, I need to leave for my last therapy session before Christmas now and then I need to go to university. I'll be back later today. Have a good day (or night, depending on where you live). Take care!

It's okay, life happens, I always figure if it wasn't me who went through it some other poor soul would have been put in my life and who knows how they would have dealt with it. Ah, my staying in contact has more to do with my BPD and fear of abandonment then anything! But thank you!

I am really sorry so much has happened to you, I hope things get easier for you, if you ever want to talk about anything I'm here. Are you on any meds?

It's nearly 2 am here! So I'm off to bed now! Have a good day.

It is now 3:20 am and I cannot sleep.

Closing the computer helps A Lot. Reduce the stimulation, quiet your thoughts and maybe you'll be able to settle down.

You have fallen asleep playing games?

I've turned my computer off, I laid in bed for a long time, wide awake. I was hoping it would make me tired to come back on here. My mind is a buzz though.

No?

Saw T today won't see him again til the 6th Jan. I'm having those drowning feelings again.

I miss everyone. How will I keep myself entertained for the next 20 days? Ike I need some music.

BPA, long T breaks really suck. Did you have an ok session today? Are you able to contact T during the holiday? (Forgive me if I should know that already.)

Hi Mast, no I can't contact him. Todays session was ok until i mentioned a flashback and he asked me how I felt about what my dad said. Now I can't seem to stop crying.

My dad died when I was 6 and he was the only thing that buffered us from mum.

Oh, what a horribly difficult place to be in after the session.... especially just before a break. I'm so sorry, BPA.

Oh well. I have christmas with the girls so thats something to look forward to.

Thank you Mast for acknowledging me. It does mean a lot.

I'm off to bed anyway. Thanks again Mast. Enjoy your day, evening what evr.

Thanks, BPA. I hope you'll sleep well.

I have mostly frittered away the morning not getting anything done. I need to go into town and buy a couple of Christmas presents, and I need to get some work done as well. Then H and I are going to see the Hobbit 2 tonight. My expectations are not that high, I usually don't like movie adaptations of books, but I hope it will be fun anyway.

sorry I've been MIA...busy stuff. My mom is officially moved in and sleeping at the new place. My d graduates today. I have been crazy busy.

I didn't read the couch or catch up, so sorry if I am missing some huge issues or events in anyone's life. At this point, if I had to catch up I wouldn't have time to post.

It's good to see you, wikid. I'm glad your mom has moved in. Happy graduation day to your D!!

((( BPA ))) - That's such a hard thing to endure. I hope you're able to get some rest. It's difficult to find comfort when the reality of losing someone important to you hits you.

((( Wiki ))) - WOO HOO! SO glad to hear your mom has moved into her new place and is sleeping there. What a relief! Hope you can regain some of your life back now. And congrats to your D!

Had a hard time falling asleep last night. Was contacted by my manager around midnight, turned down the assignment cuz my daughter was asleep on a school night....She then texted me again a half hour later asking if I could relieve the person there if needed after I got my daughter off to school. I agreed. Then, kept tossing and turning for 2-3 hours before falling asleep. Didn't hear back from my manager this morning, so I reached out. Turns out they didn't need me after all. Oh well.

My daughter and I were at each other's throats this morning. Doesn't happen that often, but today we were both not happy with each other. I hate when that happens.

I have a 2-1/2 hour assignment at 12:15 PM today. I think I'm going to spend the next 3 hours trying to sleep. My daughter has her chorus concert tonight. That should be fun.

I got to sleep at 330 only to be awoken by roommate at 730. Yes becuase you need to come into my room and talk on your phone as loud asp ossible WTF?

Wiki...Congratulations to your daughter!!!

I'm glad your mom is all moved in. I hope you will get a chance to take a breath and relax for atleast one day.

****** trigger warning for discussion of CSA

Healed, I also have a male T and mostly feel the way you do - he's a therapist and mostly genderless for my purposes. There was a point, though, when I was having graphic flashbacks of CSA and of my body's reaction to it. I was having an awful time of it and was pretty miserable and chock full of shame about it. I just couldn't bring myself to be specific with T. I finally managed to blurt out something about "my body's damn reaction." He didn't require me to go into more detail than that and assured me that the reaction was part of the flashback and was a normal, physiological response.

From what you've said about your T, I would guess he's not going to require much detail either, so you don't need to say more than you can manage. Remember, twenty seconds of courage. That's all it takes.

Wiki... Yeah for your daughter and your mom moving out! Woot woot!
Morning all, afternoon Mast.
Christmas its the season for depression to strike and those of us with family issues to have it all brought up , I hope everyone has a good day or evening.
Granite, you ok?