Santa Claus is coming to couch 68!!!!!

hi cc yes I am hanging in there ok ,thanks for asking .how are things going for you .pm me if you would like please I am interested and know you need to keep it safe .kay . I just want Christmas over .soon though.

I want it over too Granite.

Disappointing session this morning. Two good sessions in a row is apparently too much to ask for. What the heck is wrong with me?

In what way was it a bad session?

I'm sorry to hear that, neutrino. For whatever it is worth, I had a pattern like that for a fairly long time - several months, at least - where I'd have a very good session and then a fairly awful one. It's changed now, though.

No, seriously, something must be wrong with me. How can I have been in therapy for four months and feel like we've had THREE good sessions in total? Something must be wrong. Maybe it's my attitude or something, but I don't know what I need to change. Also, change is really hard for me.

To answer your question, Daeva: my therapist went back to the same old things he always says. "I think you should just stop doing this compulsion", "I'm not saying it will be easy but I think you should just do it anyway", "what's the problem? Ok, just do this. Problem solved." Etc. I'm probably interpreting everything the wrong way. I don't know. I feel like we're getting nowhere. He always tells me what he thinks I should do but not how to do it (except for things like "just step on everything you categorize as uneven").

Look, I know therapy is difficult and that I will need to work hard but I don't even think we've worked on whatever's preventing me from doing exposures. I'm stuck. It's probably all my fault.

I'm really low right now. Sorry for always ruining the thread.

Don't feel bad, I've been with my T ten months and have had 2 real good sessions. Good as in we got work done.


No I don't think this is your fault, your T's job is to give you strategies on how to stop, and if he is just telling you to stop the compulsion then he isn't helping you the way he should, cause obviously if you could just stop you would. He clearly isn't understanding you. I think you could work really well with a CBT, if you aren't alreayd, perhaps it's time to find a new T? I know it's hard to do but if this one isn't helping you what's the point of continuing on? Have you brought up your frustrations with him?

You don't ruin the thread, we're want to help. I know I do.

But I do feel bad. It's probably all my fault. All of this (and I need to say this in order for whoever reads this to fully understand what all of this is doing to me) is really triggering my OCD. One of my biggest intrusive thoughts is that I'm a liar (though I'm pretty much one of the most honest people you'll ever meet). That I lie and fake and exaggerate my mental illnesses in order to get attention and that I've managed to trick myself into believing I'm mentally ill when I'm not. What if the reason I'm not going through with exposures is that I'm just faking everything? Or what if I want to feel this way?

This is CBT.

I've brought up my frustrations, yes. Just before my therapist went on vacation I asked him if it would be ok if I sent him an email with some things I thought we needed to discuss. He said that was ok. In that email I wrote exactly what I think about our sessions so far and the problems I think we've encountered. I wasn't rude in any way and he told me he didn't get upset with me. Anyway, we've barely discussed the email and now it feels like we're right back where we were before his vacation.

EDIT: I really hope I don't sound rude or anything when writing all of this. I'm not doing great right now but I really don't mean to take it out on any of you. I just need to vent and I need some support.

I agree with Daeva - you're not ruining the thread. You're bringing your frustrations here in a very articulate manner and allowing us to give some input. It's what this place is here for.

Maybe you should try to find another T. I know it's not that easy, and I know you want things to work with this T because he is sometimes good. I just wish he wasn't so inconsistent. All that stuff about how you just need to change doesn't sound very helpful at all. Even if it's your interpretation, there is something in his presentation that makes you interpret what he says that way.

You don't want to feel this way, if you did you wouldn't see a problem with it, and you wouldn't go to therapy. You're not faking or lying. You are just scared to go through with exposures, my T and I had to stop because it was too much for me. It's normal to struggle with that.

To me he seems very invalidating, and isn't helpful, if he sees you cant' do exposures yet he needs to try something else, etc. How can you trust him and his help if he's invalidating you by saying just don't do it, etc? You can't. So it's no wonder you are struggling.

I agree with Mast, I think it may be time for a new T

You don't sound rude at all. We're here

Thank you. I just feel like I'm annoying. All. The. Time.

Mastodon, I don't know how to find another therapist. Ok, I guess I know how to find another therapist but I don't even know if I should. Even if I decided to terminate with this therapist to find a new one I have no idea how I would muster up enough courage to do so. I'm scared and I'm not exactly assertive. I'm terrified of what my therapist would think and I'm terrified of contacting the people I should contact about this. I don't know what to do. What should it feel like to find a good therapist anyway? How do you know when you've found a good one? Maybe mine is good only I'm ruining therapy for myself?

But what if I do though? What if I just want to feel this way and I'm scared of changing because maybe people would abandon me and stop trying to understand me if I got better? What if I'm faking (now I'm really stuck, sorry about that)?

I sort of feel a bit invalidated. Or belittled. But then again, what if I'm just making everything seem much worse than it is? What if I'm actually well and I'm just faking?

(I need to go cook some food so that I've got something to bring for lunch tomorrow. I'll be back as soon as I'm done.)

Nope, I don't think for a second that you're faking. And I know exactly what you mean when you say

I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, I was seeing a therapist who was not a good fit for me, but I wasn't sure whether it was her or me or what the problem really was, except that I knew I was ruining things. When I met with my current T, I knew he was a good one. I just felt that I would be able to trust him, and that he would be able to "get" me.

I have to leave now, I'm catching a bus in a few minutes. I won't be back home until late tonight. I do have some thoughts about what you might do, including a couple of specific places you could try (I'll PM you about those.) But I might not be able to get back online until tomorrow.

There are no what ifs. How you feel is how you feel. There's no faking your own feelings, maybe to others you can say your'e fine but you're not. But inside you know you're not. Trust how you feel, you feel anxious and you feel stuck in this cycle of OCD. You feel invalidated--and to an outside opinion you were. I know you're scared to let go, I think maybe a part of this what if thing is if you accept that perhaps it isn't your fault you'll realize that you don't have as much control over it as you thought you did.

I really wish I was as sure as you are. All I know is I would never fake on purpose. Never.

So what did you do when you decided to terminate with that therapist? And yes, please PM me when you've got time. I'd appreciate that. Thanks.

What is good therapy supposed to be like? I don't know what it's supposed to be like. Perhaps this is all exactly the way it should be. That would suck though. Anyway, trusting how I feel is very difficult. I doubt myself. All the time.

I think I feel a bit hopeless.

I have so so so much work that I really need to concentrate on, but I just wanted to bump in and say... I so know this feeling. I don't have OCD but I do still sometimes fight the nagging feeling that I am making everything up. My T has helped me a lot with that. One thing that has been helpful is that for him, especially early on, the absolute truth was less important to him than my subjective truth. If I had a problem reconciling reality with my subjective truth, that would be one thing, but turns out I'm lying to myself a lot less than I thought I was. The "you're a liar" voice is one I internalized -- it's not really mine.

It did take a long time before I clicked with my T, but at the same time, one way I know when things aren't working out is when my worst habits start coming out in full force again. I'm sorry you're in the midst of that now.

I kind of wonder if the CBT style is really helpful for you. I went through the process of finding a new T last year, and it was very hard but worthwhile. If you can, do it while you are still seeing this T. You don't have to tell him you are T-shopping. Might be nice to try people with different therapeutic philosophies. For instance, I knew I didn't want a T who made *too* many suggestions. I also wanted a T who knew that managing my depression may be an open-ended problem that lasts for as long as I have the time and money for therapy, and that I might not be able to just "solve" it. Think about what's important to you. I know it's terrifying but you can do it . PM if you wanna talk -- I'll check my messages .

so who wants what gift for Christmas ??? just a fun question. im going on a scrapbooking retreat that hubby is paying for and I also want a cricut expression cutting machine for my crafting

Granite-those are fun gifts.

I want things I need. My clothes are old and dingy. I need new shoes. Money for a haircut. All things I can't afford to buy.

Thank you, SallyBrown. My therapist and I talked a little bit about my fear of being a liar when I first started therapy but not really anymore and I don't think we came to any conclusions.

If this is what CBT is like then you might be right in thinking that perhaps CBT isn't helpful for me. I sort of feel bad for even thinking about giving up on CBT though. However, what I really want (not sure it's what I need but it's what I'd really like) is to talk to someone about all the things that have led up to where I am today and discuss why things turned out the way they turned out. I want to understand myself and why things are the way they are (that might be an obsession caused by OCD though, I don't know). I want to explore why I'm so afraid of changing and why I function the way I do and then I'd like to try exposures etc. Right now I feel like I'm nowhere near ready for exposures since I'm even afraid of who I might become when/if getting better. Do you know what I mean? It's a bit difficult to explain.

I'm not sure about that.

what I would give to jersey from Santa's bag stability of husbands job and health insurance . oh and just the perfect words to say to T when needed

to daeve I would give for Christmas out of Santa's bag.all the coolest toys because we all know in the end whoever has the coolest toys wins .right and what is strength when you have all the cool toys. bat man would way win over superman but fready rocks

I do. This is what my therapy is like . I see someone who takes a pretty psychoanalytic stance on a lot of things, and takes a great deal of interest in my past and my childhood, but psychodynamic therapists will also be interested in how your past informs your present.

For instance, I know one reason I tend to think I'm lying is that my parents did, and it's really confusing to have your parents tell you you shouldn't be feeling the way you are when you're little and think your parents must be right.

ETA: If there's anything I've gotten from therapy, I'd say it's knowing myself very well. That has been invaluable in helping me take care of myself. It makes all the difference in the world to be able to separate bad behaviors that I need to change from elements of my own mental illness that I have to learn to work with.

so stop i found in Santa's bag bunches of bubble wrap . back away from the power tools tools and things that trip you . oh and it is a great barrier from those nasty unwanted hugs )(

to sally a guarantee that her baby brown will have a beautiful and fulfilling life with all the happiness it deserves oh and i think some bubble wrap for the teen years also