Santa Claus is coming to couch 68!!!!!

I hope your daughter feels better soon! That poor little one

(((Healed)))

Can I rant guys? I need some peoples

Just wanted to stop by and say hello.

What wonderful presents! Thanks!

That IS what regular people do.

Hi EnlightenMe!

May I ask why you were so reluctant to try medication?

I know I'm a bit late but of course. Go ahead. I can't promise I've got anything good to say but I promise I'll read/listen.

I feel so selfish posting this, like I am profiting off of someone else's pain and I'm sorry if I come off that way, I hope no one thinks that way of me. However one of my closest friends on here and I have began chatting in email anyway I have this habit of when I get close to people i began to have panic attacks when they go out or whatever, I feel like they may get in a car crash or somehow die, so it's beginning with her, and I was explaining to her how this happened with my T, and I described in graphic detail one of my worst nightmares, where my T's car flipped and I saw her dead bloody broken body dangling lifelessly.

Then she mentioned the thread on here about that poor man who's T died this last week. And I read it after he got the update, and it really was just bad timing, she apologized, realizing after it was NOT a good idea. But it triggered me horribly as you can imagine, I went into a panic attack, and then I began freaking out about it could have been my T, how would I know if my T died? All those nightmares came back, I was shaking for a while, I cried a bit, I had to force myself to meditate for twenty minutes, but that didn't make the anxiety go away, and my mood just darkened.

Then I was triggered but in a positive way, by growlithings (Sp?) post about being heartbroken, cause they so eloquently posted how I felt about my C, and about my own mommy issues, she made me realize a few things about myself and what not, and I'm thankful for that.

It's just been a really bad night and i'm afraid to sleep cause I know I'll go into a nightmare. every time I close my eyes I see my T dead. It's like a premonition and I'm scared. It sounds stupid.

I'm sorry to hear you're not doing that well right now. I wish there was anything I could do to make you feel better (especially now that you've written a lot of good things when I've been upset) but unfortunately I don't really have any advice to give. I'm not sure how to best deal with a situation like that. Have you tried distracting yourself by reading, drawing, watching a movie or something? Perhaps that could help? Anyway, I don't think what you wrote sounds stupid.

I hope you'll manage to get some sleep, Daeva, and that things will be better for you tomorrow.

I was afraid it would permanently change my brain to want more more more like cocaine does - it was the '80's, you know. I didnt have any other model for how it would work. But my psychiatrist said that prozac by the time i started had been around a long time and was fairly safe. I felt i noticed a difference the first day, but he said that was impossible. A person here on pc said it may have treated something i wasnt diagnosed for. I was just glad that it seemed to stop the chattering in my head: do this! do that! I have been on for over ten years now.

Any other questions just ask.

@Daeva: There was a period where I was afraid Madame T might die. It's a phase of attachment, I guess. Perhaps part of growing up.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I just had the most frustrating T session. I pretty much reverted to obnoxious teenager stage, except that I was never this obnoxious as a teenager. I even tried to cancel my Thursday appointment to show T that I don't care if I ever see him again. Which is patently not true. (And he didn't accept my cancellation.)
Gah. Gaaaah.

snow will probably cancel my session today. oh well so goes things in my likfe these days

(((granite))) maybe not. My santa bag has the most incredible T session in it for you...it comes with a voice for you.

(((mast))) it will be okay.

Back to mom's apartment. So tired. All I want to do is sleep, but I know I have to finish up there to be able to actually rest.
My sis-in-law (one of my favorite people who is more like a sis to me than any of my sisters) has a major surgery today. She is having a kidney removed. Please send her happy thoughts or prayers or whatever.

Thinking of your SIL today, wiki.. I hope you get some rest as well!

oh oh oh i know there are a few things in my santa bag for you wiki .i think in this box is a long healthy life free of pain and with lots of clarity ,no messy confusing thoughts . what else could there be for someone who always gives of themselves so much to the homeless and needy .animals included but a clone of you. to be there to treat you as wonderfully as you deserve to be treated and as you treat others . because you are one of a kind and the world needs more of you . oh and if you have a clone just maybe you can get some well deserved rest and pampering . oh wait there's more i believe these may be chia seeds completely blended as to cause no problems and i do believe in vodka

so many prayers heading your way for your SIL .

oh my goodness i so need to deliver this present because this bag is getting so so heavy . this washing machine and dryer can only belong to squirrel. oh and a big overstuffed chair to just sit down for a bit.you need to slow down sometimes and take care of yourself for a bit .and breathe

i need to shower and hope this snow holds out so i can get to my card class and distract from my T i might have later. i hope all are safe and have a good day be back later

omg this santa bag it moving all over with this voice yelling its time to let me out dude. WHAT!!! its the tin man with a santa hat on and he has his new heart on his sleeve and an oil can in the other. this has got to be for CC. he wants to share his heart because you DO deserve lots of love and to be loved .and it isn't a bad thing at all to want that . you give out massive amounts it is time to get some back and the oil can is to help when you get stuck especially in a bad spot. yes and this corner bar stool at hooters no questions asked

Oh Mast...... I've had that same type of appt... For me it was fighting the connection/feeling of being dependent... I THINK I "love" (in a t way) your T....how wonderful that he wouldnt accept your cancellation... Be kind to yourself and journal about all of those feelings...it is such a good learning experience IMO......

ALSO if you need to email your T and he doesnt mind just do it instead of prolonging your agony....

(Of course thats just my opinion based on my experience....)

Thanks, granite. You're right I am always on the go and rarely give myself "me" time. I really need to work on that.

got to get ready to go i promise santas bag is far from empty

Wikid- I hope the surgery goes well.

Mast- how does a therapist not accept a cancellation? I am just curious. And were you okay with the therapist telling you you could not cancel?
I would simply not go.