Santa Claus is coming to couch 68!!!!!

Thanks, I hope so. I do't need a bad report going back to my T, since they do talk about me, not about everything just about this situation. So hopefully I'll get a good report for my T's sake if not my own.

I just got my grades back, I knew it was going to be disasterous this semester, I usually get straights A's and have a 3.9 gpa, however it's now a 3.04, I got one A in developmental psych, a D in computer Apps, an F in History, and a C in Diversity in America. However, Next semester I shall do better, I need a 3.2 or better to get into UAlbany. So yay, next semester I'm re-taking abnormal psych, social psych, Mental health Services, English 2 and taking ASL

Granite...I dont see it as complaining...you are sharing your fears and self doubt.... Its completely normal to go through that.... Its hard to do something new....

I have your card hanging in my cube at work...so I know first hand that you are good at it... maybe it would help if you just thought of what you would do if you were sending cards to your most important people in your life and then I'm sure they will be beatiful

good luck daeva with your interview....

Thanks

Good luck Daeva...

Granite, I like what Ready said...can you just pick a person you are making the card for instead of a generic card? Someone you love and care for, whom you get excited making a card for? Make a v day card for your son, or your hubby....or me!! (lol)

I want a pretend care made for me too Granite!

SD... yes he said that he felt it better that I see someone closer to my house, but I knew that and had already expressed my thoughts on that. Again no idea why I even went or what I was supposed to gain from it...almost like he just wanted to check on me. It didn't cost me anything as the clinic said I had a credit so it was a FREE waste of time

Good Luck Daeva

Have fun rollin naked Wiki! I don't have a car either, mine is in the shop getting the repair work I had done a year ago repaired.... uggg If Insurance doensn't hold the original repair place accountable then I have to pay 500 bucks! Merry Christmas to me I get a fixed truck!

At least it was free.

I'm almost a bit ashamed about writing this post. I guess the situation I'm going to write about might seem utterly silly and rather ridiculous to some (or many) people but the way I'm reacting right now is a serious problem I have. Thinking the way I'm thinking right now often contributes to a lot of anxiety. The point is the situation I'm going to write about is serious to me. Perhaps not to others, but to me it is and I need to get this off my chest. I don't really expect any support though, since this so silly.

I just found out that I passed biochemistry. I got to know the result about an hour ago. I passed it. It would've been nice to come here and share some good news for once and if I wasn't such a bloody perfectionist passing biochemistry would be great news. I was one point from getting an A (well, the Swedish equivalent of an A). One point. Now, instead of being happy about passing (for a while I was worried that I wouldn't pass so I should be happy) and proud of almost getting an A, I'm beating myself up for not being good enough.

I reckon you have to be pretty good at what you do and you have to get good grades to be able to get a good job in biomedicine and right now I'm not good enough. I feel that way even though I've passed all classes so far this semester (and this is my first semester at university). I'm scared that not doing better will lead to me not being able to do what I want in the future (I'm catastrophizing right now, I know that). I have goals and dreams and I'll do everything I can to reach those. What if "just" passing isn't enough to get me where I want?

Like I said, this might seem really silly and I'm sorry about that but my perfectionism (OCD) in combination with low self-esteem makes me feel worthless. I'm sitting here with this painful feeling in the pit of my stomach and with a general feeling of inadequacy hanging over me.

Pathetic.

neutrino, in the states employers don't look at the grades , they look at the degree and overall grade point average. I am not trying to minimize how you feel about what you are seeing as failure, I understand the perfectionism behind it. But if you could look at it from a different angle , as its happened, you have the grade you have and there is no going back and changing it. And looking forward the letter equivalent of the point system is irrelevant if only 1 point took you from B to A. it would only truly effect your future if that 1 point took you from Pass to Fail. You may not be happy with it, but you can live with it, right? And no need to beat yourself up or belittle your issues based on how you think others will feel about it... no issue is too big or small here. We can't compare issues as apples to apples as things effect all of us differently.

Neutrino, here in america we have a joke - what do you call a doctor who graduates at the bottom of his medical school class?

Answer - Doctor!

Not to minimize your feelings. When i was in graduate school, i got my first C EVER, and since C's are not acceptable in graduate school, it was also my first D and E. I didnt know whether to cry or celebrate (who's bipolar?!). All i can say is, your entire future probably does not rest on that one point. That might be catastrophizing, and that would be one of the cognitive distortions listed in the stickies at the top of the psychotherapy forum, so maybe look at that? and dont i sound sensible?? Who took over hanksters phone??!

People leave you but you also leave people. Sometimes by choice and sometimes through circumstance in both situations.

CC Bloom & hankster: you're both right. I know that and I feel quite pathetic for feeling this way. I can't help but feeling really stupid though. The past year or so I've started to think I'm pretty unintelligent though I sort of know I'm not (I hope that doesn't sound arrogant) and during the past few years my perfectionism has gotten quite bad. I've been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember but now it's at a point where I feel like I don't deserve to live if I don't achieve and I for example get stuck rereading and editing assignments for hours because I'm so afraid of failing. I'm scared of ending up doing something (working I mean) I don't find interesting or stimulating or fun.

Oh neutrino, I do understand that feeling. I have missed the top grade by a very small margin. And I have marked many exams where the student just missed a VG, too. Here is something I know, which is maybe not obvious: the cut-off points for VG, G, and U are to some extent arbitrary. Or not arbitrary, exactly, but when I taught English grammar we'd sometimes set the VG point at 75%, and sometimes at 80%, depending on how difficult the exam was. (Well, I say "we" - I was never involved in making that decision but it was the way it worked.) and the number of points you get for each exam question can also be just slightly arbitrary. What I mean is that a question could be worth 5 or 6 points, perhaps, and if it had been worth 6 points you would have gotten that extra point in the total. Of course exams should be as objective as possible, and they are, but it is impossible not to get just the tiniest bit of subjectivity in.

Now, you did get a G, and that's what matters. You don't get rejected to higher levels because you didn't get a VG - not unless you study law, anyway. I know the disapointment and don't mean to invalidate or minimise it. I just hope you can recognise the accomplishment it is to have passed this exam.

P.S. I got a G, and not a strong one, on my academic writing exam, my first semester as an undergrad in English. It's ALL ARBITRARY, I tell you.

SD....thanks

difference is I miss people and no one notices when I leave... Just my experience so far in life...(not a sympathy seeking ploy)

OK so first, let me add to the pile and say that grades don't matter anywhere near as much for graduate school as they do for college or medical school. What will matter is your getting a research position, and working for/with someone who is well-connected and will pick up the phone to help you get into grad school. At least in the US, getting into a PhD program is much, much more like getting a job than getting into school.

Second, I can see why you'd be disappointed. It would be different if you had solidly passed, but not quite made the "A". Being *so close* is extremely frustrating, and it almost makes you feel that "not-A" even more than you would if there was really probably no way you could have gotten an A short of not sleeping.

Finally, I got a B+ in biochemistry . And at my university, they don't factor the "plus" into the grade point average, so its effect on my GPA was the same as that of a B- (don't ask why they do that, I have no idea). It was ages ago. I did ok in the end . Where I'm at right now has basically nothing to do with how I did in that class. Although I will say I sometimes regret not trying meds sooner, because I think I'd have done better if I had tried them back then. And that's not to say I would have!! Or that you would have. That's just really all I ever think about it now.

I'm really sorry, I'm sure the one point off feels like getting the middle finger (I know my B+ did) -- let yourself be upset about it, but don't think it's the end of your career... it definitely isn't.

RTS - I don't know if there was a post here that I missed, but I think it's really hard to know whether other people actually do notice, or not. And it can be easy to see signs that they don't notice, or don't care, while the signs that they care can be easy to miss. I'm speaking from my own experience here, you understand.

I think you are thoughtful, caring, funny, and a good person to (virtually) be around. You see people's posts, and respond to them. And you have given me a lot of good insights with your posts. Just so you know.

This is a really common experience at university level, but often, people are afraid to talk openly about it. But trust me. It's a very common feeling. You're among people who used to be among the best... now only some of you will continue to be the best. It's scary and it's easy to doubt yourself in this new paradigm of what it is to be "perfect". Take comfort that MANY people feel the way you're feeling, even if they don't say so. I know I did. College made me feel really stupid.

Do you get to spend much time away from school? I used to visit parts of my city that were nowhere near my university campus, just to be among normal people living their normal lives. Sometimes that was helpful for me, to just get away from that environment where I felt worthless if I couldn't reconstruct the glycolysis pathway from memory.

RTS - how do you know people don't miss you or notice when you are gone?

One of my favorite lines - i mean it just really stuck with me - is when Charlie Brown says hey im back from camp and Lucy goes, oh were you gone? Oooouuuucccchhh.

RTS I miss you when your gone. I see you.

GUESS WHAT?!? omg...OMG OMG OMG GUYS.

I went to my interview and usually the rule is they will call you if they can take you on later. HOWEVER I GOT A BED IN THE FACILITY, I GOT TO CHOOSE MY BEDROOM I'M MOVING IN ON MONDAAAY

CONGRATULATIONS!!

So I won't be rejected when applying for a master's program (or when I want to get a PhD) based on my grades as an undergrad?

Just out of curiosity, what do you think when a student, whose exam you're grading, just misses a VG? Do you think "oh, that's too bad" or something? Do teachers/lecturers care about a student's grade except for whether or not the student has passed? Just curious.

Yep. I was thinking that too. It wouldn't have felt as bad. I missed getting an A by 3.5 points on my last exam which was a bummer too but not as bad as this one. It's frustrating. I keep trying to figure out what I can do to get better and what I can do to be perfect. Any advice?

Yeah, sometimes I wonder if medication would make a difference. Perhaps I'd be able to focus a lot better or perhaps I'd just be less anxious about failing. I don't know. I'm too scared to try though. May I ask how the medication affected your time at university? Or did you start them when you were done?

The stupid thing is that if a friend of mine would tell me he/she got the same grade I got on this exam I'd tell him/her that it's a good grade (and I'd mean it) and that he/she should be really happy that he/she passed. I mean, almost 50 % of the people in my class failed the exam so he/she should really be proud he/she did well. However, for some reason I just don't hold myself to the same standards and expectations. I'm very hard on myself. I know that and yet I can't stop it.

Daeva,

Congratulations. I'm so happy for you...

Neutrino- Perhaps the grade of an A is not the root issue, achieving perfection may go much deeper with you and this is why you hold yourself at a higher standard then others. I hope everyone is helping you with their insights.

Congrats Daeva.

RTS :