Attached to T but she's not helping

I really need some support. I adore my T of 2.5 years. She's very warm and kind and affectionate. I feel that she hears me and is very supportive. Her schedule is pretty open and I can get an extra appointment if needed. She returns phone calls quickly. There are so many great things about her. However, I feel like she is no longer able to provide me help. I need specific tools on how to deal with my depression, which I'm not getting. I've discussed my feelings about this with her and she has tried a few new things but nothing is working. Recently we've had a rupture and it has made me re-evaluate the effectiveness (or lack of) of therapy. But I'm so torn about leaving her to find another T. My gut says go but my heart says stay. It's breaking my heart to think of leaving her. I'm afraid I won't find someone as warms as she is. If it comes to choosing between warmth/affection over competence I'm leaning toward warmth. I need that support so badly. Does anyone have any words of wisdom? Thanks so much in advance!

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deep down u know the answer already. my ex.t was the most caring i ever had (2h of therapy, emails, texts) but she wasnt helping. it was tough to leave but i needed someone to actually do something for me. u need the same

Warmth is valuable, rapport, attunement, a strong relationship- those are all healing things, some research shows the relationship is actually the main thing, but of course, I hear you saying you need more.

I needed more from my therapist too. Took me months of on and off asking, and wasn't until a rupture she "saw the light" and realized what I needed. Do you have hope your therapist might still get it? Have you talked about using specific styles of therapy to help you out of the depression? Therapists should ideally have a variety of tools and techniques in their repertoire, can you two keep trying together, have you tried the other things long enough? Just something to ponder. Is she incompetent, or is it just a matter of needing to try another approach? Have you made progress or worked on other issues, or has it been a constant focus on depression and no progress at all for the 2.5 years? It's not like there's a one size fits all treatment... so...without knowing more it seems might there may still be room to get what you need with her.

Good luck! Sounds frustrating.

Have you told your T what specific tools you think will help? I think the relationship is so important so I understand how hard this is. But if you're aware she's not effective then you may not have a choice.

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My T's not a tool giver. Because she knows they're rubbish. Only keep going and working through the bomb site that was my internal life is the only option. Yes I still get depressed. But it's manageable. I accept it and use it now to look inside.
Google tools for depression if you must. They're are there. But use therapy for talking about how you feel. That's the best tool there is.
Depression doesn't scare nor stop me now.

Have you considered adding in an adjucnt T specifically a DBT/CBT T? I know my T isn't a tool giver either, as we do talk therapy. Because of that T had me add in a DBT T so I could learn specific tools to help me through the triggers and stuff that come up as we talk. It's been quite helpful!

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Some of the things she has said lately seems to border on incompetance. As I sit there in session debating whether to stay or go she'll say something that makes me think "WTF, are you kidding me?" that tells me to leave. But then her warmth and caring comes out and I feel compelled to stay. I see little to no improvement over the 2.5 years. When I've asked her what improvements she has seen in me she can't come up with much. This is just breaking my heart.

We've tried a couple of different approaches and nothing is working. I haven't felt like I've really made any progress with the exception of letting my walls down to let her in and to feel her caring. I really just think she doesn't have the capability of helping me, despite her best efforts and intention.

How did you get the strength to leave? I admire you for that.