The morality issue for T's

I have a very strong religious faith and would not like a T who did not share those same beliefs or at least understand and appreciate how important they are to me. I have questioned both my most recent T's on that point before agreeing to go into T with them. Both were Christian women with a strong faith as well. Though we do not do "Christian counseling" as it were, it helps to know that we are both coming from the same place when it comes to certain issues. In fact, my last T, because she understood this about me, recommended spiritual direction at a local retreat center. I have attended several events there and found them most helpful. I am very grateful she referred me. If there is a real disconnect between you and your current T and it is causing issues with your T then perhaps you should consider changing.

We actually do christian counseling for the most part since we are still very similar in our beliefs. I do envy you though, having a T that is completely on the same page as you regarding morals and beliefs would be ideal. Unfortunately, for more than one reason I cannot and will not change my T. I suppose this is just a roadblock that we must work through together. I think it will feel great once I come out on the other side of the issue!

LOL! yeah, exercizing before bed is a bad idea.

There went my one, and only, suggestion! I tried!

But dang, you must be fit! Good for you!

I hope that your T will be able to come around and see what a struggle and source of anguist this is for you. You really value your religion and that's very honourable!

Patoman, thanks for sharing. I agree with another who said you might want to treat this as an addiction. In fact, not knowing the particulars, it might be. This can be a type of sex addiction. Also, could you talk to your pastor or someone else at church about this? It won't be easy, I know. But like T's, most of them have heard it all. Hugs

er.. or he simply could find a partner? but then, yeah, therapists are the rationers of society, eh?

Haha! well thank you very much anyways! It is incredibly nice being fit! Invigorating and very self fulfilling. I have a dream of getting my body on the ESPN magazine body issue one day. Now all I have to do is go pro in a sport....

Go for log-riding!

/thus ends totally off-topic posts and suggestions!

I haven't had much luck with my church unfortunately. I have brought the topic up in the past and it just ends badly. I will continue to work with them though in hopes that maybe this will change.

I would suspect that if masturbation is an issue, then sex outside of marriage (I am making an assumption here that Patoman is not married) would not be acceptable either.

why not?

it's immoral (morals don't exist), but so what? so is calling a black person the n-word (in the West anyhow) or punching somebody, but these are not pathologies..

Some of us like to live by a code of ethics. It improves our personal well being and happiness. It is true that I choose to not engage in sexual activity and it is my goal to abstain from it completely until marriage. It makes it a lot more special

ethics is purely in the eye of the beholder. To some it is ethical to cheat. who is to say what is or isn't truly "ethical"?

I suppose it is all personal preference. It is ok to disagree. But it won't change my beliefs

I was concerned for a while to tell my T's that my H and I were swingers for years, stopped, and were starting again. I was concerned about what he would think of me, how he would treat me going forward, how it might make him uncomfortable, how he would associate it with my BPD traits. Well turns out they did not touch that subject with a 10 foot pole and never addressed it. Then again both T's barely even addressed my Bulimia........the reason I sought out treatment to begin with. Heck my second T just admitted he knows little about eating disorders, has no experience with it and never told me because he did not want me to think less of him or that he was not capable. We would learn together. This after 10 months. faceplant

I dont think this is a morality issue for ts, as much as it is a responsibility issue for the client. Youre kind of blaming the problem on your beliefs. You want to know how other people deal with it. Hey, maybe some people have a naturally lower sex drive and arent bothered that much. Maybe other people lie. Whatever. Back to the issue of responsibility. If you would turn the responsibility for your sex life over to your religion and your beliefs, i would ask, where else have you abdicated responsibility? Maybe if you reexamine those other parts of your life, it might help you deal with this situation. Not necessarily change your choices, but take responsibility for them.

In this example I think it is very clear because robbing a bank isn't an issue of personal morals to me, it's a criminal act and it's clearly wrong. As a T I would have to advise against this, or anything illegal or that I thought would be detrimental to the clients well being.

I think an issue like abortion should also be clear cut as well. People who are against it for religious reasons don't need to be talked out of their belief, I think that should be respected even if the T is not religious and doesn't see an issue with abortion. conversely if the T is anti abortion for religious reasons and their client is going to get an abortion, I don't think the T should talk them out of it because of their own personal morals. I think this is where it might get really difficult.

For me, if I was getting abortions and I knew my T was morally opposed, I would have to go see a new T because I'd know that one would despise me. That's just me personally.

I personally think it's important to share a lot or most moral stands with your T, just seems to make things easier. As a non-religious person it was important to me that my T was also non-religious. As a non-religious person with high morals it was important for me to find a T that was similar, and I've tested mine to make sure he indeed is a good man.

It seems like the problem would be worse if the T had more morals than you, and a bit easier if they had less. If they have more morals then they might come to dislike you or be disgusted by your acts. But on the flip side, if you are anti-abortion and the T isn't, I don't think a T could dislike you for not getting an abortion you know what I mean. I'm not sure what you guys disagree on, but it sounds like you have more morals than your T. My guess is your T is trying to help you unburden guilt because you're human and everyone makes mistakes, but that's just a guess. If they are trying to talk you into doing stuff that is against your beliefs though, that is a no no in my mind and you should tell them that!

If your opinion on political or religious issues affects who you will and won't work with, then you need to seek out very specific T's to work with. A very religious Christian client for example, may do better in a Christian counseling centers where they know their T shares this outlook and will base some of their counseling on their religious beliefs or ethics.

This is why the T is supposed to stay relatively neutral. T's are multidimensional like everyone else, so you have to expect that there will be things that you do and don't like about them. But the point of therapy is that the client has a T who will not judge THEM (unless like others have said, if it hurts you or others or is illegal), not for us to judge the T. T is supposed to be the one safe place a person can go and confide in someone who is truly objective. In a hot button issue like abortion, the T should only advise you to do what you feel is best for you and NOT advise you based on their beliefs. It is an issue for some T's and there are some that won't work with certain individuals (like I said before, some criminals) if they don't think they can be objective. It's got to be very difficult.

My psychiatrist said something to me once that gave me insight into his morals. While I was debating whether to let my H move back in and my h believed I wanted as much as he did, my pdoc used a personal example to make his point about making assumptions in romantic relationships. He chose to use an example about sex while dating (my dilemma did not include sex) and he said "just because you sleep with someone on the third date doesn't mean you're in a relationship if you didn't specifically SAY you were in a relationship". It took me aback a little, since now I knew he might mislead some women to get in bed with them. We were both on a dating site and we were both aware of that, and I wasn't offended by this per se, since it's what I've heard from male friends. But as a clinician I found it odd for him to share this with a female client who was also dating. Clearly he assumed I knew what he was talking about and it must have been on his mind. If I was quicker on my feet I would have had a better response but didn't really react and kept talking about myself. I thought at worst it was a little awkward, so for me its best for T not to let us know too much.

I think about this too.

I asked as similar question recently and got really great responses from members.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...cal-views.html

I disagree. Well you have your view, but I respect it and disagree.

"T's" simply don't care about assisting people, but only those they "like".

They've chastised me enough for adhering to common social norms, so what do they know or care?

I think you will find many bad Ts out there, but I believe there are some people out there who do want to help. I'm sorry you've had such negative experiences.

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