[AllyIsHopeful]

I have an appointment tonight (monday). I usually see my therapist twice a week and have done so for 9 months now. There were occasional streaks of one time a week and some three times. Obviously with the amount of appointments and the intensity of all the sessions I have grown an attachment to her.
I even have constant text/phone communication with her throughout the week between sessions if I need.
Well last week I had an appointment Monday, and since Wednesday was a holiday, she decided she would take the rest of the week off...so I only went once last week. I have a lot of self control when it comes to respecting someone's "personal time", especially when I'm aware it is a MUCH needed vacation. That being said, I did not contact her whatsoever since Monday, even though it was a hellish week.

Things started eventually looking up by Friday and even though I ended up with a cold, I still had a great and relaxing weekend. I have been dealing with SI for this past week and even a few weeks before, but I have noticed it has disappeared since Friday...
Now I have the feeling of wanting to turn and run! I do NOT want to go to my appointment tomorrow and don't even know what to talk about. It is so weird because I haven't felt this before. I'm like nervous to see her mixed with not wanting to see her at all. I just have the urge to drop therapy altogether right now and it is confusing to me.

Part of me feels proud of myself for making it through a week alive-and-well without her assistance. I like that feeling. It beats thinking about her and missing her 24/7, wishing I could see her more often. I'm nervous that going back tomorrow and seeing her is going to bring back all of those gross emotions and I will lose this "empowered" feeling I am experiencing.

Any advice?? I don't know what I should do!

[Hoppery]

Hey, your not alone. I feel like this with my new mental health nurse specialist and I would say it's normal for you to feel this way. But the one thing you must do, is not quit. Easier said then done I know! Go to the appointment, tell her you feel nervous. I'm sure she will appreciate your honesty.

Damn right you should be proud of yourself! You have done great. It's a balancing act, you will feel a whole range of things when something like this happens. But the best you can do, for yourself. Is to keep on going and don't look back. You will get there, no matter how long the rocky road feels. And look at yourself, look how far you've come. You know you can do it. Because you already have. If you can survive one week, you can another and another. Contact your t if you really feel like you need to, but don't contact her if you know you can do it without talking to her. Letting go of that feeling of I need her, is hard. Sometimes you will feel more needy then others, but this is part of your journey. Go to your appointments as normal.

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

I have an appointment tonight (monday). I usually see my therapist twice a week and have done so for 9 months now. There were occasional streaks of one time a week and some three times. Obviously with the amount of appointments and the intensity of all the sessions I have grown an attachment to her.
I even have constant text/phone communication with her throughout the week between sessions if I need.
Well last week I had an appointment Monday, and since Wednesday was a holiday, she decided she would take the rest of the week off...so I only went once last week. I have a lot of self control when it comes to respecting someone's "personal time", especially when I'm aware it is a MUCH needed vacation. That being said, I did not contact her whatsoever since Monday, even though it was a hellish week.

Things started eventually looking up by Friday and even though I ended up with a cold, I still had a great and relaxing weekend. I have been dealing with SI for this past week and even a few weeks before, but I have noticed it has disappeared since Friday...
Now I have the feeling of wanting to turn and run! I do NOT want to go to my appointment tomorrow and don't even know what to talk about. It is so weird because I haven't felt this before. I'm like nervous to see her mixed with not wanting to see her at all. I just have the urge to drop therapy altogether right now and it is confusing to me.

Part of me feels proud of myself for making it through a week alive-and-well without her assistance. I like that feeling. It beats thinking about her and missing her 24/7, wishing I could see her more often. I'm nervous that going back tomorrow and seeing her is going to bring back all of those gross emotions and I will lose this "empowered" feeling I am experiencing.

Any advice?? I don't know what I should do!

[AllyIsHopeful]

Thanks for the reply. I really needed to hear (or read) everything you just said right now. My mind was made up to not go.
You are right I should tell her. She has no idea of these transference or attachment issues I have with her.
I'm not sure if I want to go to the extent of telling her about those feelings but I should at least tell her I was nervous about going back after making it through the week?

Another reason I don't want to go is I just saw my Psychiatrist last week and told him about my SI issues and he didn't take me seriously. Didn't change meds, add anything, etc... He just had a couple suggestions and said "I hope things start feeling better". I left feeling worse! So I kind of got mad at this whole therapy process altogether.
I haven't even been "boy [or girl] who cries wolf" about SI. When I mention it I'm serious and I want them to take me seriously. I don't want this to go further than it has to because I didn't receive the right kind of help in time.

I guess part of me wanted to take it out on my Therapist too... Which isn't fair to her.

"You're stronger than you think."

[Hoppery]

No problem, i'm just saying what i'm thinking. You don't have to tell her every detail about it if you don't want too but you got to work on being at least a little more honest to her about your feelings. I understand it seems scary or nerve-wreaking, but it's something that eventually has to be done, right?

I get you, on the whole psychiatrist thing! I've dealt with a load of s**t ones. It's took me over 10 years to find someone who actually cares, listens and understands. To be honest, I don't think psychiatrists are the best people to talk too. They are usually too busy to care. I do think you should rely on your therapist about it though. That's what she is there for. To help you. All you got to do is talk to her and open up to her a little bit more. I'm not saying tell her every single thing, but at least tell her a little bit more. And yes, most defiantly tell her about how you are feeling after making it through the week.

Everyone is stronger then what they think they are, but we all got to rely on others sometimes a little too!

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

Thanks for the reply. I really needed to hear (or read) everything you just said right now. My mind was made up to not go.
You are right I should tell her. She has no idea of these transference or attachment issues I have with her.
I'm not sure if I want to go to the extent of telling her about those feelings but I should at least tell her I was nervous about going back after making it through the week?

Another reason I don't want to go is I just saw my Psychiatrist last week and told him about my SI issues and he didn't take me seriously. Didn't change meds, add anything, etc... He just had a couple suggestions and said "I hope things start feeling better". I left feeling worse! So I kind of got mad at this whole therapy process altogether.
I haven't even been "boy [or girl] who cries wolf" about SI. When I mention it I'm serious and I want them to take me seriously. I don't want this to go further than it has to because I didn't receive the right kind of help in time.

I guess part of me wanted to take it out on my Therapist too... Which isn't fair to her.

"You're stronger than you think."