[Bentay]

I was just wondering if anyone else has ever thought what it would be like to be in a relationship with a therapist (to be a therapists other half).
I've always thought it must be amazing to have a person in your life that understands human behaviour so well that they would know how you feel, what to say, what not to say and have a profound understanding of your feelings.
But then there's also a part of me that thinks, nothing's perfect and I'm sure therapist don't sit in a room with their other half's discussing how they feel as that's not real life. Would being in a relationship with a therapist be just perfection or are they just like normal people ?

[scorpiosis37]

Originally Posted by Bentay

I was just wondering if anyone else has ever thought what it would be like to be in a relationship with a therapist (to be a therapists other half).
I've always thought it must be amazing to have a person in your life that understands human behaviour so well that they would know how you feel, what to say, what not to say and have a profound understanding of your feelings.
But then there's also a part of me that thinks, nothing's perfect and I'm sure therapist don't sit in a room with their other half's discussing how they feel as that's not real life. Would being in a relationship with a therapist be just perfection or are they just like normal people ?

It's not like that in real life. In their private life, they are not "on" all the time. There are times when they fail to listen, they get too busy, they complain, they get upset, they act selfishly, and so forth. They have the same kinds of relationship problems as everyone else.

[stopdog]

I dated one for awhile. It was not amazing because they were a therapist. It was just normal dating a person who had their own issues and quirks etc. They are not super humans in my experience of them as friends and lovers.
There are some people on here who are married to therapists and so forth.

[elaygee]

Normal people. Who get tired, cranky, etc. Being a therapist, in just my opinion, takes a certain kind of personality that is more than just a job. So overall I think they tend to be more empathic. But being a THERAPIST is a job. A good T is NOT a T at home. They have to turn it off. They may still be great at home, but perfect? HA, dont think so.

[Nightlight]

I imagine that quite a few therapists are more likely to be less patient and attentive at times in their real life because they spend so much of their working day that way. My therapist mentioned something to me that she will not tolerate in her real life and she noted the fact that she was not in therapist mode so didn't have to tolerate it. Clearly she knows how to put the needs of others first in her work, but it doesn't mean that she goes about her whole life in that way.

[ready2makenice]

T they are just like other people,they get angry,upset,they have there own problems and they hurt and have emotions like the rest of us.

Like I always say,they're a person 1st and a therapist 2nd

The only thing that would annoy me a bit is that I feel like T think they know everything and can "fix or guide" everything into the right way.

[AllyIsHopeful]

I don't believe it is any different- they're normal people. I've went out to eat with mine after a session and therapist mode definitely turned off...I totally witnessed her being one of those nightmare customers! lol
I was so confused about my opinion of her once I experienced that.

"You're stronger than you think."

[Elektra_]

i actually thought about it lol that would be awesome but as any normal person he wouldnt put up with all crap with smile in face but he would be more understanding and be able to listen more...

I think the idea of dating or being married to a therapist is awesome. Maybe you could even receive free therapy! Ha ha!

[AllyIsHopeful]

One more thing...I have had friends with psychologists/therapists as parents and it was awful for them. They hated it and wanted their parents to stop analyzing them constantly.

"You're stronger than you think."

[Elektra_]

oh yeah i forgot that part... that sucks when person keeps on doing it.

Originally Posted by Hopelessly Hopeful

One more thing...I have had friends with psychologists/therapists as parents and it was awful for them. They hated it and wanted their parents to stop analyzing them constantly.

"You're stronger than you think."

[reesecups]

Originally Posted by Bentay

I was just wondering if anyone else has ever thought what it would be like to be in a relationship with a therapist (to be a therapists other half).
I've always thought it must be amazing to have a person in your life that understands human behaviour so well that they would know how you feel, what to say, what not to say and have a profound understanding of your feelings.
But then there's also a part of me that thinks, nothing's perfect and I'm sure therapist don't sit in a room with their other half's discussing how they feel as that's not real life. Would being in a relationship with a therapist be just perfection or are they just like normal people ?

I don't really think that would be pleasant. They are trained to analyze nearly everything a person does, and I frankly doubt that all of them can just shut it off when away from their office. Couldn't stand a relationship with someone constantly analyzing me.

Originally Posted by ready2makenice

The only thing that would annoy me a bit is that I feel like T think they know everything and can "fix or guide" everything into the right way.

Not only Ts do that. It's how my H thinks, and he is not a T. And I never tell him about my problems or that I feel less than wonderful, if I can avoid it. He means well, of course, but it is annoying all the same, and tiring. My T maybe thinks he can fix or guide everything, but he does not show it - I don't think a T should talk as if they always know what's best for the client. (I don't think spouses should do it either. )

[TheWell]

I had a roommate for a while who was a therapist. She wasn't a T when we were together she was just my friend.

Funny how issues of transference never come up when it's a two sided relationship only when the T is a blank slate.

[Canyon]

One of my friends is a licensed therapist, though she is not practicing now due to disability. I've known her since college when we were studying psychology. I don't see her differently than any of my other friends/ family. I think if anything, I find myself feeling more concern for her at times because of the things that she has had to process by way of her clients.

On a lighter note: watch or rewatch "What about Bob" for a funny Hollywood take on the subject.

[peaches100]

I can add a couple of tidbits on this question. . .

My best friend from 7th grade to graduation had a mom who was a psychotherapist. Even though they loved each other, it was kind of a tumultuous relationship. Her mom's expectations for her were very high. Also, while a t should not let their own opinions influence the decisions their client makes, a t who is your mom can do this. She expected alot and if she disagreed with something my friend was doing, she would definitely point it out and let my friend know that she found it unacceptable. I think it created a lot of pressure on her.

On the other hand, my friend's mom managed to raise her to have very good self-esteem and to believe in her own ability to be successful. She learned to love herself. And now, she is a dermatologist working in Vail, Colorado (a very expensive Colorado ski town). She has her PhD, is married, has two kids, and seems very happy.

My other example is my t -- her husband is a psychiatrist. Although my t rarely talks about her family or life outside the office, she has made a few small comments that make me think her marraige isn't any better than the average one.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

I am married to a clinical psychologist. She's a good wife, but that has nothing to do with her training. She doesn't practice, she's a researcher in a large nonprofit company. But she can "turn on" her clinical skills at times and that feels really different than just being in a conversation with your wife where she's being empathic and understanding. I much prefer the "wife" over the "therapist" mode.

I always got the feeling that my therapist didn't have the best marriage just from comments he would make about marriage so I don't think it would be better than any other marriage or relationship. Kind of like the shoemaker's children go without shoes.

[Perna]

Therapy happens in that little room, one-on-one, for a short period of time each week for a reason They are not much different from us, just have had some therapy/training and are working it from that angle. You don't think your accountant or GP is different do you? They listen too, just for other details.

[MASIMO]

I called my T sweet. He said, before you call me sweet again, I should give you my exwifes number. You might find out I'm not all I'm cracked to be. I must admit it's got me thinking.....but he is still sweet to me as I will never know anyone other than who he presents to me each week.

[brillskep]

Though I've never been in a relationship with a therapist, I know some couples of therapists (both partners) I have at least 4 couples in mind, and I know of more. They seem to have good connection and much commitment, but I don't know them all that intimately and I think every couple has their own problems, if only behind closed doors. No one and no relationship is perfect.

I agree that therapists may be more likely to focus on feelings than people who don't have a professional training in the field. That can make for a better relationship as long as they don't use analyzing each other as a sort of mind game, but reflect on themselves as well as really listen to the other. Really though, being a therapist is no guarantee one will also be as good (or, in some cases, as bad) a partner as they are a therapist.

It's probably a very different experience from therapy. Being the significant other is, well, significantly different than being the client. Both roles have their advantages and their disadvantages.

Originally Posted by Bentay

I was just wondering if anyone else has ever thought what it would be like to be in a relationship with a therapist (to be a therapists other half).
I've always thought it must be amazing to have a person in your life that understands human behaviour so well that they would know how you feel, what to say, what not to say and have a profound understanding of your feelings.
But then there's also a part of me that thinks, nothing's perfect and I'm sure therapist don't sit in a room with their other half's discussing how they feel as that's not real life. Would being in a relationship with a therapist be just perfection or are they just like normal people ?

[Puglife]

I keep forgetting that I'm married to one. Or rather he is in the process. He has his Master's and does have a full time job as a therapist and is working on getting his hours to get his licensing. He mostly works with children and parents. He is very good at his job, but he is much more patient and good with the kids he works with than our own kids. He's gotten better but he doesn't always follow the advice he gives parents about really listening to their kids or taking the time out of their day to sit down and play a boardgame.

Around here it is a really long process to become a fully licensed therapist and this process has been very good for him. But since I have been with him for so long it's hard for me to view him as a therapist.

[Chopin99]

My T has said very specifically that Ts are no different than anyone else. They have quirks and weaknesses, get upset and angry, and make relationship mistakes. I have been around her at the end of her workday and I can tell the exact moment she turns "therapist mode" off. She turns into a very distracted, lost in her own thoughts, extremely ADD kind of person. She has hired me to build a website for her and I have met with her at her office, but outside of work hours twice, once for 45 min and once for an hour. We got very little done because she is that ADD; I had to bring her "back to task" several times.

[missbella]

I've was in an online community with a therapist for many years and had brushes with her in person. She was queenly, attention getting and used her training to fire nasty diagnosis and inaccurate interpretations at other forum members. She regularly posted up to 200 times daily --while at work. After hours she obsessed about booze and falling down so early in her drinking session. In person she alternated between being overbearing, manipulative and rudely frosty.

I'm skeptical of her qualifications to help anyone else toward emotional integration.

[Canyon]

Originally Posted by missbella

I've was in an online community with a therapist for many years and had brushes with her in person. She was queenly, attention getting and used her training to fire nasty diagnosis and inaccurate interpretations at other forum members. She regularly posted up to 200 times daily --while at work. After hours she obsessed about booze and falling down so early in her drinking session. In person she alternated between being overbearing, manipulative and rudely frosty.

I'm skeptical of her qualifications to help anyone else toward emotional integration.

Geez, that sounds like someone I know from an online forum! Only difference is that she only had the degrees to be a therapist but was too disabled to practice. I promptly left that forum when she "accidentally" did a mass send on a PM to another moderator in which she basically eviscerated a lot of the staff of the forum and quite a few of the members.