[newlyborn0372013]

I have been stewing over this since Thursday. I shouldn't be because I know T had just had a procedure done but I do feel a bit robbed and/or used. I dont know. I supposed I'm upset because it would've been my 2nd session since the long holiday break and I really needed it. My T was at work and emailed me to cancel because she felt bad.

I'm kinda hurt because I know she was having sessions with other clients until 1 that day, My session was at 3.

This comes after the fact that we actualy discussed me needing something stable that I could count on in my life, and acknowledging the fact that T is that one stable thing. And then all of a sudden she's ill, hours before my session. I'm not thinking that she's lying or anything, I'm just trying to process what I'm feeling.

Last night, well, actually this morning, I emailed her a bunch of stuff that was going on in my mind at that point. It was really scattered (just like this post, im sorry you guys ) and I'm starting to feel like maybe I shouldn't have sent it to her because I think I was too honest in it and it may come off as being 'needy' since I've made alot of progress emotionally in T, so I don't want her to think that I've regressed.

I hope I'm making sense here, I'm still awfully scatter-brained, so I guess this is 2 different posts combined.

[Aloneandafraid]

I can relate exactly to your post. My T had to cancel just before the Xmas/new year break for 'family duties' and I felt like I wasn't important in comparison to her family. It really bothered me. And then I felt guilty as I don't know what the family reasons are - maybe a birth of a grandchild or a death? I have written to tell her how needy I felt (feel) but I haven't give her the letter yet as I don't see her until next week formate first session after the break. I am in two minds about whether I should share this information with her as there is a whole load of transference stuff going on too but I know how you feel - so we'll.it's really difficult. I'm sorry you are in that weird place. I know how hard it is.

[unlockingsanity]

Maybe she wasn't feeling well and was trying to push through the day, but in the end she just couldn't do it.

What would have been worse? Her cancelling or you having a session where her focus wasn't squarely on you?

It always sucks to miss a session, but it's also an opportunity to learn how to use self-soothing strategies.

[newlyborn0372013]

Originally Posted by unlockingsanity

Maybe she wasn't feeling well and was trying to push through the day, but in the end she just couldn't do it.

What would have been worse? Her cancelling or you having a session where her focus wasn't squarely on you?

It always sucks to miss a session, but it's also an opportunity to learn how to use self-soothing strategies.

Yes, my mature logical side of me knows that this is exactly the case with T. But lately, most of the time, just being able to touch bases, and connect even if not completely focused on me, helps alot. I think thats the wounded side of me that wants to just take what she can get.

[Raging Quiet]

I would feel really disappointed to

Has she been in contact since? x

[newlyborn0372013]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

I would feel really disappointed to

Has she been in contact since? x

No she hasn't. I sent the email at like 1 am and I doubt she's going to check her email over the weekend. I have a rescheduled appt for Monday morning, so T will probably get the email minutes before my session, if she even shows up.

I dont know, I think I'll give this a month and then I think I'm going to stop going because things have been really inconsistent for the last 2 months and its really affecting me emotionally. My childishness is coming to the surface again and that's not good.

[dizgirl2011]

Hi there,

I can understand why you feel as you do and you are allowed to express those feelings. Its understandable to feel disappointed and angry.

I think we often see our therapists as those who should always be there when we need them but sadly they get sick or have to have time off ( my T has been off for 5 months due to health reasons and it has been really hard). I am sure your T would have felt bad about having to cancel on you and as someone else said...perhaps she was trying her best to get through the day and was just feeling so unwell that she felt she couldn't go on.

If she had of gone on to see you, you may have found she wasn't able to focus on you during the session as she felt unwell and that too could have left you feeling she didn't care about you. You may have found you caught the illness/bug etc from her meaning you would end up missing a session anyway. Perhaps if your counsellor hadn't stopped and went home when she did, she could have made herself worse, having to take even longer off work....so although its really hard, perhaps her decision was the best one....even though it really doesn't feel that way. If you think back to times T has helped you....would you want her to be suffering or can you try and help her by understanding why she may have done what she has? It may help you feel better too.

I hope you get to see her again really soon