Is the purpose of therapy to learn to be distracted from bad feelings?

I feel I've spent a lot of time in my life doing activities that therapy teaches you're supposed to do to get relief from negative feelings. For example, exercising, going outside, going to social events and talking to my therapist. For me, immediate relief of or distraction from negative feelings (getting cheered up) has been a reason sometimes. It often works for a few hours during and after the activity. Perhaps another reason for me has been just doing what people believe should be done since I don't have any better solutions for my problems. My question is, what is the point? Does therapy try to teach you to be in an endless state of distraction with these sorts of activities? Are these sorts of activities supposed to become the meaning/purpose of one's life? I'm starting to feel like there is no point in continuing therapy because it seems that is all there is to it.

I do not think that the point of therapy is to be "in an endless state of distraction". I think those activities you mentioned are ways to combat the negative feelings temporarily but not long term. The point of therapy, to me, is to learn the coping skills needed to deal with whatever is going on in your life in a healthy(ier) way. There's a difference between dealing with the situation and distracting yourself from it. Distracting is just one way to deal with a situation and it's usually for a situation that you have no control over. Dealing is a much more productive way to make changes in your life because it involves facing the problem head on and then putting in the effort to either improve the situation or change the outcome.

I find this to be a really interesting question, and I am glad you asked it.

I think the answer is both yes and no.

Yes because sometimes the main problem people have is that they lack positive activities in their lives and are depressed as a result. Exercising, going out, interacting with people, etc. can gradually lift the person out of their depression.

No, because sometimes people have difficult things they need to work through other than just not having anything positive in their lives (like they had a difficult childhood, are having a midlife crisis, etc.). In that case it's necessary to talk about or otherwise deal with whatever those things are. But it can still be true that having pleasant distractions can make the process easier in the mean time.

That is what I feel like CBT/DBT is like....just distract yourself for the rest of your life.

I hope I can change to where I don't have to rely on distraction as a solution.

Hahah that's what I said to my therapist too. That therapy basically teaches me to lie to myself so I'd feel less depressed.

I'm doing DBT too and am very clear that the distraction parts of it are simply ways to get through emotionally volatile spots until I can work through the issues, definitely not a substitute for working through, but a way to make the process more manageable. Distractions are just the first of the four stages too, as I understand it.

I definitely don't think therapy is about distraction, though coping mechanisms including pleasurable distractions are helpful tools when doing the longer term work of achieving healing and happiness.

Here's an article on the four stages: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/dbt/20...avior-therapy/

Here's one excerpt on the four stages:

• Stage 1: Stage 1 of DBT therapy helps you become more in control of your behaviors. At this stage, you will learn to reduce and eliminate life-threatening behaviors and behaviors that interfere with treatment, decrease behaviors that affect your quality of life, and learn DBT skills to help you improve your relationships and have better emotional regulation. You will also address any co-occurring disorders you may have, such as depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, or eating disorders.
• Stage 2: Stage 2 of DBT therapy focuses on helping you learn to fully express your emotions so that you are no longer “suffering in silence.” You will work with your DBT therapist to address any trauma or symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and find ways to experience your emotions without shutting down.
• Stage 3: Stage 3 of DBT therapy addresses how you solve ordinary life problems, such as relationship issues or career concerns. During this stage, you will learn techniques for solving these types of problems so that you can lead a more functional life.
• Stage 4: During Stage 4 of DBT therapy, you will work with your DBT therapist to find a way to feel a sense of connection to other people and to the world around you.

I wonder what kinds of things you talk about in therapy in stage 4. I wish I could find a therapist who seemed to have more than routine advice to just keep showing up at social events.

All of those activities could be viewed as a distraction, at first. Early in treatment, especially for depression, you have to force yourself to do any type of activity. So everything is done with a highly conscious effort to "fight back" with the depression.
However, many of these activities will actually benefit in the long run and no longer be a distraction. Eventually they become things you want to do instead of things you are forced to do.
Sometimes in making yourself do these things (exercise, socialize, run errands, clean, watch funny movies, read, etc) you find things that genuinely bring you joy and positive feelings. I suppose you essentially begin to find your "happy place".
Watching funny movies, going on walks, exercising, laughing with friends, etc, releases endorphins in your brain. Endorphins are one of the "feel good" chemicals that make you feel a good sense of well-being - that's why therapists/psychiatrists recommend these activities as a part of treatment. Improving physical activity and leisure activity in your life will promote extra dopamine production.

So most of these things won't feel like distractions in time. Anyone could view every life activity and taking care of their health as one giant distraction to get through life - even people without mental illness or depression. It's just a matter of how you perceive everything.

Well, I just tried clicking around in that link you provided (thanks). I didn't find much about stage 4 but I found this article on How to Direct your own Internal Dialog. How to Direct Your Own Internal Dialog | Dialectical Behavior Therapy Understood

I really have a problem with this type of idea. Well, if I was the type of person to get stressed out about traffic (the example in the article), maybe it would be useful. When you're stuck in traffic, sometimes it's clear there's nothing you can do about it, and if you don't know how to calm yourself, I guess that would be good to learn. But, in most contexts, Directing your Internal Dialog like this seems like it would mean becoming more detached from the situation. The article advises to ask yourself “is this thought helpful?” or “Do I really want to be thinking in this way?” But what about, "is this thought ACCURATE?"
It doesn't seem like a very good idea to go around reinterpreting reality based on whether it's "helpful" to you (as far as you can tell at the moment). That seems like it would lead to either being detached and passive (avoiding anything negative) or being manipulative (interpreting everything to your own benefit over other people's benefit). Again, I feel like more and more like therapy leaves me learning that you're just supposed to smile and reinterpret your feelings and take a walk.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of. I've been doing these activities as long as I can remember and it isn't a very meaningful way to live. I think it may be that therapy has no way to help any further though.

I appreciate your explanation though.

In regarding to the "is it accurate" statement, I was taught something fairly useful that I still use today.
My therapist drew a grid, it was a quadrant. It said Accurate vs Inaccurate across the top and then Helpful vs Unhelpful at the side. My therapist taught me that I need to really focus on things that are ACCURATE AND HELPFUL. If it falls in to that area, then spend time on it, if it falls in the other 3 don't.
The example that was discussed was that if I believe I am ugly, to me that statement is ACCURATE, but is it HELPFUL, no. So toss it out. If I were to say "I have acne", that comment may be accurate, and helpful if I choose to tag a helpful line with it. IE: I have acne, thus I will buy medicate soap. That is accurate and helpful. But I have acne, thus I will cut is accurate but not helpful.

In regarding to is therapy just a long distraction - I have had that talk with my T too when she was on a "We will do DBT" kick. The answer to everything was distract, well that to me is AVOIDANCE, so we have to do more than just distraction. Distraction is for crisis situations.

I had one T (& several pdocs & a hospitalization) that went about things as though I should be trying to perfect distraction. "Fake it til you make it" and all that. I really can't stand that saying, although I know it works well for many people. That's what's great about having more than one way of going about things.
The steps/Stages model of things was popular at the hospital and with one pdoc. Again, I know that works great for some. I couldn't help feeling that progressing through the stages was more like moving through a serious illness - each stage more painful than the last.
These days I try to think of it more as solving mysteries. Except I think I need Sherlock Holmes/Mr. Rogers/Mary Poppins/Zen Master rolled into one for my T.

Have you given any thought about what WOULD be meaningful to you? Is there any way you could spend your life (putting aside it might seem difficult or impossible right now) that would seem worthwhile?

Yes, and yes I've experienced that it's very close to impossible. My therapist knows about it and has no advice except repeatedly attending social events and trying to pretend to be content. She doesn't push me to attend the events really, or give much advice or say anything much at all, just kind of encouraging me to continue as I always have.

I've spent my life distracting myself from my feelings, positive and negative. I think therapy should help to teach you to identify it, feel it, express it and then manage it. And manage it with the things you stated like excersise and social stuff and maybe therapy for a while too.
But that's just my thinking

if your desire is to find meaningful relationships maybe a different type of therapy would help if what you are currently experiencing isn't working. maybe something like psychodynamic, family systems or object relations--all therapies that are very relationally-focused and could help you unravel your relationship history and patterns and how that is impacting you presently.

i don't think pretending to be content works. is your T maybe saying to accept certain things instead? that is different from pretending to be content. i may not like a particular situation, but if i accept it then i can either change it, or if that isn't possible, then learn to live with it and come to a place of peace with it. if, say, you are really lonely it is ok to acknowledge that and feel those feelings of loneliness. the trick is not to get stuck there though. we do have to do something if we want the situation to change when it is possible. we step out of our comfort zone and push ourselves to do things that are difficult, but i don't think we have to tell ourselves we are enjoying those things when we aren't. also, those things aren't distractions but they are the medicine for what ails us. it's medicine, and what i need, but i'm not going to tell myself that bitter tasting medicine tastes like a frappachino.

now, say someone has just lost a spouse. they can't change that as the person is gone but they need to grieve that loss. once they have grieved the loss, which will take time, they will come to a place of peace about it.

in both cases we have to feel our feelings and then either take action to change things or accept the situation. we don't have to like either changing things or accepting things though. funny, this all reminds me of the serenity prayer. also, in the 12-steps the first step is admitting we have a problem. we can't really deal with something until we acknowledge its existence. pretending, or denial, is part of the problem--not the solution. hope something i said makes sense.

Note that this is true for most people, but a significant minority of people do NOT get any endorphine production through exercise. I belong to that minority, sadly, and I have to make sure to schedule exercise to the end of the day on days where I do not have to interact with anybody afterwards, because I feel considerably more stressed, depressed and mentally exhausted afterwards. That is due to hormone releases in my brain, and nothing else, but it helped me tremendously to become aware of it. Before I knew, I thought I was just a bad person because exercise made me feel bad, but now I know that it's because I'm a low-endorphine producer.

(I do feel better if I laugh, though; more so if I am alone but laughing with friends also helps to a lesser degree. It's a temporary short-term fix though which does not improve life in general.)

I understand. I can't say that our situations are identical and I know exactly what you are feeling; but I can say i am experiencing similar feelings and they are no fun.
The explanation I gave was from a clinical perspective. Theoretically speaking, all of this these activities is supposed to increase healthy brain function and assist with balancing out chemicals.
It kinda feels like BS most times, though. It has helped to a certain extent, yes, but I still feel empty and unsure of "what the point of all of this" is. I suppose it is just the struggle to find your own individual purpose.

Feelings are not bad.

Come to think of it, life is all about distracting oneself while waiting to die - there is no huge overarching meaning of life (though many people find individual meaning to their lives, which is good) and everything we do that makes us feel better is, in one sense, a distraction.

I find that a very hopeful and heartening thought. I'll try to hold on to it.

If we're distracted from any feeling than we are missing a vital part of information about ourselves

Good question. I think sometimes therapy's purpose and therapy itself IS just that! Sometimes people reach such dangerous emotional states that doing things to distract yourself does help.

To me therapy is not just to learn how to distract yourself from bad feelings. It is more about finding a meaning/purpose to your life while using the distractions and activities to tolerate the feelings that you are having until you can change the feeling or accept a circumstance or condition that you can not change. I think of the activities and techniques as my tools in a tool box that I need to have with me for emergencies. The more tools I have learned how to use in my tool box makes me more prepared for the unexpected when it comes.

I feel the same, although I don't call my feelings bad. They are what they are: frustration, fear, anger,etc., and my reaction to those feelings are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, out of control, crying, etc. My response is often very physical.

My T has taught me skills (not distractions) to help get that physical response calmed down and regulated so I can actually use my brain to process what the heck just happened, figure out where I became so triggered, and look at those feelings from a clearer mindset.

My T is strongly behavioral by the way, but he has never taught me to distract from emotions. Rather, he has taught me ways to ground myself so I am not so overwhelmed. The feelings don't get ignored at all, but sometimes the reaction has to be calmed down so that I can actually figure out what the heck is going on.

I think of it like if a small child is having a tantrum, or crying hysterically, etc., there is no actually talking to them about those feelings until you can get them to slow down, breathe, stop crying, etc. Once they are more physically under control, then you can actually talk to them. They can finally communicate what was going on with them. They can find a way to cope with whatever just set them off. Just trying to distract them with a toy or food or whatever isn't really going to work unless those things serve to simply calm them down enough that they can actually process what happened.

I don't think that's what therapy is about. In my opinion, therapy is about not being distracted. It's about focusing on what you're doing and how you're being affected by life and by yourself and learning to bear it, to deal with it, change what you can and change your mindset to a healthier approach to those things in life that can't be changed.

I know everyone doesn't agree with this definition. Some people really do need just to learn how to distract themselves. In my mind, this is really about the schools of thought in therapy. They have different definitions for what therapy should be about, so everyone can choose what's best for them at one point or another.