So confused

So, I'm not in any hurry to make a decision...just annoyed that I keep going back and forth.

For those of you who don't know, it is a long story, at the end if October 2013 my pdoc terminated with me. In the letter he left open the possibility of re-joining at a later date. With that in mind...I asked PCP to prescribe my meds for some time with the conclusion being my asking pdoc to take my case on again. Before I could do that though I had to get down to business in therapy...focusing on DBT.

I have been working really hard in therapy on DBT and even at home. However, I have such a good start on this work I don't want it bogged down with thoughts or feelings about all the possible outcomes...not just his answer but my reaction to his answer. I'm almost positive I would not do anything but the idea of those thoughts and feelings coming up again kinda scare me.

I have the letter written, stating my case should I decide to send it. The problem is making a decision one way or the other. I have done the pro's and con's and the pro's truly outweigh the con's. However that doesn't seem to be enough. What would you do?

The letter wouldn't be sent till T gets back from maternity leave when ever that all happens. She could have the baby this week or they induce or c-section next week and then it's 4 weeks from that point that she'll be back. I just wish I could make a final decision on this letter. I think the problem is I want to know for sure he would consider taking me on again before I send the letter and there's no way for that to happen.

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I think you should send the letter. You answered it yourself really, with these two comments "I have done the pro's and con's and the pro's truly outweigh the con's" and "I think the problem is I want to know for sure he would consider taking me on again before I send the letter." Here you are saying you've thought about it and it is the right thing to do, but you are afraid you might be rejected. That is certainly reasonable! In your shoes everyone would have that fear. In the worst case, if he does reject you, at least you tried and you can stop obsessing. He did keep the possibly open right? Why did he terminate you? If he does reject you then what can you do, it is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, it would sting I'm sure but in the long run be better than obsessing over the decision for weeks and then finding out.

I don't know Melissa I downt want you spiraling if he rejects you while your t is away, your doing such a great job. I support your decision either way but I think you should wait for your t to get back for that extra support, but whatever you do, you can count on me for support.

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I agree.

((((melissa))))

It sounds as though you have mind up your mind to return to your other T. You've made the list of pros and cons from DBT, that's good. The trick (it sounds like) is looking back upon the Interpersonal Skills. Particularly Self-Respect Effectiveness.

That, to me, sounds like the important aspect. You have done what he asked of you, and he did leave the idea of re-joining T open. That is reassuring! While you may have to wait a little bit, before he can fit you back into his schedule, I believe that he will.

You can do it.

I'm definitely not sending the letter till after T comes back from maternity leave. I know I need to send this letter...mostly because at this point I either will have him on my team or close that chapter and fully move on. I just don't want to hear no...but if he does say no...at least I have "clearance" in my mind to fully move on without him. Let's hope whatever the outcome when I send the letter that it will be in my best interests.

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