What do you think if I asked this new t the first week in feb which would be my first

What do you think if I ask this new (stupid) t whic im going to meet for the first time, as my transition phase begins along with current, if I can bring along a friend on the first individual session with her, the first week of February?

Please all opinions truthfully, my feelings are not hurt easily.

why are they stupid? and i would say no. u only bring people to session that are going to contribute for therapy or be part of the process. i think u should keep with one post about this and not keep making new ones. tc

I thought you'd do some joined sessions with both current and future T? Seemed like a great idea...

Re the friend thing- my friends don't know I'm in therapy (6yr) so it's hard for me to imagine taking one with me. I think as long as all parties ar OK with that and you really believe it'd be helpful- than go for it

Thank you for replying, as I said, my feelings do not get hurt easily.
I was referring to your true feelings on your oppinion about whether to bring a friend or not.

usually as people know me here its very unlike me to post this frequently, due to my wanting to reach out and my anxiety, that is what iam doing.

I have every right to so, to vent, this a very supportive community been here many years, and nobody has ever said this before.

I've heard of people bringing a friend (most probably I've read about it on these boards). I have not done so and my T would not have agreed to it I think, but all situations are different, and there can't be any harm in asking, if you feel that it would be beneficial to you.

hey sweetpea you are going through so much .post as much as you need to. I was wondering why you want to bring a friend to your session?

I happened to read this post right after the one about this new T being a Ph.D, which doesn't indicate stupid. You sound like you are very angry and scared and sad about your current T leaving, which is totally understandable - but please understand that this is no indication of the skills of your next T. If you decide to see this other person so soon, know that you will probably process your grieving with this new one. Yes, it is challenging, it is difficult, it can be sad and scary. But I don't think that bringing a friend to your session will help you. You are just delaying the one-on-one session, which I'm guessing is what you're trying to do. But by bringing a friend you will only be bringing one more person into this already messed up situation. This sounds to me a bit like a test for your new T, so if I were you I'd ask myself what you'd hope him or her to say and what you think they should say and how that plays into what you're facing during this time of loss and transition.

That said, it's your right to ask for anything you believe would help. Your T will say yes or no based on his/her opinion on what would be the best course of action for your treatment. Just be aware that there will also be a confidentiality issue - if your friend is there, the T will not be able to talk to you as s/he otherwise might, s/he shouldn't bring anything from past sessions to the table. This could be quite limiting for a therapy session.

I can see this from a different perspective Sweety. I had a friend that asked me about therapy. What it was like and what to do type questions. She was new to my area of town and was afraid that she would get lost. She also was afraid that she might not be able to drive after the session.
I told her I would drive her to the first appointment and go in with her till she was able to meet the T. Then I went out to my car till almost time for the appointment to end. I was in the waiting room when she came out. It just helped her through her fears of that first meeting.

When her session was over T came out with her and they were laughing. T thanked me for bringing her.

My thoughts for you right now is wait till you have the first 2 transition sessions before you worry about this.

I don't see a problem with new threads.
I do not see a problem with taking someone with you if you think they would be useful.

Thank you granite I have alot of anxiety thats why im being unusual and posting alot, as I explained to another poster. Im just reaching out,

Thank you I normally dont post this much, I just have alo of anxiety.

I wanted to bring a friend to settle my nerves, and also to testt her.

you dont have to apologize for how many threads you start♥ and if bringing a friend even if for moral support makes you feel better then we say go ahead and do it ♥

How would you determine if she passed the test?

I think it's your therapy and you're the boss but it seems hostile to start with a test or with the assumption that new t is stupid. It's not her fault that your old t is leaving in the middle of such difficult stuff. To me, it makes sense to "test" a T by starting slowly and paying attention to how you feel around them, how they react to what you say and letting trust build gradually. Did you have a specific role in mind for your friend?

If you feel it would be helpful to have a friend along for moral support maybe they could wait for you in the waiting room. It just seems like therapy is so intimate and private... I'm not sure how a friend belongs there. But if you do, you're the boss like I said!

I agree with FJ. You know we have all discussed a million times right here on this board how testing people, including T's, just sets them up for failure and generally bites us in the butt.

Don't set your T up for failure. It is unfair. It won't prove anything. And I suspect even if she "passed" you still wouldn't trust her. There is nothing she can do right now that would make you even begin to trust her. And that is okay. Let it be what it is. Let the process take all the time it needs. Remember, it may take months or even years of sessions for some people to feel like they can trust their T's. I suspect after what you have been through, it will be on the long end. That's okay, but recognize that testing her really won't prove anything to you until you are ready to accept and trust her.

If you want your friend there, okay. Why don't you ask your current T if that might be a good idea or not? You would probably be more willing to accept her opinion, including if she says that it might not be the best idea.

What I've seen my T and Pdoc do with new patients who brought family or friends with them is they had them come in for about 20 minutes or so, and then the rest of the session was just the client. That gives the new client perhaps some comfort right at the beginning but allows for the privacy and independence for at least half of the session. Perhaps that would work. I'd talk to your current T about it first and go from there.

Thanks , I will talk to my t about it, im not thinking to rationally these days, my reasoning for bringing my friend, for the feb session was because it would be my first alone session with this new person. I figured my friend would sort of be my protector, like a game of chess and I could say check mate or something, I dont even know if im making sense.

I think it would be better if you can go either on your own, or with your old T ... having a friend there might end up making it even harder for you to be able to adjust to having someone new

Thanks tigergirl in feb my old t will be long gone. I hate to be winy but I'm sure you can understand that going through this twice consecutively hurts a great deal, especially with this t that I have formed a deeper connection with.

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I brought a friend with me to a new T once. Didn't even give the T a choice. It was helpful in that I felt more comfortable. It was horrible because my friend had a big mouth and told the T things I didn't want her to know about.

If you bring a friend, choose wisely! Or as I should have done, duct taped her mouth shut

But if you continue with this new T, you WILL eventually have a session on your own. Whether it's your forth or your fifth, you will still have to face it someday. I know it hurts and I'm sorry you're going through this. It doesn't really seem like a solution though.

I see no reason why you can't bring your friend with you but I think its best that they stay in the waiting room. Maybe even be introduced but then go back and wait. Then they are perhaps close enough so you feel safer, but you will be able to have a more confidential session. With your friend in the actual session with you I'm afraid you won't be able to get much done and drag out the process of establishing a rapport with the new T. You can be forthright with this new t and tell them why your friend is there, that you are scared and feeling badly about losing your current t. She should be able to help you through this. If it's unbearable, your friend is in the next room for you.